HOW TO DRINK LIKE A FISH IN JAPAN AND SURVIVE

Umeboshi pickled plums have pyric acid, which supposedly cleans out the system of beer or sake. Not sure how you eat it. Sorry.

GIVE HER THE iPOD OF TASERS

‘Tis the season for women to walk alone to their cars late at night with their arms loaded with gifts...unaware of lurking prowlers. If your loved one tends to do her holiday shopping in the PM hours you might want to give her the ultimate [helpful] shocker – THE TASER® C2.

THE STATS ON THIS MIGHTY MERRY  MUTHA!

• 15ft range
• Sends a 30 second jolt of juice
• Laser guidance system (nail your assailant on the first try)
• Lightweight and compact (perfect for the pocket or purse)
• Long-lasting (you can use it over 50 times)

BUT WAIT, THERE’S STILL MORE…

THE TASER® C2 CASE (holster) also doubles as an mp3 player with 1 gig of storage.

TOTAL COSTS FOR PEACE OF MIND...

Titanium Taser – $293.50 @ Amazon

Mp3 Case – $79.99 @ Amazon

The question remains, what ‘s the best way to fry his ass while feeling the groove?

Here are my top two tazing tunes...

Electric Avenue (1982) – Eddie Grant

Electric boogie (Electric slide 1976) – Marcia Griffiths

IF YOU HAVE A TIME MACHINE AND WANT TO MAKE A TON OF FAST CASH GO BACK TO FEBRUARY 10th, 1990.

by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)

Sure you could go back before Apple’s second act and buy some dirt cheep stock, but where’s the fun in that. You won’t make a quick killing. Instead you’ll need to wait at least 15 years before you see any type of decent ROI (return of investment). Now if it was me, Feb 10^th is my pick. I’d catch a plane to Vegas and put 5 grand on one Mr. James “Buster” Douglas. The next day at the Mirage Casino he was pretty much guaranteed (by all the odds makers) to get shellacked by Iron Mike Tyson. The final line was 42 to 1 and only one parlor in all of Vegas was accepting bets. Of course we all know how that ended in the 10^th round. And I would’ve netted a cool $210,000. Then sadly I'd probably lose all of it from reinvesting in 2008. So is the circle of life. If you know a better day let me know.

BEFORE YOU DIE, YOU MUST HAVE A GARBAGE PLATE.

Sounds gross, right? Well it’s pretty much a slice of heaven to any upstate NY college student. The Garbage Plate is the signature dish at Nick Tahou Hots in Rochester, NY. Essentially it’s a base of macaroni salad, home fries and baked beans. Next, you got your choice of meats: hamburger, hot dog, sausage, chicken, etc. Then to top it off ol’ Nick throws on chopped onions, mustard, his special hot sauce and mixes it all together. What you get is one of the best, greasy concoctions to fight any (post or pre) hangover. Back in the day I was lucky enough to be invited on a couple of Nick Tahou runs. We made the drive from Fredonia, NY. ‘bout 2 hours. Totally worth it.

NWM TIP: For any first NT-timers, I’d say go for the ($7.50) Cheeseburger Garbage Plate. That’s the most popular and filling.

YOUTUBE VIDEO REVIEW: SNOW CAR TOWING (4 STARS)

Snow Car Towing (to me and 160,000 + viewers) is one of the all-time classic “youtube” comedic videos. At first glance, one would think the disastrous outcome (not giving away the surprise ending) would be the pinnacle of the hilarity.  However, here I’d have to give the real credit to the cast and the filmmaker. The camera angles the director chose really brought out the anguish and the intensity of the characters. All of which makes for a great build to the ending. However, I feel like the surprise best performance is done by Angry Teen #5.  When he pleads the truck drivers to heed his warning (before & after), nothing less than Oscar gold. Right up there with Tomei in My Cousin Vinny.  Sure you could plunk down twelve of your hard earned dollars to see some summer sophomoric comedy. Though, this reviewer is just fine watching 2 plus minutes of this comedic gem. Unless it’s The Hangover. %$^ hilarious!

FERN-TASTIC WEB SHOW!

BETWEEN TWO FERNS, WATCH IT on the web!

Some comedians are in-your-face-funny. Big jokes. Big laughs. Some comedians are heavy into props. Gallagher and his Sledge-O-Matic. Howie and his rubber glove (before Deal). Ok, now I’m dating myself. Then there are those that, well, you can’t really place their comedic style, like Zac Galifinakis (aka the brother In-law from The Hangover). One could describe him as a mixture of Andy Kaufman, Stephen Wright and John Belushi. Subtle, character driven humor with a hint of crazed unpredictability. Between Two Ferns is somewhat of a Zac G. talk show. His guests/ victims include Jon Hamm (of Mad Men), Natalie Portman and Jimmy Kimmel to name a few. Each 3 minute show has Zac probing his guests on subjects ranging from dog genitals to porn names. Check it out.

NWM WARNING: Zac tends to be on the dirty-side, so you might not want to watch at work without the headphones.