Saturday, October 31, 2009

BOBBING FOR APPLES: THE ADULT VERSION


Here’s a simple way to turn an age-old Halloween game (for kids) into a treat for all adults.

Step 1. Collect apples you will be using for game.

Step 2. On each apple, carve the initials of a partygoer (you may carve a person’s initials on multiple apples depending of the size of the party).

Step 3. Fill a large basin with water.

Step 4. Place apples in water.

Step 5. Partygoers must try to catch apples with their teeth.

Step 6. Depending on the apple they get the following can happen...

  • if it has the initials of an opposite sex partygoer, the two must kiss for a predetermined length of time.
  • If the initials are of the same sex partygoer, you can either choose that person or select anyone of the opposite sex.
  • If the person chooses an apple with their own initials they too can select any partygoer.
NOTE: To avoid the "same sex" problem (if it is an issue), you can set up separate basins for boys and girls.

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BARTENDER MATT’S SHOT FOR ANY SITUATION: THE HALLOWEEN PARTY STARTER


Perfect shot to give you an energized kick-start to a night filled with possible tricks or treats.

THE RED-EYE

Ingredients:

  • Vodka
  • Red Bull Energy Drink
  • Ice

Directions:

  • Add ingredients into cocktail shaker
  • Shake well
  • Pour in shot glasses
  • Toast to the night.
  • Repeat

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RUMOR HAS IT THESE ARE THE YANKEE TOLERANT BARS IN PHILLY.


Yankee fans span the globe far and wide. Usually they can walk anywhere without fear of persecution, except maybe in Boston and NOW Philly. If you do find yourself in this City of Brotherly Love tonight, here are some bars that’ll show Y-fans a little compassion. Or at the very least, they won’t spit on you.

WARNING: During the regular season it might be fine to display your Yankee pride at these places, but during a World Series it’s best to stick with Yankee box briefs, undershirts or condoms.

THE FIELD HOUSE – 1150 Filbert St

PAT'S PUB – 3884 M St

GREY LODGE PUB – 6235 Frankford Ave

PUB WEBB – 1527 Cecil B. Moore Ave.


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LAST SECOND BAG OR BOX COSTUMES FOR SLACKERS.




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THE BANNED FILM THAT TRULY SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME.


In the summer of ’85 two video rentals left lasting impressions in my oversized head to this day – Wrestlemania and Faces of Death III. I’m sure legions of wrestling fans can recall the first Hulk-a-maniac's event blow by body-slam. Though not many have privy to the latter. Faces of Death (I through IV) were a series of films that pretty much lived up to the title. Each flick was a collection of “home-movie style” vignettes that portrayed all kinds of gruesome, final chapters. Animals being slaughtered. Prisoners being electrocuted. Even horrific, historical footage of the napalm bombings in Vietnam. Though, the one that sticks out in my mind the most was the guy that plummeted to his death from a tall building. I still remember him hitting the ground and not splatting, but bouncing a bit. Eeeewww. What scared me the most was that all of stuff I was watching was real. At least that’s what the filmmaker John Alan Schwartz led us to believe. Years later I found out that 40% of the human deaths were faked. Still, it didn’t make a bit of difference to me. To this day, Faces of Death was one of the scariest things I ever laid my eyes on. Of course I was 15, and yes, I did also believed in the validity of Wrestlemania.

Here are some other little known facts about this frightening, fake-ish series…

  • The budget of the first (1978) film was $450,000.
  • The film jumped to supercult status and to date has grossed 35 million.
  • The film's “banned in 30 countries” warning is a bit misleading, since it was only temporarily banned in Australia, New Zealand, Norway and Finland.
  • John Alan Schwartz (credited as Johnny Getyerkokov) made cameos in all of the films, including appearing as a leader of a flesh-eating cult.
  • Faces of Death producers have recently released a 30 anniversary DVD/Blu Ray collection.


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Friday, October 30, 2009

DELICIOUS DEXTROSE FROM AROUND THE WORLD.


Germany
France.

Italy
Israel
Japan

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MONSTERS THAT ARE SERIOUS DOUCHES, BUT NOT SO SCARY.

Here’s my personal list of meh monsters. 

Creature from the Black Lagoon

Phantom of the Opera

The Great Pumpkin

Evil Kirk






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HOW MANY PEOPLE HAS JASON HACKED TO DEATH?


America’s favorite psychotic goalie (Jason Voorhees) has amassed quite a kill list from all the Friday the 13th movies. Here’s the total tally (not including the remake, TV series or when he kicked Freddy’s butt).

