CATCH UP ON YOUR BACKWARDS SATANIC MUSIC LISTENING.

Artist: Deep Purple

Album: Stormbringer (1974)

Backwards Phrase: "The c*cksucker, motherf*cker, stormbringer!" 

THE PIMPIEST SHOE IN ALL OF THE LAND.

All you mac daddies better get ready to crack that piggy bank a new one. Fiercecostumes finally has the new Zebra Platform Goldfish Shoes in stock. Each one designed with a 3 1/2 inch block hollow heal, filled with clear liquid and a realistic goldfish. All wrapped in zebra patterned material that cleans up nice with just one wipe of a damp cloth. Matches any walking cane style. Only $74.99. Click here to order.

Shoe design inspired by classic I'm Gonna Git You Sucka scene.

ON THE SET OF AVENGERS 2

Sorry my finger got in the way, but other than that it's a decent pic. 

WHERE CAN I FIND POPE SOAP ON A ROPE?

Pope soap on a rope ($9.95 @ Soap on a Rope)

1 MOVIE YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO SEE SO I’LL JUST SPOIL THE ENDINGS FOR YOU.

JOE DIRT

Joe finally tracks down his parents only to discover they are nasty people that left him at the Grand Canyon on purpose. Joe then gets a haircut, turns his fireworks biz (Kickin Wings) into a success, marries Brandy and has kids.

BEST HANGOVER CURE

Macadamia Nuts with SPAM®! Delish! 4 Handfuls should do the trick.

A DOUCHEY DID YOU KNOW

According to Askmen.com, Rush Limbaugh has a real hard-on forscented candles. Rush likes ‘em so much he has (on occasion) ordered his staff to light up a bunch of 'em before he arrives home.

JEWS FOR JESUS BUMPER STICKER OF THE DAY

West Coast represent!!!

UNEMPLOYED PET ASSASSIN (PART 2.)

I’M VERY FLATTERED, BUT VERY MARRIED JENNIFER ANISTON

Seems to me (from the amount of emails I got) the Marley & Me star wants to be more than Friends. It’s nice to know I still got it.

Exhibit A.

UNEMPLOYED PET ASSASSIN (PART 1.)

BITCHIN' "EMPLOYEES WASH YOUR HANDS" POSTER

Found it at Angelica's Kitchen – a vegan place in NYC. Can't give you the cross street since I wasn't so sober. 

FROZEN HAN SOLO MAKES THE COOLEST DESK EVER

Attention FU money/movie fanatic peeps looking to furnish an office or decorate an empty area in your mansion – go to Tom Spina Designs. A New York based studio of artists that create custom-made movie magicfor the masses. They do it all: character sculptures, movie prop replicas and yes, Han Solo frozen desks. All crafted to look exactly like the realmovie thing. TSD can even restore any original props you might own to their former glory. Just check out some of their handywork (and prices) below. 

SKULL THRONE ($899)

WHO SAID IT: FREUD OR SKID ROW?

"We've had our share of hard times, but that's the price we paid."
Click here for the answer. 

SMURF SOME EXTRA CASH.

Belgian cartoonist Peyo created the Smurfs in 1958. Two decades later this original blue group of characters became one of the hottest toyprosperities in the US. Two decades after that, these tiny toys are pretty much gathering dust in closets across the country. Though now might be time to clean ‘em off. Some of these creatures could actually Smurfyou some cash. How can you tell? Most of the data Smurf appraisers need is right underneath the foot in the form of strange markings. Here’s what they actually mean…

Year Stamp: Tells you when the actual Smurf mold was created.

Single Digit: If you get a single digit number (specifically 1-8 ), that’s good. It means your mold was one of the earlier ones.

Peyo Stamp: Every Smurf has got one of these creator stamps. Sorta like how the Cabbage Patch Kids were all signed by their real father – Xavier Roberts.

Manufacturer Stamp: Smurfs didn’t have one divine creator. They were split up between 3 manufacturers – Wallace Berrie & Co., Schleich, and Bully.

Country Stamp: Where the Smurf was produced in the world.

