LAME BLOGGER GIVES MANY THANKS FOR 1000th POST.

by Jesse Cohen (NWM Staff Writer)

So I have reached a personal milestone in my blogging career. Yep, I have achieved my 1000th post. Woo hoo. I figured I’d borrow a page from The Daily Dose of Reality (thank you #1 of many), and list everyone that has in some way helped or inspired me through this personal journey of verbal vomit.

My wife – Definitely a patient and supportive woman.
Parents – Supplied the sperm, the egg and love.
Inlaws – Wife would kill me if I didn’t mention ‘em.
My accountant – Hope I get something back this year.
Sister – Avid reader (not of my blog)

My Blogger BFFs (MUST READS):
Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing
Enter the Man-Cave
The Non-Review
The Domestication of a Party Girl
Cheyelle Omar
I Think It's Interesting
Life by Chocolate: Robyn Alana Engel's Blog
Thick Heads

1st crop of blog connections:
Constructonomics
The Everythingist
The Ticking Tabloid
Ratcam.org

Contributors:
Eddie Winkle
Joshen McEwen
Tom McConville
Angry Retiree (Barry S.)
KC
Jani Ogglin
Greg Colfaz
Nameless Dad
Graphic-Guy
Biz-Boy
Blaze’s Make Up Show
The Dating Advice Show
Klub-Kidz
Nothing Bad Happens to Nick
Video Game Dudes
Beergasm
Joey C. (Meeting Notes guy)

New / Old Friends (some real talented bloggers in the bunch):
365 Daze to 40
Jzt 4 me
Hyenaham game
Taillored Agency (Ross J. Horton)
Laura Glover
Alan Thomas
The Teenage Years – Take 2
Chic & Pink
Frog Queen
Ink & Octane
R.T.K. Bowler
Dark Road Angels
Hissyfits & Halos
Come Together
Kitty Moore
Sited and Blogged
Dad’s Dish Retro Blog
The Sexy Armpit
Passports
Smile
Letters of Endearment
Live Write Dream
Cosmic Navel Lint
SimplyJoy23
Coltin1948
Spit and Glue
30 Days of Thrift Store Madness
Gold Dust And Lipgloss
Moms R The Best
The Robot’s Mustache
Room224
Maintenance of Way
Adam7T
Detectivator
Cue The Montage
Danskin
Getting Back To Me
Tyler K
Opad
Pictures of kitties

Awkward posts furnished by:
Discreet Novelty (adult fun)

My very first blog-hata (and motivator):
Drew @ Media Elites

And to anyone else I might've forgotten.

Well, that's pretty much it. So here’s to 1000 more, if you can stomach it.

Thanks again,
Not Worth Mentioning

A DOUCHEY DID YOU KNOW.

The very first vaginal douche was introduced (by Kiwisch) to the world in 1846.

CLASSIC CHUCK HESTON CHEST HAIR MOMENTS.

In his heyday Charlton Heston was one cool cat. Yes, later he became a gun-toting, NRA lobbyist. But still, you can’t overlook the talent this man had, as well as the chest hair. Truth be told, I was always slightly envious of how well dispersed his hairs were compared to mine. To me, nothing says macho Jew more than a חַי gold chain resting on a thick nest of glorious chest hairs. Neither of which I could pull off.

Here are my 3 personal picks for best Chuck chest hair moments.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS (1956) / Role: Moses

BEN-HUR (1959) / Role: Judah Ben-Hur

PLANET OF THE APES (1968) / George Taylor

Check out Charlton’s chest hair in action…

MOST COMMON TYPES OF FREUDIAN SLIPS.

Leave it to “mommy 'n penis obsessed” Sigmund to come up with this doozy. Wiki defines a Freudian Slip as a mistake in speech or action in which a person supposedly shows his or her true subconscious desires. Freud had first mentioned this erotic error in speech in his 1901 book The Psychopathology of Everyday Life.

Cited in his book as well as the New England Journal of Medicine are different categories in which these Freudian Slips may occur. The most popular ones are as follows…

DURING LOVE MAKING.
Slip-up: Oh, oh, oh, MARGARET I love you so.
Reality: You are making sex with a woman named Joy Kaufman.

