1 LAME DRINK YOU CAN MAKE FOR YOUNG NEW YEAR’S EVE GUESTS

EVIL PRINCESS

1 oz grenadine syrup

2 oz grape juice

1 oz apple juice

1 tbsp vanilla syrup

1 tbsp lemon juice

Mix with crushed ice in a glass and garnish with mint leaves.

BAD ASS BELT BUCKLE OF THE DAY

Is it a flask or a cool ass belt buckle? It’s both, and can be yours for only $21.95 at the Buckle Shop.

AN EVENT 40 YEARS (and 1 month) IN THE MAKING….AND YOU CAN HELP.

Take a good look at me now. This picture was taken a couple of weeks ago. Notice I’m smiling. No evidence of pain. No fluid leakage. Well my friends, get ready for some major eye bags and possible weight gain. That’s ‘cause in 38.6 hours I will be on a plane to New Orleans with 4 other 40 yr olds.

WHY?

It’s our way of celebrating all of our birthdays at once. We’ll be polluting our bodies non-stop for 2.5ish days in the BIG EASY.

PLEASE POINT US IN THE DIRECTION OF NC-17 SIN!

I’ve only been to New Orleans one time before in 2004, and it was pretty much a blur. So if any of you have any advice as to where the best places to experience the naughties of life (bars, bad food, strip clubs, etc.) are, I’d be very appreciative.

Oh and yes, I believe we are staying on Bourbon Street (in a room with a balcony). 

Wish my body luck.

USE THE WONDERS OF TECHNOLOGY TO LIE, CHEAT, AND NEVER FORGET A BIRTHDAY

My memory ain’t what it used to be. Nice side effect of aging. I’m sure soon enough I’ll need to... 

- find a large index card

- write the important date nice and big (in permanent marker)

- then duct tape it to my face – just so I’ll remember it the next day.  

I think the worst part is forgeting a crap-load of birthdays. I’ll probably forget yours too. And that sucks! Mostly 'cause that’s something you can’t take back. Oh sure, the person says they don’t care, but deep down they do. WELL NO MORE!!! WHILE I WAS SOAPY AND NAKED IN THE SHOWER YESTERDAY I THOUGHT OF AN INGENIOUS – NAY, A REVOLUTIONARY WAY TO NEVER EVER GET NAILED FOR FORGETTING A BIRTHDAY.

Step 1. Forget a birthday (easy enough)

Unfortunately it has to be someone you’re not that close with. Someone you talk to mostly through email.

Step 2. Send a birthday eCard to a slightly different address

An example would be if your friend’s email is john.smith@Ovac.com, send it to john.smith@Ovic.com

Step 3. Wait for the email to get bounced back to you

It should look like this...

Step 4. Forward the Birthday eCard to the correct email

Apologize to your friend for screwing up the address, but NOT for forgetting his or her birthday….because in their mind ta da da daaa…YOU DIDN’T!!!

ALMOST FORGOT!!! Change the date on the original “wrong” email so it looks like you sent it on your friend's birthday.

Step 5. Celebrate a job well done 

My personal faves are a pack of Pretzel M&Ms (only 150 calories) with Tab.

FUNKY FLASKS FOR SPRING BREAK!!!

At this point millions of college kids are preparing for their spring jaunt to the land of sunshine. For the most part, expect to be pounding a massive amount of brews on the beach or in a tiny econo-hotel room (occupied by 18 guys and 2 girls). However, there will be those moments when the party seeps into areas with old people (age 30+). 3 such venues would be…

Golf course
Souvenir / T-shirt shop
Cab to bar

Not the best situations for smuggling beers. Yes, the best situation for sneaking in the hard stuff. That is if you have one of these bitchin’ flasks…

BINOCULAR FLASK ($14.99 @ Papabert.com)

2-chamber liquor flask.

Holds 16oz (13 shots).

Comes w/ shoulder strap, funnel, and gift box.

REEF FLASK SANDALS ($41.40 @ Edgewear.com)

Comfortable, water friendly.

Anatomical arch support.

Polyurethane encapsulated canteen in heel with screw cap.

CAMERA FLASK ($11.99 @ after5catalog.com)

Made from stainless steel.

Durable and washable.

Funnel included.

ISAAC’S COCKTAIL O’ LOVE

Straight from the Pirate’s Cove comes this lusty libation that’s the second best way to warm you up on a cold winter’s night.

 

HOTTIE TODDY

Ingredients

• 1 oz brandy, whiskey or rum
  
• 1 Tbsp honey
  
• 1/4 lemon
  
• 1 cup hot water
  
• 1 tea bag

Preparation

• Coat the bottom of a mug with honey.
  
• Add your choice of liquor.
  
• Squeeze in the juice of the lemon quarter.
  
• