Hard to believe this is all from one game – The Punisher.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Did you know...
An olive tree can live up to 1500 years.
Annually 17 tons of gold is used to make wedding rings in the United States.
Approximately 75% of human poop is made of water.
Close to fifty percent of the bacteria in the mouth lives on the surface of our tongue.
When playing competitive darts the player must be 7 feet 9 1/4 inches back from the dartboard. Also the board must be 5 feet 8 inches above the floor.
Watch out soy! Hemp is slowing turning into the new hot crop in the organic world. Well, except for the fact that it’s totally illegal to grow hemp in the United States. Something about narcotics laws, blah, blah, blah. Good news for our neighboring Canadian farmers. Up north it's totally fine to harvest this versatile wacky weed. Which has been used to make (aside from the obvious) everything from jewelry, clothes and now – Hemp milk. Brought to you by the folks at Living Harvest. Tempt™ is their non-dairy, soy free alternative that's perfect for cooking, baking and drinking. It’s also chock full of the essentials every lactose, intolerant organism needs to grow up big and strong.
- 00mg Omega-3 Fatty Acid
- 2800mg Omega-6 Fatty Acid
- 10 Essential Amino Acids
- 46% of RDA of Calcium
- 0% Cholesterol
- Vitamin A
- Vitamin B12
- Folic Acid
- Vitamin D
- And more!
Hemp is a hit on the Today Show!
by Tom McConville (NWM Staff Writer)
Finally, a group of like-minded individuals who share one of the issues I’m most passionate about – proper bathroom etiquette. For too long I’ve felt I’ve been a lone voice. Railing against the sins others have committed in public lavatory. As this website (icbe.org) clearly demonstrates, bathroom etiquette is real, it’s smart, and it’s overdue.
Case in point. Three stalls? One to the far left is occupied. The others are open. What do you do?
- take the stall to the far right.
- Take the stall in the middle.
ANSWER: A! ALWAYS A. NEVER NOT A. A FOREVER.
by Tom McConville (NWM Staff Writer)
Never listened to Gretchen Wilson. Liked Alice in Chains most out of all the Seattle groups. This caught my eye during my exile from the workforce. Now, you can be a music snob all you want, but it’s pretty hard to argue that the guitar riff for Barracuda isn’t one of the best ever. And I think this might be a better version than the original.
Building on the Battle of The Network Stars fever of the late 70s, ABC green lighted Laff-A-Lympics. A groundbreaking animated series that featured 45 of the Hanna-Barbera staples competing in all types of Olympic competitions. Announcing duties went to the always witty Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf. The cartoon aired from 1977-78. Sadly it ended without an official medal ceremony or at least letting us know the final scores. Thankfully Wikipedia did go through all the episodes and collected the results from every event. Here’s the official tally as of October 28, 1978…
The Scooby Doobies: 14 wins
The Yogi Yahooeys: 7 wins
The Really Rottens: 2 wins
by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)
I just figured out a surefire way to give my older sis a heart attack. Give the amazing Toy Tattoo gun to my niece for Halloween. What little girl wouldn’t want to experience her least sober moment in life, before age 4. I mean this will be way more traumatic than her first training bra or copy of “Oh, God It’s me Margaret.” No brainer, right? It’s only $129.95 on Amazon. And it comes complete with electronic gun, stencils, washable ink and loser boyfriend name suggestions for the perfect ex-love tat.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Most HBOers know Bob Einstein as Larry David’s quirky, uptight golfing buddy Marty Funkhouser. However, before Curb, back in the 80s, Bob was a regular on the Canadian comedy import – Bizarre. His most famous role – SUPER DAVE OSBORNE. A stuntman that positioned himself to be the next Evil Knievel. Unfortunately Dave wasn’t quite as successful in the daredevil department. In fact, most of his stunts tended to go horrifically awry. Still fans loved it, which gave Super Dave the opportunity to have his own tv series, a cartoon and a slew of specials like the 2009 Super Dave Spike Tacular.
One of Super Dave's classic stunts...
My money is on Air Horn. Here’s what your hard earned 99¢ gets you…
- 3 classic air horn-inspired sounds – original, annoying, car and ship.
- Quick acting stop button.
- The ability to scare the crap out of your dog or any other small, timid animal.