WHEN CONVERSING WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX.
Slip-up: I really think the BREAST (best) cause of action for our client is to…
Reality: You are speaking with a woman who as a rather large chest.

WHEN LYING TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Slip-up: Last night? You know I was at work BEERheading (spear) the new pitch.
Reality: You cut out early to have a couple of brews with your co-workers.

WHEN LYING TO A FRIEND.
Slip-up: Wow you’re a real HOOKER (looker) in that top.
Reality: You think Cathy's outfit makes her look like a complete whore.

LIVE TV FREUDIAN SLIPS…

BUFFY DEAL OF NERDGASMIC PROPORTIONS.

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

The Orb of Thesulah. Thesulah? No idea? Well I can tell you it’s a big deal in the Buffy universe. SPOILER ALERT (for those slowly going through the BTVS series on your netflix queue). This mysterious glass sphere is the only known magic in the universe that can restore Angelus’s soul after it is lost from a “moment of true happiness / shagging Buffy” thingy. The spell to activate the orb was found by the late wiccan/gypsy Jenny Calendar (one of the many Angelus casualties of season 2).

Right now you can own this high quality prop replica used in series for only $92.79 @ Amazon. The orb itself is made from translucent polyresin, complete with mystical swirls inside, and it comes packaged in a replica wooden box, with velvet lining.

ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE, YOU COULD BE DATING EVIL KIRK.

As I said in the past (or maybe not) I am a JDate alumni. Never did write ‘em with the marriage story, so I didn’t get their tin Kiddush cup gift – or is that just an urban legend?

Back in the early 00s there were only 3 big online dating entities (I think) – JDate, Match and Yahoopersonals. Not sure when Lavaife came on the scene. Anyhow, I simply joined all 3 and played the numbers. Then ended up with a wife. That’s the story for the grandkids and I’m sticking to it.

Today (if you take a surf on the google wave) you’ll find a dating site for just about any type of urge, fantasy or punishment. Some of the weirder PG-13-ish ones I've seen are for gamers, vampires and yes, Trekkies!

Actually found the last one (TREK PASSIONS) today. It pretty much works like the other dating sites. Throw up the two Ps (pic ‘n profile) and wait. The difference is these people are in fact seeking out a close encounters of the scifi kind. Not just for trekkies either. This site is tolerant of all types of fandoms. Here's a rundown of all the groups (with the member numbers):

Seeking my Imzadi (492), Hitch Hiker's Guide (710), In Pon farr (360), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1034), Alien (1494) Andromeda (804), Anime (915), Asimov (707), Babylon 5 (1163), Battlestar Galactica (1836), Bova (138), Browncoat (400), Clarke (354), Close Encounters (809), Comic Books (1110), Cosplay (231), Cyberpunk (445), Deep Space 9 (1972), Douglas Adams (883), Dr. Who (1484), E.T. (730), Enterprise (1961), Farscape (1288), Firefly (1515), Forbidden, Planet (722), George Lucas (1357), Graphic Novels (787), Heinlein (610), Hitch Hiker's Guide (710), Invasion of the Body Snatchers (524), JRR Tolkien (1349), Klingon Culture (414), LOTR (1531), Machinima (99), Michael Crichton (591), NASA (1168), Next Generation (2366), Piers Anthony (312), Plan 9 from Outer Space (366), Planet of the Apes (927), Red Dwarf (759), Roleplaying Games (1055), Sci-Fi Channel (2308), SETI (682), Slash (134), Speak Klingon (268), Star Trek (3346), Star Wars (2708), Stargate SG1 (1907), Steven Spielberg (1165), The Matrix (1794), The Thing (644), Trekker (1421), Trekkie (1740), Voyager (1904), War of the Worlds (1099), X-Files (1708)

I’m a Level 4 Nerd (with 12 hit points) and I swear I know only 62.4% of these inter-stellar references. FYI...The good news is Trek Passions is totally free to join. The bad news Is the site is totally free to join. I’m just saying payment is a way of deterring some of the undesirables that might refuse to set their phasers to stun. You know what I mean? 'Cause I sure don't.

Check out the Trek Passions commercial...

NOT ALL THERE: AGE 9

GUESS THE FOOT FUNGUS.