  • Friday the 13th - ZIP (the mom did it)
  • Friday the 13th Part 2 - 9
  • Friday the 13th Part III - 12
  • Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter - 13
  • Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning - ZERO (credit goes to Crazy Roy) 
  • Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives - 18
  • Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood - 16
  • Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan - 19
  • Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday- 21* (*Jay's soul did the hacking.)
  • Jason X - 28

TOTAL BODY COUNT = 136

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SUNNY WEEKEND WEATHER FOR DEATH VALLEY.


Death Valley, CA 3-Day Forecast:

Friday: Lots of sunshine. High 86°F. Winds light and variable.

Saturday: Mostly sunny. Hot. High 91°F. Light winds.

Sunday: Sunshine throughout the day. Highs in the mid 90s and lows in the 60s.

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A ZOMBIE "HOW-TO" GUIDE.


by Joshen McEwen (NWM Staff Writer)

So I have been working on a new little series and I have been compiling all the ways that one CAN become a zombie. Now zombie mythology is deep and complicated, but I’m pretty sure that if you avoid the following list of Zombinogens, you can spend the rest of your life NOT being one of the rotting, disgusting undead.


1) Don’t get bit by zombies!

I think this goes without saying. But hey, it's worth repeating a couple of times. The first thing you should try and do is avoid is getting bit by a zombie. No matter how the person that bit you became a zombie it’s almost guaranteed that in their quest for flesh, if they bite you, you’re a goner. So avoid Zombie bites. In fact, one should avoid allowing any type of zombie infected fluid from entering any orifice. If you must have sex with a Zombie, use protection.

 

2) Beware of viruses, especially viruses that have single letter names.

Now the most popular "zombie causing" virus has to be the T-virus created by the Umbrella corporation from the Resident Evil franchise. Don’t be fooled, many zombie movies start off with a scientist tinkering with some type of reanimation agent that goes wrong. Sometimes the virus is nameless. Sometimes it’s in a vial with some sort of toxic waste label. Beware, If you're not sure what illness the virus causes (like the x virus) chances are it will turn you into a zombie.

 

3) Spontaneous Zombie Generation:

Now there have been unexplained zombie incidents, like in Michael Jackson’s Thriller. it was simply after midnight, or when the living dead just walk. I t just seems like this is happening because it’s time to happen. Usually this type of zombie incident is the result of the dead waking up and then killing the living, turning them into zombies. All we can do is hope that SZG doesn’t happen within your lifetime. Though it might be cool to happen to you if you’re already deceased.

 

4) Beware of Curses, Witch Doctors, Shamans, Village Elders and Spiritual leaders, and other supernatural beings.

The last thing you want is for someone to put a curse on you. Or conduct some type of hobos pobos, majimbob that turns you into the living dead. Many zombies have been made corporeal by some type of religious summoning. Watch out for people carrying shrunken heads, some type of really cool looking stick, or that threatens you with an army of the undead. Some mythological higher beings are also responsible for creating the undead. Beware, in some cases vampires have been known to create and employ zombie henchman .

 

5) Do not ingest any form of Zombie flesh or undead animal.

Anything that has become a zombie can potentially turn you into a Zombie. So if you eat the odd zombie cow hamburger, (after you die from the food poisoning) you too will rise from the dead.

 

6) Aliens also create zombies:

For some odd reasons aliens come half across the universe to reanimate our dead, or inhabit them. It may be a cosmic joke or sometimes it’s the self-preservation of a dying race. Either way when aliens make their way to earth, they make life a nightmare for all the rest of us.

As long as you avoid the 6 listed reasons I can ALMOST guarantee you wont become a Zombie. 

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Thursday, October 29, 2009

GO JESUS! KICK SOME RIGHTEOUS ASS.


[Adult Swim.com] presents Bible Fight. Think Mortal Combat meets the Old and New Testaments. Cast of fighters include: Moses, Mary, Noah, Eve, Satan and Jesus. Each game is a one on one 3 round battle. You win, you move on to fight another character. Along with the usual ass-whooping abilities (kicks, punches, knee to the groin, etc.), characters also have secret weapons. These powers relate to their biblical backstory, like Eve and her snake issues. Onward Christian soldiers to Adultswim.com.

Tip: Like Mortal Combat, the least likely candidates usually have the best powers, and are the most agile. Go with Eve or Mary (see below). You won’t be sorry.


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HOLY SHIH TZU! ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT!

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

It’s down to the wire for Prince William the 4th and me! Still deliberating between these 4 looks I bought. Though rain or shine, costume or not, we will be marching in the Brooklyn Heights Halloween Parade this Saturday at 10am. Onto the nominations courtesy of costumecraze.com.

[FYI…try to imagine a Shih Tzu wearing these outfits.]

Doggie Dino


Doggie Harry Potter
Doggie Cat in the Hat
Doggie Yoda

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WHY BLUE RIBBON?


