1,000 THANKS

Just wanted to thank all of my blog friends and those who simply tolerate my creepy existence in the blogosphere. Bloggerdise.com officially has 1,000 plus members.

“UGH, DO WE HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR WEBSITE AGAIN?”

Well, it is a great way for blogs and businesses to link up totally for FREE. And now we have so many new exciting features like blah, blah, blah, blah, premium packages, blah, blah, payment plans, blah, blah, blah….OK, I can tell you’re already tuning me out. So I’ll just say thanks again!!

Seriously, it means a lot to have your support.

Click here to check out Bloggerdise or not. 

GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME: Royal Wedding edition

Rules are simple. In the search area type in part of a statement or question. Then simply let Google finish it off. I figured I’d find some fertile ground when searching the royals, and Google did not disappoint. 

HELP! MY WIFE IS GOING TO WATCH THE ROYAL WEDDING AT 4AM. WHAT CAN I WATCH INSTEAD?

Sadly at 4am (on the east coast) ya ain’t got much of a TV viewing selection other than this Royal Romance Romp down the aisle. Though I didn’t say you had NO options. Here are 2 gems not to be missed (in my mind):

Channel: WGNAME

Show: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION [1990]

Episode: Deja Q

Synopsis:

Q, once all-powerful mischief-maker of the universe, is condemned to life as a mortal and seeks sanctuary aboard the Enterprise. Q(2): Corbin Bernsen. Guinan: Whoopi Goldberg. Dr. Garin: Richard Cansino. Geordi: LeVar Burton.

Channel: SYFY

TV Movie: CROC [2007]

Synopsis:

A crocodile hunter (Michael Madsen) tracks a reptile menace at a beach resort. Peter Tuinstra and Sherry Phungprasert also star in this campy thriller, with bite.

USED UNDERWEAR DEAL OF THE DAY

No one else but Craigslist (ok, maybe ebay) could bring you such an amazing deal. Apparently some dude from the D.C. area is cleaning out his closet to make room for his summer clothes. As a result, Joe Boxer is selling off his thongs, jockstraps, boxer-briefs, briefs for $40 a pop. Here’s what 2 Jackson’s will get ya…

- Used article of clothing worn by an athletic guy

- A promise that he will leave any fluid or feces you request (for no extra charge)

- He accepts paypal

- Correction, the ad says he’s a SEXY, good-looking, athletic guy.

Sorry, this is the only picture the beefcake enclosed.

Click here to get ‘em while they’re hot or however you like it.

LAME HIEROGLYPHICS OF THE DAY (part 5? I think)

Can you guess the uber-lame phrase from this collection of photo-symbols?

Hint: Guys like to do this. Oh, and if the pictures are together that means it is one word.

Still don’t know what the $#%^%$ symbols are telling you? Click on the comments to reveal the mystery statement. 

THE FUTURE OF DIRTY JOKE TELLING ON BLOGS STARTS TODAY (you’re welcome)

Hey, we all get forwarded dirty jokes that we want to post on our blogs. The problem is – it’s a dirty %$#% joke! You don’t want to piss off any of your viewers that might be tuning into your blog for more G-rated content. Thankfully I have discovered a unique way to accomplish  this goal in 3 simple steps.

Step 1. Find your joke on the net.

Step 2. Go to qrcode.kaywa.com/

Step 3. Enter the URL (web address) of your dirty joke in the QR Code Generator

Step 4. Post QR photo on site.

Step 5. Instruct viewers (with Smart phones) to simply use their QR code reading app to view the symbol (pictured below). The symbol will forward you right to the dirty joke site.

So what did I say? 3 steps? Ok, so it’s 5. It’s still pretty easy for a revolutionary way to deal smut on your site or a unique way to run a giveaway contest.

For all you low-techies that had no clue what I was going on about, click here for the joke.

HOT OR NOT OR JAILED?

FYI….It’s freaky weird being a Jew in NYC on Easter morning. IT’S LIKE DAY OF THE LIVING JEW OUTSIDE. 

So I’ll probably just stay in and order Chinese food and surf the net. Actually, one gem I already found was 

[Click here to visit]

It’s the perfect site if you ever need a nice injection of “At least my life ain’t as bad as that guy”.

Essentially you scroll through mug shots of folks arrested from Phoenix and Maricopa County. And if you click on any photo the site features the reason for their arrest. Happy Easter!

GROW YOUR OWN FARM FRESH SPAM!

