MISSED IT BY A MONTH AND CHANGE! DARN!

HOW TO PROPERLY FINGER PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY JARS.

I can say with 99% conviction that this handy tip would probably be geared more towards men rather than women. I just get that feeling. Call it a dude’s intuition. And guys, don’t believe for one second that there isn’t an art to this. I’ve fingered the wrong way and have ruined many, many treasured house shirts. But first (before we talk technique), you really have to know…THE PROPER TIME TO FINGER PEANUTBUTTER AND JELLY JARS.

To me, there are only 3 appropriate (at home) situations:

• During a cram session for a big test or while working on a presentation.
• After a night of binge drinking.
• Quick "late night" snack on the way to the bathroom.

SO HOW DO I FINGER THE JARS?

Follow these steps correctly and you should have a nice big glob ofPB&J to shove in your mouth.

Step 1. Place both opened jars near each other on a flat surface (countertop, coffee table, etc.)

Step 2. Extend both your pointer and middle fingers (do not attempt w/1 finger).

Step 3. Shove both fingers into the peanut butter first. (PB adheres better to the skin, jelly tends to slip).

Step 4. Once fingers are in the jar, sweep them in a counter clockwise motion (for control reasons, make sure glob isn’t too big).

Step 5. Now dip fingers (coated with PB) into the jelly.

Step 6. Since jelly has a difference consistency you must now do a scooping motion with your fingers.

Step 7. Remove fingers from jar and immediately shove into mouth.

Step 8. Enjoy & repeat.

PLEASE NOTE: This same technique can be used with Cheez Whizand Mayo.

OOPS, 1 MORE THING I’M 72.8% SURE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT HAIRLESS CATS.

1- The breed needs to be bathed more often because their skin gets greasy from the secretion of body oils. Regular cats use their fur to absorb this type of oil.

ARISTOTLE vs. SPENCER

He who is to be a good ruler must have first been ruled.

- Aristotle

My hustle is just too crazy. I’m trying to take over the world!

- Spencer

WICKED ASS LUCHA LIBRE MASK

Lucha Libre means free style wrestling in Spanish. A popular form of entertainment found in Mexico. From 3.5 minutes of Googling I found the main difference from the WWE is that a Lucha Libre wears a silly mask. This one is made of 100% lycra and can be yours for only $34.99 @ Amazon.

CAN'T MISS, HOT SUMMER TV!

WHAT'S ON THE DINGY NYC TRAIN TRACK? (an ongoing series)

I’m thinking it’s either a Pez dispenser or one of those Asthma inhalers. Thoughts?