Monday, October 31, 2011

WOULD YOU BELIEVE I FOUND WALDO WHILE HAVING LUNCH IN GRAND CENTRAL?


Yep, the wife and I were dining in the Grand Central food court on a chilly Sunday afternoon. 
Just as I looked up from my yummy falafel platter (you should totally order it)... 
...something caught my eye and well…I’ll let the picture do the talking.

For those of you who need a bit of help I circled Waldo. Or is it Waldette? 
Either way it still counts! I win! Happy Halloween!

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Sunday, October 30, 2011

AND THE WINNERS OF MY INAPPROPRIATE SHEEP CONEST ARE…


Wow! Some real quality entries these last 2 days. I don’t care what society (or Pennsylvania lawmakers) say – we’ve done some real good here. Alas, there can be only 2 winners and they are …


r.gers said...
Survival of the fittest, one sheep gets dunked in blue paint. The other sheep gets covered in olives. Which ever sheep survives the wilderness for a month (or a week?) wins!


danjor21
said...
I would use the paint to paint a big hoeseshoe on them. (I'm a huge Colts fan after all)

I would then assign and paint numbers on the sheep. Probably 87 for one (Reggie Wayne) and 44 for the other. (Dallas Clark)

I would line up #87 to the far left and #44 in the slot position. I would then do my Peyton Manning impression and call a play at the line of scrimmage. It would probably sound something like this...Omaha alert, fox 40, black sheep, big bad wolf, HUT HUT!

This would send #87 into a deep post pattern and #44 into an underneath curl route. 

I would throw the olives like footballs and the sheep with the most catches wins. Bonus points awarded to the sheep with the best end-zone celebration.

Fear not (or be very afraid) I’ll have another contest soon.

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Saturday, October 29, 2011

LAST DAY TO GET YOUR ENTRIES IN FOR THE "SHEEP VIOLATION" CONTEST


Just to recap…
The 2 winners will be crowned Blog of the Day & New Blog of the Day for the entire week.

The rules are simple…
In the comment area just tell me …
WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH TWO SHEEP, A CAN OF BLUE PAINT, AND A JAR OF BLACK OLIVES FOR 2 WHOLE MINUTES?

Rules:
You can offer up any other props and/or any other settings. HOWEVER, the scenario CAN NOT be you making love to a sheep. Other than that anything else is fair game.

Deadline:
You have up until tonight by 11:59 PM to get your entries in. I will announce the winners tomorrow on Sunday. 

See previous post for more details (if this thing floats your boat).

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Friday, October 28, 2011

YET ANOTHER CONTEST TO SEE WHO GETS BLOG/NEW BLOG OF THE DAY FOR THE WHOLE WEEK


I say one, but in actuality I will probably crown 2 winners that will be Blog of the Day & New Blog of the Day for the entire week. So what do you have to do? Easy. Just come up with something creative and twisted based on this scenario.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH TWO SHEEP, A CAN OF BLUE PAINT, AND A JAR OF BLACK OLIVES FOR 2 WHOLE MINUTES?

Rules:
You can offer up any other props and/or any other settings. HOWEVER, the scenario CAN NOT be you making love to a sheep. Other than that anything else is fair game.

To enter:
Leave your answers in the comment area today or tomorrow.

Deadline:
You have up until this Saturday by 11:59 PM. I will announce the winners on Sunday. 

WARNING: People will be creative with their answers. They might also be downright disgusting. So please DO NOT judge them. They are still human beings. They are still good people who write the blogs you love to read.

We done? Good. Now let’s see what you warped f*cks came up with.

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Thursday, October 27, 2011

YES, THERE IS A WINNING STRATEGY FOR ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS.


Wanna guarantee you never have to call for takeout, or wind up being designated driver for the night? Follow this "can't lose" strategy for the ultimate decision method – ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS.


Tip 1. Watch out for those trends. A lot of players often switch to what just beat them. They will most likely throw rock after just being smashed by one on the previous play. Instead, throw paper on the next round for a near certain victory.

Tip 2. Most newbies almost always lead with rock, so open with an easy win by starting with paper. 

Tip 3. Players almost never throw the same thing three times in a row. If they throw two papers in a row, toss a rock out there next to take that round.