I cause skin to crack, flake and peel between the toes. If not treated the affected area will become red and itchy. In more severe cases I can cause puss-oozing blisters that will appear all over the heels.

What am I?

Answer: Tinea pedis (aka Athlete’s Foot)

Treatment: The infection can easily be controlled with over the counter antifungal creams, powders or sprays like Tinactin®.

THE DATING ADVICE SHOW: GET OUT OF THAT FRIEND ZONE

Have you ever felt you were stuck in that "friend zone"? Have you ever noticed you fell into the "friend zone" without you knowing it? Then let our ladies share their tips with how to get out of the "friend zone" and also some steps you can take from getting you into the "zone" in the first place. Click here for other episodes.

DRUNK, SMOKING CHIMP GOES TO REHAB.

by Barry S. (NWM Staff Writer)

As reported in the N Y Daily News, a Russian chimp (Zhora) has been sent to rehab. Sadly the Moscow Zoo visitors are to blame. They snuck the 26 yr. old primate booze and cigarettes in spite of warnings not to. The zoo keepers even kept Zhora behind 3 rows of fences, but still the laughing visitors continued to throw liquor and smokes to the chimp. Eventually Zhora became hooked on the two vices. And soon after his addiction and aggressive behavior became too hard to handle, so Zhora was off to a rehab. No word on if the treatment is working.

3 REDEEMING THINGS ABOUT CHARLES IN CHARGE.

1- Doesn’t get much better than a goofy Willie Aames.

2- Ben Stein had a reoccurring role (Stanley Willard).

3- Featured Baywatch beauties Nicole Eggert & Erika Eleniak.

GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE AND READ THIS COMIC BOOK.

by Graphic-Guy (NWM Staff Writer)

SCALPED. If I had to give you the movie studio pitch I’d say it’s – THUNDERHEART with a bit of DONNIE BRASCO and GODFATHER thrown in. If the first film escapes your memory, that’s the one where Val Kilmer plays an FBI guy (of Sioux decent) sent to an Indian reservation to solve a murder. Movie was meh.

The main character Dashiell Bad Horse is also a Native American as well as a FBI guy. After a 15 year absense, the 28 yr. old has returned to the reservation. Though unlike Hollywood’s vanilla-ish, stereotypical, feather headressed imagery of indian-life, this is a much darker rez. A grimy, seedy place filled with drugs, crime and poverty.

Dash goes undercover (the Donnie Brasco part), working as a small town cop. He also starts moonlighting for crooked casino owner Chief Lincoln Red Crow (Godfather). D's mission is to nail Red Crow’s organization for the crimes they get away with (since they practically have the town in their back pocket).

Jason Aaron (writer) and R.M. Guera (artist) are responsible for weaving all of these masterful, gritty, horrific stories. What’s so compelling about this series is not just the riveting, edge of your seat stuff. It’s also that Aaron writes every character with a sort of Macbeth-ian quality. There are no simple white and black hats to be worn in this town. It’s all one big canvas of grey. Everyone is capable of evil and redemption.

Unlike a movie or even a book, Scalped is an ongoing series. Which means Aaron and Guera are able to really delve deep into the characters’ lives. Like Dash’s dealings with his Activist mother (Gina Bad Horse) who also has a shady past with Red Crow. And to add another layer of complexity to the mix, Dash's illicit love affair with Red Crow’s rebellious daughter Carol. As far as the art goes, Guera does an incredible job of capturing the Native American look, but not making ‘em look like expected charactures. He also has this subtle intensity that (excuse the pun) truly draws you in to each scene. Also to note is colorist Giulia Brusco, who uses a rich pallet of colors that are able to transform something as simple as a sunrise into this breathtakingly, ominous presence.

The first trade of Scalped (Indian Country) collects the first 5 issues and is available at Amazon for ONLY $9.99.

No excuses not to give it a read.

D*CK MOVE MR. SNUFFLEUPAGUS.

Apparently in the early seasons of Sesame Street, Mr. Snuffleupagus was only seen by Big Bird. Gordon, Susan, Mr. Hooper, Grover, not even grouchy Oscar caught a glimpse of this giant, cocoa wooly mammoth. The problem was that Mr. S would get in all kinds of trouble like eating someone else's cookie or breaking the letter J. Then he’d sneak off leaving Big Bird to take the blame. This went on ‘til episode 2096 (aired November 18^th, 1985). The plot had Big Bird tricking Snuffy into revealing himself to the entire neighborhood. Big Bird was finally vindicated.