Muster Stamp: This is the one to look out for. Any Smurf with an M stamp means they are master prototypes. The highest quality Smurfsthat were painted with perfection. As a result, this little toy could Smurfyou anywhere from $100 to $300 bucks.

WHO WANTS TO SEE AN HONEST-TO-GOD BLOGGER PREPARE RECTAL MEDICINE FOR HIS GUINEA PIG?

Don't you wish your boyfriend was hot like 41 yr. old me?

NUDE ANIMAL THEATER

FOR THE BITCH IN YOUR LIFE

Sure you say you love your dog all the time. But when was the last time you REALLY proved it. Treats don’t count, since there’s usually a mandatory trick attached to it. If you have an extra 3 mil plus to spare you might want to check out ilovedogsdiamonds.com. The site where you can work with top jewelry professionals to create a one-of-a-kind collar for your precious pooch. Here’s just a sample of some of their more highly praised pieces.

AMOUR AMOUR

Over 1,600 handset 52 carat diamonds

7 carat D-IF centerpiece diamond

Crocodile leather, platinum & 18K white-gold collar

Price: 3.2 million

SURE THEY PUT A MAN OF THE MOON, BUT HAVE THEY EVER HOSTED A GOLDEN GIRL'S & DESIGNING WOMEN TRIVIA NIGHT AT A BAR?

That would be a resounding yes, at the Bell House in Brooklyn.

GUESS THE SKIN RASH

I usually appear as a singular, pinkish-red bump. You can find me hanging out almost anywhere on the body. I am caused by an infection of hair follicles. I am usually filled with a yellowish, oozy pus. What am I?
CLICK HERE FOR ANSWER

CANADIAN PHRASE OF THE DAY: F*CK THE DOG

F*ck the dog

Definition:

A slang term that refers to the act of doing nothing. In the workplace it means pretending to be busy when in actuality you are doing nothing productive.

That Bill, he did nothing, but f*ck the dog all day!

ASSLESS CHAPS OF THE DAY

Power Trip Power Glide Chaps ($152.99 @ Revzilla)

1.2mm drum dyed leather

Satin finished lining

Metal main zipper

Two zippered pockets

Adjustable waistband

Rough cut hem

2009 KMART CIRCULAR REWIND

OOPS, 1 MORE THING I’M 72.8% SURE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT FOOT FETISH MODELS

#1 – The average cost for a guy to suck on the feet of a foot goddess is 60 bucks.

MISSED IT BY A MONTH AND CHANGE! DARN!

HOW TO PROPERLY FINGER PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY JARS.

I can say with 99% conviction that this handy tip would probably be geared more towards men rather than women. I just get that feeling. Call it a dude’s intuition. And guys, don’t believe for one second that there isn’t an art to this. I’ve fingered the wrong way and have ruined many, many treasured house shirts. But first (before we talk technique), you really have to know…THE PROPER TIME TO FINGER PEANUTBUTTER AND JELLY JARS.

To me, there are only 3 appropriate (at home) situations:

• During a cram session for a big test or while working on a presentation.
• After a night of binge drinking.
• Quick "late night" snack on the way to the bathroom.

SO HOW DO I FINGER THE JARS?

Follow these steps correctly and you should have a nice big glob ofPB&J to shove in your mouth.

Step 1. Place both opened jars near each other on a flat surface (countertop, coffee table, etc.)

Step 2. Extend both your pointer and middle fingers (do not attempt w/1 finger).

Step 3. Shove both fingers into the peanut butter first. (PB adheres better to the skin, jelly tends to slip).

Step 4. Once fingers are in the jar, sweep them in a counter clockwise motion (for control reasons, make sure glob isn’t too big).

Step 5. Now dip fingers (coated with PB) into the jelly.

Step 6. Since jelly has a difference consistency you must now do a scooping motion with your fingers.

Step 7. Remove fingers from jar and immediately shove into mouth.

Step 8. Enjoy & repeat.

PLEASE NOTE: This same technique can be used with Cheez Whizand Mayo.