- Neat air horn graphic.
- Easy to use interface.
Plush Oktoberfest Chicken Hat will definitely make you the life of any drinking house or couch. This festively appropriate plush chicken comes complete with authentic German lederhosen, Alpine hat and beer stein. And if you really want to give your awkward, teen kids a special treat the hat also can be used as a crazy puppet. Only $19.95. Click here to order.
Please Note: One size fits all dads and grandpas.
The Shot: TALUGER
Good for when you have had too much already so what the heck, or for stupid dares among friends and enemies:
Step 1- Use 1 and 1/2 ounce tequila, preferably Cuervo Gold (anything worse will make this intolerable, anything better will be a waste.)
Step 2- Add a couple of splashes of Peter Luger Steak Sauce.
Step 3- Pour into mixer, no ice and give a stir.
Step 4- Serve up the shots.
Step 5- Enjoy!!! Pass out. Not necessarily in that order.
by Tom McConville (NWM Staff Writer)
There’s a number of those cheesy “Successories” posters on the walls. A book entitled The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens sits in my line of sight. The man behind me may or may not be looking at porn on one of the public computers. Welcome to my hometown’s Public Library. And my life as an unemployed 40 year old. Is this Not Worth Mentioning? Probably. I’m no different than many other people out there right now. But because it’s happening to me, and I’m a self-absorbed schmuck throwing a month long pity party, it seems like an awfully dramatic time in my life.
I have become Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom. And while this has its advantages – like the 4-day streak of wearing the same sweat pants without much protesting from others in my house – I don’t want to do this anymore. Aside from being nervous every waking minute of the day, being jobless is boring. It reminds me of the first 6 months of being a new dad. The first day is amazing, life changing, and mind blowing. But come the 3rd week, when you’re job becomes feedings and diaper changes, the magic of the moment loses its luster. The first 6 months of a baby’s life is well….boring. There’s a reason you freak out the first time they roll over, or point, or smile for real (instead of when they have gas). Because it’s the first exciting thing you’ve seen in months!
So it is with being laid off. You get geared up in the first few days, thinking, “Hey, it’s not so bad. Now I can do what I want”. But then, after a few weeks, doubt creeps in, and so does the drudgery of waking up knowing you have nowhere to go. I think it was sometime last week when the excitement of “doing what I want to do” was replaced by, “If I have to go to the park with my kids again today, I’m taking a hostage”. Plus, the overriding feeling of having to find a job – any job – just to make ends meet.
Yeah, my struggles are nothing new. And this is a little vain on my part. But this blog gives me something to do, aside from annoying recruiters all day long and using Linked In as my personal corporate matchmaking service. I’m going to keep writing here until I find a job. And then, when I do find a job, I’ll bitch about what a crappy job it is and that I should really do what I want to do.
by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)
Here we are in the thick of fall and the job market is still as sucky as the summer. That is if you’re going after those cushy, clean-cut, 9 to 5 positions that involve a desk, paperwork and water-cooler banter. Now if you don’t mind getting a little dirt under the fingernails (and every orifice) you’ve got a world of crappy job options.
Poultry Processor (salary range: $16,000-$30,000) : Essentially you’d be helping to add more processed chicken to the world. Your job? Working on chicken death row. Killing, cleaning, feather plucking and If that’s not enough – ripping out gizzards.
Lift-pump remover (Salary range: $22,000-63,000): The good news is you get paid to swim. The bad news, you’re not surrounded by Baywatch beauties or even the Hoff. You’re the guy (or gal) that dives into muck and filth to clean out jammed pumps in raw sewage treatment plants.
Animal semen collector (Salary range: $17,000-$54,000): Title says it all. Though, in case you’re curious, the animals in question are bulls, pigs, goats and turkeys.
Crime-scene cleaner (Salary range: $25,000-$68,000): I love watching those gritty cop dramas where they take you through a murder scene. Show you the blood splattering and guts smeared on the walls. My only question was who cleans the sh-t up after the badges leave? Now I know. Bloody awful job, but decent benefits and a 401K.
Odor judge (Salary range: $19,000-$52,000): You get paid to sniff anything from armpits to smelly feet. All in the name of product consumer testing. God forbid any defective deodorant or foot powder hits the shelves. At least not on your watch.
