FOR ARGUMENT SAKE LET’S SAY YOU WANNA TRANQ SANTA

Sure you could ask Santa to bring your kid a Furby….

…Or a LEGO missile launcher, 

...but honestly, wouldn't your kid rather have old Saint Nick himself? Think about all the benefits of keeping a real live Santa –

• He can create any toy you want
• He’s first cousins to Jesus (ask him lots of tough questions)
• Find out if Jersey Shore cast members are naughty or nice
• Play with his magic sack

HOW DO YOU TRAP A SANTA?

Lacing cookies and milk won’t cut it. The jolly fat man probably has centuries of practice sniffing that trick out. I’m thinking a high-powered tranquilizer gun is the only way to go. It'll take down Santa (or a rhino) before he can escape through the chimney. Here are my T-GUN choices.  

X-2 Gauged CO2 Pistol

Rotating rear barrel port for quick loading

Riffled 14 inch fluted stainless steel barrel

Virtually silent dart propulsion

Does NOT require federal firearm license

Conditional Life-time warranty

Lightweight at 3.04 lbs.

Only $1,150.00 (@ Pneu-Dart)

X-Caliber Gauged CO2 Rifle

Quiet (Virtually Silent)

Incredible Dart range and accuracy

Most Affordable on a per shot basis

Spring loaded rotating butt plate for quick loading.

Lightweight at 8.69 lbs.

Only $1,900.00 (@ Pneu-Dart)

#1 DART CHOICE 1.0 CC Type 'C' Dart 

($10.75 a 5 Pack)

Made of fortified plastic

Explodes on impact

MY TOP 6 TRANQ (SANTA SEDATIVE) DRUGS OF CHOICE:

- Combelen

- Dormicum

- Fentanly

- Immobilion

- Haloperidol

- Xylazine

PLEASE NOTE: All drugs are fast acting (within 10 seconds of injection), with little or no side effects (nausea, dizziness, death, etc.)