FRIDAY NIGHT FEATURE: LAST 3 MINUTES OF A MEREDITH BAXTER BIRNEY LIFETIME MOVIE

Tear jerker For the Love of Aaron definitely delivers.

I CRACKED THE LIFETIME MOVIE FORMULA!!

Well not the ONLY formula. I think there’s actually 4 of ‘em. I just finally identified the LM formula titled “WHY WON’T ANYONE BELIEVE ME?”

Girl (with a slight history of mental illness) marries a clean cut boy.

They get a great deal on a house that’s in a creepy, yet quaint neighborhood.

Couple meets a seemingly nice old neighbor, buy the wife gets an eerie vibe.

Freak deadly accidents start to occur in the neighborhood.

Wife thinks neighbor did it and does research at the local library on a very old machine.

No one believes wife so Husband gets her sleeping pills.

As soon as the wife takes pills (that night) the creepy neighbor breaks into the house and knocks husband unconscious with a fire poker.

Wife stabs creepy old man (with kitchen knife) after they struggle for 2 minutes.

As paramedics lift husband into ambulance he apologizes to wife for not believing her.

HOTTEST LADIES OF LIFETIME pt. 2

HOTTEST LADIES OF LIFETIME MOVIES.

by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)

Technically, some of ‘em on this list were in fact “movie of the week” girls. But, I’m sure the rights to those gems were probably bought by Lifetime at some point. The only qualification (other than the physical beauty thing) is they had to be in more than 3 movies. Oh, and bonus points if any of their movies deal with a cheating husband or a holiday miracle baby.

MEREDITH BAXTER
Most famous role: Elyse Keaton on Family Ties
Top Lifetime movies: A Mother’s Fight for Justice, A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story, and Miracle on the 17^th Green

MELISSA GILBERT
Most famous role: Laura Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie
Top Lifetime movies: Heart of the Storm, Switched at Birth, and A Holiday for Love

ALYSSA MILANO
Most famous role: Toss up between Phoebe on Charmed and Samantha on Who’s the Boss?
Top Lifetime movies: Wisegal, To Brave Alaska, and Casualties of Love: The Long Island Lolita Story

LINDSAY WAGNER
Most famous role: Jamie on The Bionic Woman
Top Lifetime movies: The Taking of Flight 847: The Uli Derickson Story, Stranger in My Bed, and A Message from Holly

NICOLE EGGERT
Most famous role: A toss up between Summer on Baywatch and Jamie on Charles in Charge.
Top Lifetime movies: Murder Seen, Secrets, and Wall of Secrets

THIS V-DAY CURL UP WITH A STEAMY NASCAR-THEMED ROMANCE NOVEL.

by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

For those of you who are spending the pseudo-holiday with a significant someone, good for you (line should be read sarcastically). For those of you who aren’t, might I suggest a bath, with a tall glass of anything and a hot NASCAR/Harlequin romance novel. OR you could F-that too and just buy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and veg out to a DVR’d Lifetime movie. If you’re going for door #1 here are my 3 racy reccos…

HITTING THE BRAKES (by Ken Casper)
Since taking over PDQ Racing, widowed businessman and single dad Jim Latimer is out of his element. Truth is, Jim knows next to nothing about stock car racing. On the positive side, however, the new position means a lot more time with PDQ publicity rep Anita Wolcott.

TAILSPIN (by Michele Dunaway)
Personal trainer Terri Whalen breathes car exhaust fumes the way other people breathe air. Born and bred into a NASCAR family, Terri travels the race circuit and ensures the drivers are in great shape. Her rule: job first. Men always seem to want more than Terri can give…until she meets Max Harper.

SPEED BUMPS (Ken Casper)
Star NASCAR driver Gabby O'Farrell can't believe her mother is harping at her again. How many times does she have to say it? She's not going to help run the family's corporation. She's not shopping for a husband of the right pedigree. And there's no way she's ever going to give up racing!

SEMI-INAPPROPRIATE BOY BAND SONG LIVES ON.

During one of Mtv’s ever-transitioning phases, the suits headed into Lifetime territory and experimented with TV movies. One of their first small screen debuts was 2Ge+her. It was pretty much a boy band version of Spinal Tap. Oddly enough the flim did strike a chord with teens and spawned a short-lived series. The mythical band (2Ge+her) even toured with Britney in the summer of 2000. As far as the songs go, they were all moderate PG humor. Safe for kids to laugh at. Fine for parents to feel good about them laughing. That being said, 2Ge+her’s arch nemesis boy band Whoa! did in fact venture In to PG-13 land. It was with their #1 fake smash hit – Rub One Out. Years later I did manage to track down the entire song, and actually thought the lyrics were pretty funny.  Then again that was before Youtube and Judd Apatow. Give the clip a watch – and yes, that’s John Norris helming the Mtv news update.