Monday, September 28, 2009
by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)
There are a lot out there. Step-by-Step, Full House, My Two Dads, Perfect Strangers and Punky Brewster all took top honors. Though in the end, the big prize had to be Angie (1979 -1980). It has the same melodramatic feel as the other songs. It’s just way longer. Clocks in at a minute and forty. It also came out years before those other comedies. Which makes Angie truly a trendsetter in the area of feel-good-cheesy sitcom openings.
Trivia: Doris Roberts (Everyone Loves Raymond fame) plays the mother. Begs the question of just how old is she.
YOM KIPPUR: A TIME TO ATONE, BRUSH YOUR TEETH 5 OR 6 TIMES AND WATCH BRUCE WILLIS BLOW UP AN ASTEROID.
by one hungry Jew
I am a Jew. And for me, today marks the holiest of holy days. Yom Kippur. However, I am reformed Jew. So that changes things up a smidge. Mind you the holy, repenting thing is still very much a part of the quotient. I go to temple later in the day (if I’m visiting my parents). I do the fasting thing. And of course I atone for my sins. I just do a modified version. At sundown the result is still the same. I’d give my right anything for a bagel with a schmear of cream cheese (slice of tomato or not). Oh, and I feel like I'm closer to God and all that. I just don’t do the uber-Jew thing and pray all day in temple, or sit in a dark room and do absolutely nothing. So how do I get through the day? Here are my 2 vital tips for SURVIVING YOM KIPPUR.
I Brush My Teeth A Lot: The rule is you can’t ingest water or food all day, but God said nothing about good ol’ fluoride. So if some trickles down the throat, hey, that’s nothing I can control. Plus (and this is the gross part), when you rinse your mouth out with water you're upping your saliva supply. This is a good thing. ‘Cause later when you swallow your own spit at 4:53pm (during the Rabbi’s sermon) there’s actually some water in it. Does a semi-decent job of quenching your thirst.
Movies, Not TV: Try not eating and drinking for a day and watching TV. Every other commercial is about a mouthwatering, juicy burger or bubbly delicious cola! It’s maddening. Now, movies you don’t have that problem. Commercial-free. The problem is what genre to watch. Comedies almost always have some sort of food moment. When Harry Met Sally has the iconic deli scene. In Superbad they’re kibitzing in Home-Ec or the cafeteria for practically the first half of the movie. And in Tommy Boy, Farley goes on and on about meat lovers pizzas, bear claws and M&M’s. Horror flicks are no good either. There’s almost always the “oversized knife in the kitchen” confrontation. Or some clueless person rummaging through a fridge chock full of food, turns around (with turkey drumstick in hand) only to come face-to-face with a psycho zombie. Your only safe bet (to me) is mindless action. Specifically the Bruckheimer films like Armageddon, The Rock or Con-Air. It’s car chases, gunfights and slow motion, sweaty people running from explosions the moment you start watching. Plus, Jerry’s movies tend to run long. So all you need is about 3 ½ features and before you know it – Temple Time has arrived. Then it’s only 2 short hours 'til you're knocking back a brownie and orange juice.
So I hope this helps – or at least enlightens those as to what we reformed Jews have to suffer through on this holiest of holy days.
by Molly Picardi (NWM Staff Writer)
It's October. Most of those of us seeking an education, wither for ourselves or our children, have already purchased the usual supplies: textbooks, computers, and what not. Yet, many of us can't seem to shake the nagging feeling that we've forgotten some vital and essential thing- that one thing that will make this year different and create that competitive edge. So, recently I've been looking around and I think I've finally found it, that one thing (or several “one things”) that are crucial, yet tragically overlooked on most people's shopping lists. Here is a list of the top five items for the really ambitious back-to-school shopper.
5)Inanimate Character Stickers- Sometimes back to school can seem a bit boring. You buy the same old notebooks, the same old number two pencils, the same old pink erasers. Well, no longer! This product will, quite literally give character to any boring school supply- simply attach the face of your choosing. After all, who doesn't want to take the SAT with an angry pencil glaring at them.