SPAM! We get tons in our inboxes. We have filters devoted to stopping it. But what if you want to create your own SPAM? You know, to goof on your friends with. Send to a grieving loved one to brighten their day. You could create your own SPAM, but you’d never get it quite right. Thankfully there’s the SPAM-O-MATIC generator!

Just go to the site.

Fill in the blanks.

Press [create], and send off to 4 million of your closest friends.

GOOD FRIDAY? TRY GOOD ASS WHOOPIN’!

[Adult Swim.com] presents Bible Fight. Think Mortal Combat meets the Old and New Testaments. Cast of fighters include: Moses, Mary, Noah, Eve, Satan and of course, Jesus. Each game is a one on one 3 round battle. You win, you move on to fight another character. Along with the usual ass-whooping abilities (kicks, punches, knee to the groin, etc.), characters also have secret weapons. These powers relate to their biblical backstory, like Eve and her snake issues. Onward Christian soldiers to Adultswim.com.

Tip: Like Mortal Combat, the least likely candidates usually have the best powers, and are the most agile. Go with Eve or Mary (see below). Sorry J-man.

A LOT STILL GOING ON AT SHEEP MAGAZINE!

PLEASE tell me you picked up the march/april issue.

 Well if you didn’t, luckily you can read select articles on the site. Some of the gems include…

Something about breeding

Something about record keeping

FYI…Sheep Magazine  subscriptions are now super cheap. 

So you have no excuse not to get one for that special Sheep Lover in your life.

DONE WITH PASSOVER AND NOW READY FOR EASTER MONDAY

I'm all Passovered out right down to the very last shriveled up matzo ball (mom likes to roast 'em).  Now it’s back to reality and waiting anxiously for Easter Monday. 

Never heard of it? Why that’s the day where all the good girl and boy Jews of the world anxiously await the Holy Laboriosus (latin for coworker) to reward them with sweets from their Easter Sunday festivities. 

Sadly (due to a depressed economy and a more health conscious America) pickings have been kinda slim the last handful of years. Though I still remain hopeful – Gladis from accounting is expecting 40 people over her house this year. That means I got a decent shot at snatching up an Easter Basket of some forgetful, ADD kid. I shall pray this week for a Easter Monday Miracle Basket that has one (or both) of these sweet new additions.

GIANT BLEEDING HEART GUMMY CANDY

Loaded with gushing candy blood. Available in wild and sour cherry. Extra blood is included too. Only $6.99 at ThinkGeek.

CHOCOLATE ZOMBIE BUNNY

Not much to say except that it’s a brain sucking undead bunny made of white chocolate. Only $14.99 at ThinkGeek.

PART 2 OF THIS MATZO FILM FEST IS JUST AS CRAPPY, BUT WHAT THE HELL.

Hey, if you saw part 1., you kinda have to finish the series. That’s how I am with all the Madea movies. 

The first movie you might not get if you haven’t been to a deli or have seen When Harry Met Sally.

Second movie is pretty self-explanatory (if you existed in the 90s).

MOVIE #1

MOVIE #2

FYI…the Seder was good, thanks for asking. My mom's chopped liver was primo! 

THE 2011 1ST ANNUAL LAME MATZO FILM FEST (Part 1.)

In celebration of Passover I present to you 2 of 4 lame films I made during my youtube video-making phase back in 2006. All 4 movies feature a character of my own creation – Matzo Merve. Sadly he never achieved the “Family Guy” status that I hoped for. Oh and yes, that’s my voice. Enjoy these first two Kosher for Passover gems?

Entry #1: Seinfeld /Matzo Interview

Entry #2: Howard Stern Interview w/ Matzo

HEY COPYBOY! TELL ME ABOUT YOUR “LATE NIGHT, SHOVE STUFF IN YOUR MOUTH” DIET™

Glad you asked. It’s no secret that I’ve lost 17 lbs. I’m 10 pounds away from achieving my goal of walking around shirtless all summer (like Lucky from the 1994 Diet Coke Commercial.)

The hardest part has been keeping it off. Especially when it’s late night after the wife goes to bed. I used to snack on any type of fattening food while watching Smallville repeats. 

Now I know better. I do my “LATE NIGHT, SHOVE STUFF IN YOUR MOUTH” DIET

I have a sensible breakfast, lunch, & dinner. 

Then after 11:30pm...

I watch Xena and eat Hershey’s Special Dark Pieces.

The naughty outfits that Xena and Gabrielle wear up my pulse rate [counts as cardio]

AND I shove handfuls of Hershey’s Special Dark Pieces in my mouth.

50 pieces are only 180 calories.

That’s it. You can thank me once bikini season arrives!