FREE MILLION DOLLAR IDEA (This one can’t miss)

Since you are my special blog readers I’m letting you all in on this AMAZING opportunity. 

Ok, so you know how pets don't live forever? And you know how bowling is like the 18th most favorite sport in the USA and Canada? I say combine the two! That’s right, my invention is THE BOWLING BED FOR DEAD PETS. The name is still a work in progress.

SO HOW DOES IT WORK? I’M NOT FOLLOWING YOUR MORONIC TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

Essentially when your pet dies THE BOWLING BED FOR DEAD PETS will help immortalize your pooch or kitty the fun way.

FIRST – our professional taxidermist (with the utmost precision and care) will chop off your pet’s head. Then he (or she) will discard the body and preserve the cranium.

SECOND – You choose the bowling bowl you want your pet head to rest in. Obviously there won't be a skull in the one you choose. This is just a sample ball.

FINALLY – Through the miracle of modern bowling science, we will permanently place the pet head in your ball. And for extra bucks we’ll even engrave your pet’s name on the ball in nice tasteful gold letters.

So what do you think?

PLEASE only email me with semi-serious inquiries. I’m thinking a grand or two of seed money should get the THE BOWLING BED FOR DEAD PETS off the ground and pitter pattering. 

A DOUCHEY DID YOU KNOW: FACEBOOK Edition

I’m not suggesting that anyone try this at all. If ya did, I'm 72.8% sure all of your friends and family would think you’re a total douche. But c’mon, don’t you just get the urge to do something like this at least once?

Am I evil for having this thought? 

CREATE A CRYOGENIC KITTY.

Now see, If Mr. Disney thought ahead and used the Cryonics Institute – he could’ve taken his pet mouse with him. Currently CI has 95 humans, 157 tissues/DNA samples and yes, 63 pets in Cryostasis.

How they freeze Fido:

Liquid nitrogen is used to cool the body (pets and humans) down to a temperature that literally puts a stop to physical decay. The idea is that the bodies stay in storage until future science comes out with ways to restore them to their original health-filled glory.

How much does it cost to freeze Sparky?

The cost of freezing a cat or dog (15lbs or under) is around $5,800 a year. Add $150 for each additional pound.

And Tweety?

Birds cost around $700 per year. That price could vary based on the size of the bird.

The price to be among the frozen elite:

On top of the freezing fees, CI charges a $120 imitation fee. A small price to pay for the comfort of knowing that you’ll be able to play fetch with Sparky in the next new millennium. Or at least someone will.

FG tackles Mr. D and cryogenics…