4)Ninja Electronics Duster- Don't you hate it when your keyboard gets dusty and grimy? Now you can clean it with the stealth and power of a NINJA WARRIOR
3)Earth Dog Tags- Thinking of studying abroad? There's a lot out there and, safe as your college or university is at home, there are always unfamiliar risks with going to a different country. Has it ever occurred to you that places like Madrid or Florence may not be quite as extra-terrestrial free? Luckily these dog tags have been engraved with several different ways to locate the earth from any point within the galaxy.
2)Shakespeare Insult Gum- Remember the days when gum chewing was banned in schools? This gum is not only educational, it's also humbling. Each piece is shaped like a leather bound book and comes complete with a gum ball and a personal Shakespearian insult. Any student without one is certainly an “idle headed, maggot pie.”
1) Knitted Frog Dissection- In my opinion this one is the most essential of the list, particularly for the aspiring biologist. This lovely frog is hand knit (you can even make one at home) and can be opened to display the complete internal anatomy of you amphibious friend. Time for bed? No problem the frog can be quickly pinned closed and is ready for snuggling and bedtime stories.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The holy vision of the Son of God appeared to Mysticalgardener (her username) on top of a cooked Mrs. T’s Cheddar Perogi. Now she wants give away this good fortune to one lucky individual. Currently, Perogi Jesus is being kept in her freezer for safe keeping. Starting bid is $5. Click here for more info.
Did you know…
1- An office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet.
2- A headache and inflammatory pain can be reduced by eating 20 tart cherries.
3- A blink lasts approximately 0.3 seconds.
4- A one kilogram packet of sugar will have about 5 million grains of sugar.
by Barry S. (NWM Staff Writer)
Who would have thought that Van Gogh's ear still made news? In the latest issue of Artnews his ear is still talking up a storm (is that possible?). Scholars are debating what really happened to make him cut his ear off. The accepted story is that Van Gogh cut it off to give to a prostitute. But a new version says that Gauguin sliced it off with his sword during a fight and the two conspired to cover up the crime. Wow! I think these guys are watching CSI too much. And today, the ear is still talking to people in its own way. Restaurant names, rubber ears, music groups, plays, short stories--all have been created using his ear in some form. The 150th anniversary of Van Gogh's birth occurred in 2003. Amazing that he is still one of the most popular artists in history.
Best drink if your football team is getting blown out in the 4th.
Sweet vermouth is the perfect pick-me-up, even after watching the defense tee-off on your QB for the 7th straight time.
- 2 ounces blended whiskey- rye is best
- 1/2 ounces each- sweet vermouth and dry vermouth
- Dash of bitters (optional)
- 2–3 ice cubes
- Shake well and add to chilled glass
- Garnish with a Maraschino cherry and/or lime peel
Writers, directors and producers toss in hidden gems to TV episodes all the time. Most of the time none of them are visible to the naked viewer eye. That is unless you’re a complete media dork like me. This past week I found 1 in the House M.D. season 6 premiere …
MENTAL PATIENT TALENT SHOW SCENE:
One of the talent show acts were a trio of men singing the Russ Morgan classic – You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You. The song used in the opening credits of the iconic 90s film, SWINGERS. One of the mental patients singing that tune was none other than Alex Désert. He played Charles in the same film. Coincidence?
Find anymore TV Hidden Gems send ‘em in to: firstname.lastname@example.org
by Greg Colfaz (NWM Staff Writer)
A big howdy from Cottonwood, Idaho. So the other day I had to do an errand for my boss. He needed some check (for some permit) dropped off at the Cottonwood Chamber of Commerce building. Easy sell for me, since I can’t stand jockeying the supermarket register at lunchtime. Especially when it’s 2 for 1 Tuna cans day. Thrillsville. Anyway, I get to the building and drop off the check no problem. I had about 4 cups of Chatterbox Cafe coffee in my system so I really needed a pit stop. I figured I'd go in the Commerce building bathroom. Walking in it looked to me like any other office park men’s room – 3 urinals, 3 stalls. Standard issue. I chose the last one of the left and went. In mid stream is when it happened. 2 coworkers walk in and they proceeded to heinously break the unwritten “guys at the urinal” code. They used the two next to me. A Urinal Trio! Unheard of, right? When 2 or more guys are at the urinals, you always have a 1 space buffer zone. Someone else comes in (with no properly spaced urinals), that person gets the stall. That’s just how it is. The middle stall should never ever be touched. Only on these 3 occasions is it kosher.