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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

ODDS OF SH-T HAPPENING TO YOU

Dr. Ian Malcolm (math guru from Jurassic Park) preached about the chaos theory. Not sure if these fall into that category, but here are some f’d-up probabilities for you.


Being injured from using a chainsaw: 4,464 to 1


Being audited by the IRS: 175 to 1



Getting hemorrhoids: 25 to 1


              A meteor landing on your house: 182,138,880,000,000 to 1

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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

HOW MANY PEOPLE HAS JASON HACKED TO DEATH?


America’s favorite psychotic goalie (Jason Voorhees) has amassed quite a kill list from all the Friday the 13th movies. Here’s the total tally (not including the remake, TV series or when he kicked Freddy’s butt).
  • Friday the 13th - ZIP (the mom did it)
  • Friday the 13th Part 2 - 9
  • Friday the 13th Part III - 12
  • Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter - 13
  • Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning - ZERO(credit goes to Crazy Roy) 
  • Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives - 18
  • Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood - 16
  • Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan - 19
  • Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday- 21(*Jay's soul did the hacking.)
  • Jason X - 28
TOTAL BODY COUNT = 136

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Monday, October 24, 2011

SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA STONED PEOPLE ARE EATING THIS …


If you’re by way of Cleveland, Mississippi you might want to stop by East End Grocery to have [wait for it] KOOLICKLES
A signature dish that was cleverly concocted by Beverly Boddie. We’re talking 3 to 4 inches of solid pickle (Kosher or not), bathed in syrupy sweet red or green Kool-Aid. People have likened it to a sweet ‘n sour blow pop (if it existed).

Hey stoner peeps! Now you can make your very own KOOLICKLES. Just watch this video.


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Sunday, October 23, 2011

SWEET JESUS CANDY!


Looking for a wholesome treat? Well if the Lord Savior Jesus Christ is welcome in your home so will WALKING WITH JESUS gummy candy. Each Gummy Jesus footprint is only 87 calories and has zero fat. And right now on Amazon you can buy the WALKING WITH JESUS value sizes carton (which contains 25 mini-snack packs) for only $6.99. Good for car trips, religious retreat weekends, Sunday school, and church carnivals. And great for every member of the family, except if you have a 3 yr. old. Apparently these candies are choking hazards for young kids click here to order.

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Saturday, October 22, 2011

SO HOW DID CASPER DIE?

The classic 1950s Harvey cartoons always seemed to gloss over the subject. However Casper's cause of death was finally offered up in the 1995 big screen adaption starring Christina Ricci. Apparently the friendly ghost was originally a stubborn kid. Casper was sledding on a cold winter's day. His dad told him to come inside. Casper refused, and eventually contracted a fatal case of pneumonia. The end.

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Friday, October 21, 2011

PERFECT FOR ANY HALLOWEEN PARTY – GOBS OF FAKE BLOOD


By now all those party Halloween evites are circulating. You’ve done the rough menu planning. Gave some thought to the scary movie and ambient music catalog. Maybe even started designing the overall horrific décor. So how are you in the fake blood category? Sure you could go store bought, but then you only get a teeny tiny tube of watered down red. Now, if you're aiming for something a bit more Carrie and biblical proportions-like – create your own. It’s easy and edible…
1- Stir up light corn syrup and red food dye (or cherry drink powder mix) until it starts to look like blood.

2- Next add cocoa powder to your bloody goop. This will darken up the color a bit to give it more of a real blood look.

3-If the blood is too thick add some water (slowly) to thin it out.

4-Douse the crap out of everything and enjoy!

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

DO THEY HAVE CLOWN PORN ONLINE? IF SO, WHERE?


In this day and age? I’d be shocked if they didn’t.

Go to clown-porn.com (sorry, not poisoning our youth by providing a live link). The site is a collection of carnie and clown gals doing adult things with cream pies and seltzer bottles. It’s kinda like a regular porn site, only the chicks and dudes are wearing clown make up and funny wigs. Honka! Honka!

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

PREVIOUSLY ON NWM


Ok, the results are in AND WE HAVE A TIE! Sorry, but these two suggestions of how they’d spend their time were so good I couldn’t decide a winner. So both blogs will share honors this week. Congrats to …

"Uhm. I will eat your blog. For dinner. And then later on in the day I will ejaculate it into my ear. And then I will pull that out with a q-tip and stuff it in a doughnut, coat it in chocolate and call it bavarian cream. And it will make me rich."

