Monday, April 30, 2012

ONLY IN NY [thinks the arrogant NYer]


Yesterday, I saw this iron monstrosity creating all kinds of pedestrian danger and only one thing went through my mind, “Please don’t let it screw up the R train I'm taking.”

Self-centered NYer, party of one?

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Sunday, April 29, 2012

IF YOU’RE A JEW BORN IN THE 70s I WILL BLOW YOUR BAR MITZVAH LACED MIND.

Listen, read and remember...




"We’d like to call cousins ____&_____ to light the first candle!"

"Next up we want to call up Aunt ______ & Uncle ________ to light the next candle!"

"Now we’d like to have grandma _______ & grandpa _______ to light a candle!"

And you know how the rest goes.


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Saturday, April 28, 2012

1 JAR I JUST LOVE TO FINGER


MILKY WAY SPREAD: I simply can get enough of this creamy chocolate spread swirled with ribbons of vanilla icing.

NWM Tip: Perfecto with an ice-cold glass of milk and a Mallomar® or 12. 

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Friday, April 27, 2012

THE CHATTY CATHY OF DEATH ROW.

Prisoners sentenced to death don’t just get a last meal, they also get to say some last words for posterity, forgiveness…or sh*ts and giggles.



"Let's get it done. Let's lock and load ... it's plagiarized but what the hell."
—Matthew Eric Wrinkles, executed on Dec. 11th, 2009 in the state of Indiana

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Thursday, April 26, 2012

HEMP-TASTIC CANDY

Not sure of a dessert to bring to a party you’ve been invited to? How 'bout a bunch of Hemp suckers? Lollipops made from wholesome marijuana plants. Available in 4 yummy flavors – Cola, Citrus, Cherry, and classic Hemp. This cannabis candy will run you just $9.95 a dozen @ Hempcandy.com. Slightly less than a dime bag.

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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

HEY, BLONDES DO HAVE MORE FUN

Chad Kroeger is the blonde-haired front man for Nickelback and is reportedly worth $20 million.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

MEET THE WHORE OF THE PLANT KINGDOM

Sedums are a flowering plant species that can pretty much get it onand reproduce practically anywhere on the planet. They are resistant to droughts. Plus Sedums can hold their own against bugs and plantdiseases (regular or venereal).

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Monday, April 23, 2012

TEST YOUR “TASERED WB CELEBRITY” KNOWLEDGE


Which WB star (yes, I know the network is now called the CW) has been tasered?

Jamie Luner – Savannah

Nicholas Brendon – Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The older dude from – One Tree Hill



Hey congrats to Adam (@ Neko Random) for winning yesterday’s contest.





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Sunday, April 22, 2012

“Guess the real LIFETIME movie title” contest


Figure out which of these movies titles are actually real and you could be crowned "blog of the day / new blog of the day" for the entire week. First one to leave the right answer(s) in the comment area wins.

Touching Wild Horses

Crimes of Passion: She Woke Pregnant

Co-Ed Call Girl

Do you know the Muffin Man?

I Me Wed

Mother Trucker: The Diana Kilmury Story

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Saturday, April 21, 2012

Friday, April 20, 2012

GLITTER FUN FACT


The movie was released on September 21st, 2001 and was the 11th highest grossing film for that weekend, taking in $2,414,596.00.

The Glitter DVD is available @ Amazon for only $8.73.

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Thursday, April 19, 2012

YES, THIS IS AN IRRATIONAL PHOBIA


PHILEMAPHOBIA
Definition:
The intense fear of prolonged kissing.

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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

MANSCAPING TOOL OF THE DAY


Gone are the days of the Tom Sellecks, the Chuck Hestons and Burt Reynolds. Smooth body dudes (for the most part) still rule the big and the little screens. Sure there are still some hairy exceptions (Josh Holloway and Dick Van Patten), but for the most part, hairless is where it’s happening with the ladies. If you’re foregoing a wax session to self-manscape, just remember thy golden rules: 1) Whatever thou chops off, thou shalt expect to grow back with a fiery vengeance.2) Always be prepared.

BEST MANSCAPE MACHETE

  • High-performance trimmer attachment
  • Fast (XL) trimmer/comb for uber-hairy areas (back, butt & chest).
  • Extra-Sensitive trimming comb for groin area & underarms.
  • Hypoallergenic shaving foil - protects against nicks and cuts.
  • Water Resistant
  • Self-sharpening blades
  • Only $44.99 @ Amazon

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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

HOW TO PROPERLY USE A WHIP DURING ACTS OF BONDAGE.


Let’s simply say that a very, very close friend (who liked to experiment) taught me some pointers. Before you begin, it'd probably be a good idea to be in agreement about the safe word. Thanks to teen, screwballcomedies I'm sure everyone is pretty much familiar with the term. In case you're not, it’s the word you shout to immediately put an end to whatever merriment you’re doing...for safety reasons. Once that’s done, you’re ready to start.


Step 1. Tie up your partner so he or she remains perfectly still when utilizing your whip. Make sure the buttocks and thighs are fully exposed.


Step 2. When the whip is being used on you, play a more submissive role. Listen to your partner's orders.


Step 3. Be prepared for pain. Whips can and will cause welts. If this is a problem, use it gently. Again just the act of using a whip will cause pleasure, no matter how hard you use it.


Step 4. While being whipped the body will release endorphins, this will feel like a rush of pleasure. To some, this scenario will eventually culminate in an orgasm.


Step 5. Remember, the redness of the whippee’s skin can also be a turn-on for the whipper.


Step 6. Fresh whipped skin is also extremely sensitive (caused by increased blood circulation). This usually results in greater pleasure for most post-whipping activities.

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Monday, April 16, 2012

MOONING PHASES


For those who never saw Porky's or Bachelor Party (or weren't 15),Mooning is the act of displaying ones buttocks publicly. Originally,Flashing The Buttocks was the preferred term until the 1960s. Mooningthen had referred to romantically longing for a person. Never did discover when and why the definition changed. However I did find that there are 4 types of mooning positions that are approiately named for each lunar phase.
Full Moon – Open and free.
Half Moon – Pants are half way up. Usually occurs when mooning in a moving car.
Crescent Moon – While pulling up the pants (in a hurried fashion), the middle area gets stuck while the sides move up. Creates a crescent shape. Usually occurs when the person is suddenly caught by some type of authority figure.
Gibbous ­– Similar to a crescent moon except the sides and the middle are all at the same height.

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

SPORTS FANS! DON’T JUST ROOT, PUT A VOODOO CURSE ON THE OTHER TEAM.


As a fan all we can do is sit back watch, hope and pray. Or can we do more? Well if you have the The Sports Fan Voodoo Kit you know the answer to that question. For $6.73 (on Amazon) here’s what you get…
  • 64 page voodoo curse book (complete with spells for injuries and all kinds of mishaps.)
  • authentic voodoo stick pins
  • multi-sport themed voodoo doll (includes good and bad luck phrases to use.)

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Saturday, April 14, 2012

 
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