- In a stadium (preferably after the beer cut off in the 7th inning or 3rd quarter).
- Rock concerts (during the drum or guitar solo)
- Bar men’s room pee trough (Wiki it)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Completely terrified of this movie when I saw it back in '91. And by then it was already 4 years old. As far as I'm concerned – hands down the best of the 5. It's also the only one they didn't release on DVD. Yet. FYI, it was the silver balls that really scared the %$#%@ out of me.
Leapfrog my ass. Mego’s 2-XL is the truly the ultimate old school toy for kids of all ages. This 1978 classic teaching tech comes complete with …
- 2XL game robot
- 3 games (General Information, Sports 2 and Guinness Book of World Records)
- A/C Adapter
- Instruction book
- And box (semi-intact)
FYI, it’s also a fully functional 8-Track player, so get ready to dust off those Juice Newton albums.
by Barry S. (NWM Staff Writer)
OK, everyone's been talking about the proposed changes to health care so I suppose I should chime in. After all, I haven't seen any angry retiree being quoted. You can see plenty of them on TV demonstrating. And they should demonstrate because how else can they get their point across. But I have news for them. When all is said and done, get ready to see Medicare reduced. Oh, it wont happen overnight. When the final bill passes there will be projections of costs over the next ten years (and when did the government ever get cost projections right over one year let alone ten but that's another story) so Medicare will be safe for ten years (maybe). But after that it will be fair game and cut they will. So this generation will be safe. But people are living longer and what about the next generation? Before, people were worrying that Social Security would go broke. Now they can add reduced health care to their list of worries.
The NY Times has an article about Senator Bill Nelson of Florida struggling with this issue. He sounds like a decent guy who wants to look out for us seniors. But let me tell you Bill, give up. Medicare will be on the chopping block whatever you do.
This was pretty much the statement (I might’ve embellished a little for blogging sake) that I read in an editorial piece on Waterboarding. The article was exploring both sides of the issue. Is Waterboarding humane? Is it the right thing to do (during wartime) to extract vital information to save millions of lives? The “kissing cousins” thing was actually a comment made by RghtWingman76 about the article. His real comment read…
“Waterboarding is not torture, we did it all the time as children, it's called a ‘swirly’ when you get it in high-school. The only difference is kids used toilet water.”
Wondering if their was any merit to this Limbaugh-like statement I did a little Wiki searching for both definitions. Here’s what I found. You be the judge.
Swirly (or Swirlie):
The act of holding the victim upside down with his or her head in the toilet bowl, and flushing. Typically perpetrated by two or more older, larger individuals. More commonly known as bogwashing in the U.K.
Is a form of torture that consists of immobilizing the victim on his or her back with the head inclined downwards, and then pouring water over the face and into the breathing passages, causing the captive to believe he or she is dying.
In 2006, a revolutionary product was released to the German press – The Spray-on Condom. The way it works is you insert your penis into a small container filled with spray nozzles and PRESTO, a condom instantly appears. It’s being billed as the must solution for odd shaped genitalia looking for the perfect fit. Each liquid cartidge makes 20 latex condoms (depending on length and girth). Inventor Jan Vinzenz Krause was all set to roll it out by the end of the year. Yet, here we are 3 years later and still no magic love glove. The following are some of the set backs Jan has confronted…
- During testing men became squeamish with the insertion process.
- Men also felt the noise (made during the application process) killed the mood.
- Dry time longer than expected.
- Costs twice as much as a regular pack of condoms.
- Liquid latex doesn’t form a reservoir tip.
Check out the Spray-on Condom in action…
Friday, September 25, 2009
This cocktail will help you forget that crumby week at work, and the last 20 years of your life.
DEAD MAN'S HILL PUNCH recipe (by bartender Matt):
In a tall 16 oz mixing glass fill with cubed ice then add: 1 oz of Stolichnaya Vodka.
1 oz Beefeaters Gin
1 oz of Jose Cuevo Gold Tequila
1 oz of Bacardi Rum
1/2 oz of Triple Sec
2 oz of sweet and sour bar mix.
2 oz of cola.
Then float 1/2 oz of Bacardi 151 Rum on top
Stir it up.
Garnish with a thin slice of orange AND lemon then insert a straw, serve and blissfully forget.