"Get some big juicy green ones outa my nose and eat them for a snack. Fart really hard and then discover I need to change my underwear. Masturbate with a shampoo bottle. F*ck Coffeypot and Allen at the same time."


Congrats again! And if any of you are looking for giveaway sponsors for your blog [shameless plug] get ‘em for free @ https://www.bloggerdise.com/


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Monday, October 17, 2011

5 DAYS. 5 NIGHTS.


This week work is sending me to…wait, not sure I can say…don’t want to piss off the suits. All I can tell you is it rhymes with a Tainstorm Bonvention. Sadly (for me) it means I won’t be able to read your wonderful blogs. So I totally don’t mind if you ignore mine. Though I will leave you with this parting giveaway.

INSTEAD OF READING MY BLOG POST WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH 1.5 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME?

The person with the most creative answer will be blog / new blog of the day for the entire week. Enter as often as you like up until 11:59pm tonight. 

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Sunday, October 16, 2011

HEMP-TASTIC HALLOWEEN CUPCAKES


Totally tasty and legal.

INGREDIENTS:
DIRECTIONS (Makes 14 cupcakes):
In a cooking bowl, mix in shortening, sugar, hemp flour, salt, and baking powder. Add egg yolk, hempmilk and vanilla –blend well in mixer. Pour batter into lined muffin pan. Fill cups 1/2 full. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes. Decorate with chocolate and orange frosting. Add sprinkles. Serve. Enjoy.

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Saturday, October 15, 2011

HOW DID BAZOOKA JOE LOSE HIS EYE?


Sorry to be the bearer of bad news (depending on how you look at it), but there is no pivotal “Pesty shoots Bazooka in the eye” strip. Bazooka Joe never lost his eye to begin with. Seems back in the 50s (when Bazooka comics began) eye-patches were all the rage. The creators felt adding an eye-patch to the B-man would give him a more distinctive look. 
FYI…jury is still out on if Mort actually has a bottom half to his face. 

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Friday, October 14, 2011

SO HOW MUCH WILL A MEAL SET ME BACK AT THE BASE CAMP OF MT. EVEREST?


If you do find yourself right at the bottom of Nepal’s most famous mountain, drag your ass to Everest BaseCamp Restaurant

From 3 minutes of google searching it looks like the only must-eat place in town. 

Here’s how much it’ll cost you if you’re dining for one.

Tibetan broth – 5,00 euro


Chicken aloo mushroom – 15,50 euro


Kathmandu Noodles – 11,00 euro


Mango Cream – 4,00 euro

Total cost = 35,50 euro  / $48.84

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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

GUESS THE NIPPLE’S OWNER

My debut film was Angel Baby. Soon after I made a name for myself in Hollywood doing such memorable features as Deliverance, the Longest Yard, The Cannonball Run, and Smokey and the Bandit. In 1997, I was nominated for an Oscar for my role in Boogie Nights. I have made over 300 television appearances and have been married to Loni Anderson.

Click here for the answer


First person to get it right (without checking the answer) will be made blog / new blog of the day tomorrow. We'll go by the honors system.

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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

SO WHAT’S GOT THE COMIC NERDS IN SUCH A TIZZY?


DC is currently in the midst of launching the biggest overhaul of its superhero lineup since Crisis on Infinite Earths (nerd speak for a very long time). Don't worry, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and friends are still around. They are just slightly different. 

Overall the books are creating a lot of happy nerdlings! Though there is a hubbub over one of their hero/villains – Catwoman (see above). Apparently this new re-uber-vamped series, has a bit more sex appeal than some comic geeks (and their moms) can handle. See for yourself below and click here for the Newsarama article that further explains the Catwoman controversy.

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Monday, October 10, 2011

4 THINGS I’M 72% SURE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT ROBIN’S PANTIES


#1 “Holy Green Batman!” In 2005 the actual TV Robin costume was set at a pre-auction value of $35,000 – $40,000


#2- The panties first appeared in 1940 in Detective Comics issue #38.


#3- The Robin costume (panties and all) was inspired by Robin Hood because the character had been a favorite of Batman creators’ Bob Kane and Bill Finger.


#4- In the beginning, Burt Ward (TV’s Robin) was paid $350 a week to wear the green panties.

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