AND ON THE LAST DAY GOD PLAYED PRANKS ON ARCHANGEL coworkers WITH NOVELTY ITEMS THAT START WITH THE LETTER “N”.

Here are the top 3 pranks God liked the best. FYI...All of these quality Novelty toys are available at Baronbob.com

The classic “replace the archangel’s lunch with a dirty Noodle packet” prank! [only $2.95 @ Barron Bob]

The classic “replace the archangel’s Nails (from his toolbox) with toothpick nails” prank! [only $8.95 @ Barron Bob]

The classic “give the archangel  an inappropriate Nutcracker” prank! [only $19.95 @ Barron Bob]

To see how others did in this A to Z challenge check out Alex C’s blog.

AND ON THE 650th DAY GOD SAID,”LET THERE BE LIGHT from an empty bottle that hath held liquid most men puke from.”

DARN!!!  I wanted to go the whole week with perfect GOD SPEAK. Sadly this blog post headline ended in THOR SPEAK. 

Can’t win ‘em all. Though I gotta think the person who owns the lamp below ain’t doing too shabby in the “win” column. 

This is an honest-to-God Jägermeister bottle converted into a working lamp. Etsy artist Lightheaded will part with it for 30 bucks. My second favorite is his Tequila one. 

FYI…the pic is blurry for obvious reasons. 

ON THE 432nd DAY GOD CREATED EDIBLE WHITE PEOPLE WITH GOOD LOOKING HAIR

What tween wouldn’t want this ferocious feast for all the senses? The Twilight gang atop your very own birthday cake. So jealous they didn’t have this when I was growing up. 

All I had was Cookie Puss from Carvel. 

Not that I’m complaining, I mean have you seen a more delicious creature? I mean other than Cookie O' Puss.

I think not. 

But hey, this isn’t about the Cookie Pusses. This post is to help you get your very own set of edible white people for your cake. Just head over to Custom Treasures. They have all types of cake toppers like Shrek, Harry Potter, Curious George, and of course everyone’s fave Twilight couple. Each topper is made with edible food coloring inks and are Kosher certified. Plus they come in two cake sizes! And now you can get edible white people today for only $14.95! Totally mint!!

ON THE 248nd DAY GOD FINALLY GAVE IN AND ALLOWED FOR THE LICENSING AND PRODUCTION OF THE OFFICIAL JESUS SANDALS BY THIRD PARTY DESIGNERS.

Bewild.com gets my vote too for offering the best looking Jesus Sandals. 

Each 100% genuine leather pair is perfect for romping ‘round town, hanging about the house, or taking a nice walk ON the water. Unisex Water Buffalo Hippie Jesus Sandals also feature braided leather accents and are available in all sizes for men and women. Grab these holy have-to-haves today for only $14.99.

BONUS "Walk on Water" video:

ON THE 102nd DAY GOD GAVE MAN A BUCKET TO CRAP IN, AND IT WAS GOOD.

I mean, how could it not be good? With the Luggable Loo, you can crap practically anywhere at anytime. Yep, 18 bucks (@ Rei.com) is all it takes to bring peace of mind and convenience to any campsite or psycho, college frat pledge hazing trip gone wrong (no comment).

Here are the Luggable Loo specs:

• Features a sturdy plastic bucket fitted with a snap-on toilet seat and hinged lid
• Strong bail-handle, with contoured handle for easy transportation
• It’s Imported.

Luggable Loo in action (sort of):

AND ON THE 72nd DAY GOD SAID, “LET THERE BE A SWEET PORK RIND SNACK.”

Yep, it’s true, Pork Puffies do exist in our universe.  And guess what, they’re microwavable. How much do these bites of heaven cost? $23.50 on Amazon.

Check the benefits of eating Pork Puffies!

And yes, directions are included…

Put the pork rind pellets onto a microwave approved paper plate. Spread the pellets so they won't stack up on top of each other. Consider your first batch to be a test batch. This is because microwave ovens cook at different rates. Start with a time of a minute and a half. If some of the pellets don't puff up all the way, or if a few burn, adjust the time up or down by ten or fifteen seconds. They don't make any noise as they puff up. At this point you can add seasoning to the pork rinds. When they finish cooking they will be snapping, crackling and popping. This will continue for a few seconds. If you pop up more than you can eat, keep them in a zip lock bag for later.

1 OF 18 REASONS WHY MATZO SUCKS (an ongoing series)

I blink my eyes and Passover once again is about to creep up on me and throw that proverbial plastic bag over my face. Then the holiday will hold the bag tight ‘til my struggling body goes limp.

Actually, I’m making more of it than it is. To all you non-Jews out there that have never been to a Passover Seder – think Thanksgiving combined with rules and reading out loud. And of course zero bread or anything with yeast (stuffing, beer, etc.) WHY? Basically because some Jewish, Moses roadie didn’t know how to budget time very well, we’re stuck chompin’ on Matzo for 7 %$#% days. Ugh.

Here’s the first of 30 reasons of why I feel Matzo sucks...and you should to.

#1: Matzo immediately shatters into crumbs when you spread anything on it, especially butter.

BTW...my whole "Matzo sucks" positioning shouldn't affect your opinion of Streit's – Makers of fine Kosher for Passover products since 1925. Nothing says Passover like Streit's. Delicious! Tasty! Kosher-riffic!