BROOKLYN DIRT IS COOL AND YOU KNOW IT.

At least that’s what I was hoping back in 2006. Unfortunately that would never be the case. My hair-brained schemed all hinged on the images the word BROOKLYN conjured up. A mythical land dripping with machismo and tough guys. Hell, Jay-Z preached about it in half his songs and was making a cool mint. So why couldn’t I cash in on the name too in some way. I bet if I sold something that was straight outta Brookyn it’d be like printing money. Which is how the idea of Brooklyn Dirt Co. was born. I bought 500 jewelry bags and had my wife collect some dirt in front of her parents' apartment (out in Sheepshead Bay). We slapped a label on a prototype. Took a digital pic and immediately posted on ebay. After 2 months of zero hits and bids I officially called it quits. I was so certain this was the one. I just couldn't understand how other B-brands prospered (see blow) while I was stuck holding 500 mini-bags and a clump of NO paydirt.

BROOKLYN BRANDS THAT KICKED MY ASS IN SUCCESS...

BROOKLYN BREWERY: Ranked #20 on the Top 50 Breweries list in 2008. Distributed worldwide.

BROOKLYNYC: Sold in top retail outlets online. A fashion staple of "East Coast" hip-hop artists.

BROOKLYN COLOGNE (BOND NO. 9): Goes for $220 a bottle. A hot seller at high-end boutiques like Saks Fifth Avenue.

WILL THE NEW HIP-HOP ENDORSED BUBBLY TO RING IN NEW YEAR PLEASE STEP FORWARD?

Since Jay-Z and Cristal parted ways in ’06, there has been no true #1 champagne endorsed by all Hip Hoppers from East to West coast. Sure you’ll always see the classics like Krug, The Dom and Widow Clicquot at corner club tables and posh parties. Though if you’re looking for the hands-down front-runner for hip-hop preferred bubbly, my bling is on Armand de Brignac.

KING OF POP:

This brut cuvee is served in distinctive gold, silver and pink metal-plated bottles that feature a signature pewter “Ace of Spades” emblem. AdB is produced multi-vintage style like the other prestigious pops. Bottles can go for $200-something to upwards of $594.

STREET CREDS:

AdB has been seen in a slew of videos including – Jay-Z’s “Blue Magic” & “Roc Boys,” Beanie Sigel's "All the Above,” and Jamie Foxx’s “Blame it”.

AMEX BLACK: ANOTHER REASON TO HATE PEOPLE WITH FU MONEY!

Real Name: Centurion Card

Annual Fee: $2,500 (with a one time fee of 5 grand!)

What you need on resume: 250K yearly spending habit

Stuff you get: Dedicated travel agent, personal shoppers at hoity toity places, gold status with airlines and car rentals.

Card is made of: anodized titanium (not cheap plastic)

Rumored members: Jessica Simpson, Denzel Washington, Jay-Z, Jerry Seinfeld and Ellen DeGeneres.

Card negative: Since the card is slightly thicker it’s hard to insert it into readers. Guess you’ll need your assistant’s VISA at the pump. Sorry.