PBR might not be able to compete with those fancy schmancy Euro-Micro Brews. Then again, it won’t cost you $8 a cup. To date, I can walk into any bar and get Pabst for a buck. And we’re not talking during a “weeknight, no one’s in the bar” special. That’s pretty much still the going rate. Pabst is also still one of the last surviving private brewers that hasn’t been gobbled up by bigwigs MillerCoors or Anheuser-Busch. As far as the blue ribbon thing goes, that dates all the way back to 1882. Back then (as a symbol of quality) they used to tie a blue ribbon around every PBR beer they sold. A practice that lasted until 1916.     

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WORDS FROM A WANDERING NY JEW.


by Fred M. (NWM Staff Writer)

Ever notice how buildings always have names like the Wellington, or the Aldridge, or the Renoir? Doesn’t anyone want to live in The Shapiro, or The Gonzalez, or The Khawaja?  

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CAN'T GET YANKEES TIX? BUY THE GARBAGE.


by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)

I’d say this definitely falls in the “Ahhh! Why didn’t I think of that,” category. Artist/entrepreneur Justin Gignac has been turning trash into treasure since 2001. Now eight years later he has sold 1,200 of his trademark garbage cubes. Mini 3D squares filled with a sampling of the best NYC garbage. Each one goes for $50, and no two cubes are alike. Justin also sells limited edition cubes from big NYC events like The Republican National Convention, New Year’s Eve and even inaugural trash from opening day at Yankee and Mets stadiums. No telling how much the World Series trash is going to be worth. Depending on who wins of course.

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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

OH YEAH, WHAT DID I SEE HIM IN?


Name: Bruce Davison

Date of birth: June 28th, 1946

Big debut: Appeared on Broadway in Tiger at the Gates and The Elephant Man.

Early beginnings: Starred in the movie Willard. Had guest roles on Love, American Style and Police Woman.

Earned his acting stripes: Received a Best Supporting Actor nomination for the movie Longtime Companion.

What you’ve probably seen him in: Memorable role as Senator Robert Kelly in X-Men and X2.

Small screen guest spots: Numb3rs, Lost, Criminal Minds and The Closer.

Other big screen appearances: Spies Like Us, Runaway Jury and Apt. Pupil.

Series regular on: Stephen King’s Kingdom Hospital, Close to Home and the new Knight Rider.

Upcoming stuff: Movie roles in The Holiday House, Camp Hope and Christmas Angel.


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EBAY ODDBALL FIND: RARE DISNEY DOLLAR.


Actually, it’s a rare Minnie Mouse $10 bill from 1999, to be exact. Its low 5digit serial number ensures it was one of the earlier bills minted that year. Bill is in excellent condition (sharp color with a still crisp feel). Valued at $125. Click here for details. 

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I’M 32% SURE I SAW LINDSAY LOHAN ON THE SUBWAY PLATFORM YESTERDAY.


[Sent in by GeoRabbit556]

Totally was the spitting image of Lindsay (from what I could see). Had an ok view from where I was standing. I heard she was filming something around here.

Send in your celebrity sightings to NWM Celebrity Sightings Dept. at jcohen7523@gmail.com.  Make sure to include date and time.

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3 LAME DIRTY WORDS YOU CAN MAKE WITH A CALCULATOR.

Directions:

  • Step 1. Type numbers.
  • Step 2. Turn calculator upside down.


Number: 7734

Number: 32008

Number: 5318008






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4 WORTHLESS 80s MOVIE MONTAGES.

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

In the 80s, sappy movie montages were pretty much a given with every film. This cinematic crutch contained no dialogue. Instead you’d be treated to 5 plus minutes of an uplifting instrumental or song while watching the movie characters build something, fall in love or train to fight a bully. Here are 4 of ‘em that proves this pointless point.

ONE CRAZY SUMMER. (1986)

Montage Music: Jazzy, soft rock instrumental.

Montage Goal: Gang needs to rebuild a rundown boat to compete in a regatta.

Stars: John Cusak, Demi Moore and Jeremy Piven

SPRING BREAK (1983)

Montage Music: Caught Up In You [38 Special]

Montage Goal: Nelson needs to find a Coca-Cola for his soon-to-be girlfriend (Susie).

Star: David Knell

TOP GUN (1986)

Montage Music: Playing With The Boys [Kenny Loggins]

Montage Goal: Goose and Maverick need to win in volleyball.

Stars: Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, Anthony Edwards, Kelly McGillis 

Bonus: Offers eye candy and a smidge of homo-eroticism.

SECRET OF MY SUCCESS (1987)

Montage Music: 3 Themes [David Foster]

Montage Goal: Brantley (Carlton) and Christy need to formulate a business strategy to defend the company from a corporate takeover. 

