Monday, February 28, 2011

4 THINGS I’M 72.8% SURE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT NUDIE PENS


#1- Floaty pen is the technical term for these writing implements.


#2- The majority of these erotic pens were manufactured in Denmark.


#3- Stephen Merchant masturbated to a nudie pen in Season 2 of The Extras.


#4- A crapload of these pens were made in the 1960s.

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Sunday, February 27, 2011

NOPE! NEVER WON AN OSCAR FOR BEST ANIMATED SHORT IN 2007!


F U academy!!! I mean, I thought my film could’ve gone toe-to-toe with a Pixar-laced bird or lamp. But alas (like The Color Purple), I was snubbed. 
Anyhow, since it is Oscar day, I figured I’d show you my animated opus.

BEFORE YOU WATCH
Just a bit of set up needed. The film was made on imovie using a stop action technique. And it is number 2 in a two part series. Oh, and I do the voice of Pete.

SO FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION …

PETE “THE PARTIALLY” USED CONDOM (The sequel)

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Saturday, February 26, 2011

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK I’M GROSS? (Pt. 1 of an ongoing series)

Reason #1:
IS IT BECAUSE I LOVE MASHED POTATOES & KETCHUP?
Yep, I see how you Americans react when I squirt some tomato goodness on potato goodness. What I wanna know is why? I mean, Yahoo Answers states that 80% of men and women love, love, LOVE fries & ketchup. 
So what’s the big difference between the two? Saturated oil? Seriously, do you too think I’m barbaric (gross) for enjoying this meal? Tell me. I have thick skin (with a creamy center).

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Thursday, February 24, 2011

SUCK ON HER TEAT AND YOU WON’T REGRET IT


Camel milk will rock your world, in that awesome antimicrobial way. Apparently "the other white liquid" contains rich sources of proteins (that aren’t in cow-juice). Plus, C-milk is found to possibly help fight the big diseases like like cancer, HIV/Aids, Alzheimer’s, and hep B. Oh, and even those annoying lactose intolerant types can drink it with zero digestive issues. 
Now if anyone can tell me where to score Camel milk on the open market, I'd be one happy camper.

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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

SO UM, WHAT IF I GET THE MUNCHIES AT A NY TURKISH BATHHOUSE?


Excellent question! Top notch! And I actually have the answer since the RUSSIAN & TURKISH BATHS are a hop, skip and a sploosh from my apartment. And yes, there's a restaurant. Here’s a smattering of what you’ll find on the menu.






FYI…here's a pic of the pool, plus the hours & admission costs.

You’re welcome.


BTW…the new buttons are up at Bloggerdise.com – in 3 “limited edition” sizes!!! 
Perfect for trading and collecting. Click here to own your own for free.

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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

HEY BLOGOSPHERE! I’VE RESORTED TO SEARCHING THROUGH GARBAGE JUST FOR YOU!

On the heels of Mtv’s new series Skins, I’m launching my controversial new blog-series Trash: NYC. I’m sure the parallels are obvious...


Skins – Underage kids doing above-the-age stuff.

[No logo yet]
Trash:NYC – Old me, sifting through garbage in plain sight of people. 

Freaky similar plotlines, right?

Season 1 / Episode 1: COLLEGE TRASHY

First day of shooting and I found one of NY’s finest. I believe this can is one of the ’05 models.
Location: 3rd and 12th – right in front of the NYU dorm building.
Day/Time: Presidents’ Day / Afternoonish

Observation: Since it was a long holiday weekend the spoiled kids weren’t around to litter the can. 

Cost of viewable trash:
Gourmet coffee – $3.49
Poland Spring – $1.42
Gatorade – $4.48
Total: $9.39

Final assessment: Sadly since it was a holiday I found no evidence of fun in the trash: condoms, drugs, alcohol, etc.

Sorry. I’m hoping for a stronger episode 2.   

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Monday, February 21, 2011

NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE OBAMA PRESIDENT PORN DVDS FOR PRESIDENTS' DAY!


No one would blame you if you spent tomorrow checking out the prez sales at department stores. That’s your unalienable right. However I’m quite sure our founding fathers would have more respect if you celebrated P-day by viewing generous helpings of sins of the flesh.  Here are 3 gems starring our current prez (courtesy of pornparody.com).





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Sunday, February 20, 2011

A SHOT OF UBER-INAPPROPRIATENESS FOLLOWED BY A CHASER OF COOL


So wrong on so many levels, but what the hell – it is a church day.



Video #2 is from an up and coming urban rock band JAMIILI BROWN currently looking for blog promoters. Check ‘em out @ bloggerdise.com or jamilibrown.com
This is their hottest single. I belt it out every day in the shower – partially naked.

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Saturday, February 19, 2011

HOW DOES ONE EAT DOG IN SOUTH KOREA?


Thanks to most country laws, eating the ultimate hot dog is pretty much frowned upon. That being said you can still somewhat enjoy this delicacy in South Korea. However, they breed a dog that’s made for eating (not petting). The most popular of the dog dishes is Boshintang (보신탕; 補身湯) aka spicy stew. This dish is only enjoyed in the summer months (something to do with balancing human body heat). 
Other than dog, Boshintang is chock full of other delicious ingredients including … green onion, perilla leaves, and dropwort, and spices such as Doenjang (된장), Gochujang (고추장), and perilla seed powder. Bon Appetit!

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Friday, February 18, 2011

GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME


Last night there was nothing on the tube so I figured I’d play a rousing round of THE GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME. For all you first timers out there, the rules are simple. In the search area type in part of a statement or question. Then simply let Google  finish it off. Here’s how I did while enjoying a refreshing Zima®.








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Thursday, February 17, 2011

WEIRD AL OR EL AL?



1-In the mid 80s [_________] toured the world and made millions of dollars.


2-In 1990 [__________] gave notoriety to a stewardess nicknamed Airline Amy.

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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A DOUCHEY DID YOU KNOW


Jay Louis’s opus HOT CHICKS WITH DOUCHEBAGS has been on Amazon since July 8th, 2008. The book attempts to answer the questions about why hot women end up with douchebags and what can we as a civilized society do about it. Here are some other titillating tidbits. 

The book weight: 1.2 lbs (almost as much as a douchebag’s colon)

Number of pages: 240

Amazon bestseller ranking: 368,042

Best review quote:  "Arguably the greatest book ever written."


Price: $12.81 (for paperback)

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