AS A PRESENT TO MY WIFE ON HER BIRTHDAY, HERE IS THE SEXIEST FEMALE PROFESSIONAL BOWLER OF 2011.

FYI…today I treated my wife to a day at the spa and a yoga class. Oh and to this post about the sexiest bowler on the PBA circuit. 

Her name is Diandra Asbaty. She was born in 1980. And Diandra will be representing Team USA in some tournament that’s coming up – check your local listings.  Here are her stats. Pretty kick-ass if you ask me. 

Happy birthday hon!!! Hope you like your gift post!

Oh and congrats to Belle! She won my book cover contest! Click here to check out her cover!!!

FREE MILLION DOLLAR IDEA (This one can’t miss)

Since you are my special blog readers I’m letting you all in on this AMAZING opportunity. 

Ok, so you know how pets don't live forever? And you know how bowling is like the 18th most favorite sport in the USA and Canada? I say combine the two! That’s right, my invention is THE BOWLING BED FOR DEAD PETS. The name is still a work in progress.

SO HOW DOES IT WORK? I’M NOT FOLLOWING YOUR MORONIC TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

Essentially when your pet dies THE BOWLING BED FOR DEAD PETS will help immortalize your pooch or kitty the fun way.

FIRST – our professional taxidermist (with the utmost precision and care) will chop off your pet’s head. Then he (or she) will discard the body and preserve the cranium.

SECOND – You choose the bowling bowl you want your pet head to rest in. Obviously there won't be a skull in the one you choose. This is just a sample ball.

FINALLY – Through the miracle of modern bowling science, we will permanently place the pet head in your ball. And for extra bucks we’ll even engrave your pet’s name on the ball in nice tasteful gold letters.

So what do you think?

PLEASE only email me with semi-serious inquiries. I’m thinking a grand or two of seed money should get the THE BOWLING BED FOR DEAD PETS off the ground and pitter pattering. 

AND IN RETIREMENT COMMUNITY NEWS…

The 2010 Wii Bowling league season is in full swing. And so far Conference 4 has been the division to watch. Veteran teams like The C-S Pin Crushers and Wii Are The Winners are back and bringin’ on the heat. Though it seems like the dark horse team The Dynomite Menthuenites (from Methuen Village) have surprised everyone by taking the lead with just 45 strikes. 

Here are the official standings after two games. 

SEXIEST PROFESSIONAL FEMALE BOWLERS.

The top female professionals in bowling with beauty to spare.

[Based on 2009 stats]

Carolyn Dorin-Ballard / pts. 123,600 /

total earnings = $36,300 / ranking (1)

Diandra Asbaty / pts. 78,100 /

total earnings = $17,800/ ranking (9)

Shannon O'Keefe / pts. 62,800 /

total earnings = $13,200 / ranking (14)

Kelly Kulick / pts. 5,300 / total earnings = $1,660 / ranking (21)

3 TOTALLY RAD PHYSICS EQUATIONS.

BOWLING: How to calculate the bowling ball’s momentum.

Total kinetic energy = kinetic energy due to translation + kinetic energy due to rotation

SKIING: How to measure your acceleration.

Acceleration= (Velocity final- Velocity initial) / Time

BUNGEE JUMPING: How to calculate what your distance from the  ground will be. 

Weight = K(spring constant of cord) x height of jumper – L (cord length)

DUDE! LEBOWSKI FEST IS COMING!

The Coen brothers have been responsible for some amazingly, f--- up films. Fargo, Blood Simple, Raising Arizona to name a few classics. However, none have skyrocketed (with bowling ball in hand) to cult status faster than The Big Lebowski. Jeff Bridges starred as Jeffrey Lebowski – the ultimate loafer and the self-proclaimed, “Dude!” Together with his bowling buddies, the Shabbat celebrating psycho Walter Sobchak (John Goodman), and an oddly subdued Steve Buscemi (Donny) they battled kidnappers, a pornographer/loan shark and DeGEEZUS. The movie is definitely up there on the comedy scale. Though I think it’s THE DUDE-ian “whatever man” way of life that has had such a deep impact with fans. So much so that a tribute festival was born – Lebowski Fest. This 8-city tour consists of 2 days worth of Lebowski-centric events which include: live scene performances, bowling, a movie screening and of course all the White Russians (Caucasians) you can drink. It all starts in September. So check out the site to find out when the Achievers will be rolling into your alley.