Stars: Michael J. Fox, Helen Slater






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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

SEXY BOXERS THAT ENHANCE JUNK, FOR UNDER $10.

by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)

Fun Boxers Financial News Boxer Shorts for Men ($6.99) AMAZON

What attracts the ladies? Suggestive iconic, power imagery.

How it helps package? Gray tones create illusion of increased shadow length and girth.

Rock Band Men's Tattooed Skull Print Boxer Shorts ($9.99) KMART

What attracts the ladies? Exudes bad boy-ness.

How it helps package? Strategically placed skulls.

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SWEET AMISH RIDES FOR 2010.





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TALES FROM CATHOLIC SCHOOL DETENTION.


Todd (St. Francis School / class of ’78):

If we were caught swearing or taking the Lord's name in vain we were sent packing to Sister Morales. She was the one who’d use the paddle on us. Supposedly SM used to carry a pointer stick, but it broke on some kid's behind. 10 whacks was usually standard. On the plus side, detention never lasted more than 12 minutes.

Ronald (Saint Joseph’s Academy / class of ’82):

We were pretty much put to work for our detentions. They’d have us guilty ones come in on a Saturday (which always seemed to be sunny). We'd then spend hours cleaning the erasers and chalkboards, plus emptying the trash buckets. Friar Greg watched us the whole time making sure we didn’t make a peep or a snicker.

Dave (St. Williams / class of ’83):

We used to get detention for odd stuff, like using a pen in class or if our uniform was messed up. Father Jacob would dispense the punishments. Usually he’d start with a rap on the knuckles (the man was a ninja with a ruler). Then Father J. would have us write our “shortcoming du jour” on the blackboard about a zillion times (or 100). I will not be tardy to class. I will not be tardy to class. I will not...

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WHO’D WIN IN A BAR FIGHT: GEORGE JETSON OR GEORGE JEFFERSON?


JETSON:

  • Age: 47
  • Height: 5’ 9”
  • Weight: 185 lbs
  • Arm Length: 68”
  • Skills: Joined the army for an episode. Went toe to toe with Astro and Cogswell’s Cogs.

JEFFERSON:

  • Age: 71
  • Height: 5’ 6”
  • Weight: 158 lbs.
  • Arm Length: 66”
  • Skills: Boxed in the navy. Lived in NY, in the 70s.

Winner: JETSON (age, height & reach being deciding factors.)

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WHY STEP IN IT, WHEN YOU CAN WEAR IT.



In the states we’ve got all kinds of words that sound the same, but have completely different meanings. Really helps for punching up those word puzzle magazines you only see in a dentist's waiting room. In Japan they too have their own weird word relationships. “Kanji” means "lucky" and if you slightly tweak it, you get "poo". Though looking past the obvious poo-pun, golden crap is actually considered good luck in some parts of the world. And now you too can harness the power of poo for only $4.99. Wear this golden charm around your wrist, attach it to your cphone or give golden feces to a good friend. 

Poo measures .5”

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OPEN LETTER TO THOSE WHO WHORE IT UP FOR HALLOWEEN.


by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

This is by no means some preachy, “after-school special” speech trying to get young, impressionable girls to face their low self-esteem issues, and not vamp it up for H-day. Wasted words as far as I’m concerned. I was 21. I know the lure of being able to drop your prim and proper façade one day out of the year. Back in the day I totally shoved my size 6 body into a short, short, spandexy, costume that showed off my young curves and perky, ample cleavage. Mostly I did it to impress some guy in my sociology class. Turned out to be creep, but that’s a whole other story. Anyway, as I said before, the advice part is NOT about the “sexing it up." It’s about keeping your brain intact for the evening. Lets face it, 4 hours at a kegger (or bar) full of horned up guys, dressed half naked is going to draw all kinds of attention – good and creepy. So here are my personal Halloween Vamp survival tips for the night...

Costume Choice:

BATGIRL

Reason:

It can be as form fitting as you want (see visual). A utility belt is also part of the costume. Much better than dragging a purse around, that you'll probably lose.

Vamp Belt Supplies (other than the mints, money & makeup):

C-PHONE For obvious reasons.

EMERGENCY CASH STASH – For cab fare. Rest assured, the crazy party crowd will split you and your friends up (including the one that drove).

PEPPER SPRAY – It might seem silly, ‘til you’re walking to the diner on a dimly lit street.

CONDOM – You might say no, but the 5 beers and shots might make you think otherwise. Regardless if you regret it the next day, you should at least be safe that night.

ASPIRIN – (If you use that condom) helps with all types of headaches the next morning.

Keep some henchmen around:

Probably be a good idea to keep some real guy buddies (you trust) close at hand, just in case some Joker gets a little too touchy feely.

That’s pretty much it. If you need me I’ll be home with my roommate, 3 Netflix DVDs and a pint of something.

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Monday, October 26, 2009

 
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