Incidentally, that episode was brought to you by the letter L.

BITCHIN’ BAR MITZVAH CAKE OF THE DAY.

Courtesy of the cake creatives at A Sweet Design bakery (in Ganada Hills, CA). FYI…they have over 17 cream and jam fillings including: Bavarian chocolate chip, Lemon Mousse and Champagne cream.

HOTTEST LADIES OF LIFETIME MOVIES.

by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)

Technically, some of ‘em on this list were in fact “movie of the week” girls. But, I’m sure the rights to those gems were probably bought by Lifetime at some point. The only qualification (other than the physical beauty thing) is they had to be in more than 3 movies. Oh, and bonus points if any of their movies deal with a cheating husband or a holiday miracle baby.

MEREDITH BAXTER
Most famous role: Elyse Keaton on Family Ties
Top Lifetime movies: A Mother’s Fight for Justice, A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story, and Miracle on the 17^th Green

MELISSA GILBERT
Most famous role: Laura Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie
Top Lifetime movies: Heart of the Storm, Switched at Birth, and A Holiday for Love

ALYSSA MILANO
Most famous role: Toss up between Phoebe on Charmed and Samantha on Who’s the Boss?
Top Lifetime movies: Wisegal, To Brave Alaska, and Casualties of Love: The Long Island Lolita Story

LINDSAY WAGNER
Most famous role: Jamie on The Bionic Woman
Top Lifetime movies: The Taking of Flight 847: The Uli Derickson Story, Stranger in My Bed, and A Message from Holly

NICOLE EGGERT
Most famous role: A toss up between Summer on Baywatch and Jamie on Charles in Charge.
Top Lifetime movies: Murder Seen, Secrets, and Wall of Secrets

MEETING NOTES VOL. 2: BOGO +1

by Joe C. (NWM Staff Artist)

What an interesting trip it has been this week: awkward photo shoots, last minute projects, lots of rain, and plenty of meetings.

For this week’s edition, we have “The Mouse Gets Even” (featured above) which was inspired by a family trip to Disney World. “Don, the Caveman” ...well I don’t know where he came from, but this scribble was turned into a snowboard design for a contest. FYI…it received an honorable mention (fancy way of saying “lost”). Finally, “The Reaper” who was born (towards the end of last week) in a meeting where we learned we’ll be having many late nights and weekend work ahead of us...fun.

GRANDPA SHAGGING GRANDMA’S LOVE CHILD.

Have an addendum to the mnemonic post I wrote a couple of weeks ago. But first, here's a bit of a recap for those in the audience new to my blog, or have a dismal, "where did I put the TV remote?" memory like me. A mnemonic is a statement used to help you recall something. The way it works is that the first letter of each word is the first letter of the actual word you are trying to recall. If that’s still all blah, blah, blah to you, here’s an example.

Mnemonic: King Philip Couldn't Order Five Good Sandwiches

Words to recall: Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species

My addendum to my old post is this…BLAME IT ON THE STUPID MED STUDENTS. Probably needs a bit more explanation. What I mean is, it’s all the 1st yr. kids (without photographic memories) that come up with these nasty limerick-inspired mnemonics. They use ‘em to help pass their anatomy and physiology courses. Here are some of the more popular ones [uncensored]

Mnemonic: Scared Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle.
Words to recall (wrist bones): Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetrum, Pisiform, Trapezium, 
Trapezoid, Capitate, Hamate

Mnemonic: Ten Zebras Beat My Cock
Words to recall (facial nerves): Temporal, Zygomatic, Buccal, Mandibular, Cervical

Mnemonic: Grandpa Shagging Grandma's Love Child.
Words to recall (layers of the epidermis): Germinativum or Basale, Spinosum, Granulosum, Lucidum, Corneum

Mnemonic: Lazy French Tarts Lie Naked in Anticipation
Words to recall (nerves that pass through superior orbital fissure): Lacrimal, Frontal, Trochlear, Lateral, Nosociliary, Internal, 
Abducens