IF WE PAID A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION TO CHARLIE SHEEN’S NIPPLES WE COULD’VE PREVENTED HIS DEMISE

Tiger blood or not Charlie Sheen is out of control! And we only have us to blame. That’s right. I’m calling out you America. None of us paid enough attention to CHARLIE SHEEN’S nipples.

Here's his nipple fresh and clean on the set of Platoon (1986).

Notice how healthy it is, with zero discoloration. 

And here is Mr. Sheen’s nipple front and center after Major League II (1994).

Right at this moment was when we could’ve detected the beginning of his downfall. The nipple is slightly aged and darkened. It's a known fact that drug addicts have dark, protruding nipples.

And finally, here is Mr. Sheen's nipple shot outside the Bellagio at 2:32 a.m. – extremely aged and worn out. 

FYI…here’s an old nipple pic of one Mr. Charles Manson. 

Thankfully Mr. Sheen is not there (nipple-wise) yet, but it’s on us to prevent any further breakdown. 

Thank you Noog for showing me the light. Sadly I pale in comparison to your photoshopped brilliance.  

SO WHAT ARE THOSE CRAZY WHITE PEOPLE DOING ON YOUTUBE NOW?

Watch a crazy white person go from Olympic hopeful to hoping to survive a deadly faceplant. It's piss-your-pants, awesome fun.

10 STATEMENTS I GUARANTEE YOU HAVE NEVER READ ON ANY OTHER BLOG POST.

A bold statement I know. I’m starting with 10 ‘cause honestly I don’t have too much faith in myself. But one thing is for certain, I am NOT a quitter. My goal is to eventually get to 25 one-of-kind gems. Dare to dream.

Yes, most of these semi-sentences probably only make sense to me. A few on 'em will also guarantee me a first class ticket straight to hell. So is life. Please let me know if you’ve heard some iteration of the crap I’m about to spew. That is the only way I'll learn.

Oh and hey, If you want to work ‘em into your blog or use as an attention grabbing header go right ahead. In return I’d be cool with just a small shout out and a link up. On to the madness.

1- I know she’s a nun, but that doesn’t mean she can’t have a fine ass.

2- If I camped out in Middle-earth for 3 or 4 months I bet Hobbit farts would grow on me.

3- I would cradle Satan’s balls if it meant I could get a primo parking space at the free clinic.

4- I think snot nose brats could rule the world if you chain them to the right refrigerator.

5- I blog for the chicks and the free coke.

6- Squirrel meat totally tastes better than hamster meat, duh!

7- We didn’t cryogenically freeze gammy to help her live longer, it’s ‘cause we caught her cheating.

8- Back in the day, Vomitoriums must have kicked righteous ass!

9- The ear wax and mustard combine for an earthy texture.

10- I do everything effeminate with my left hand, except masturbate.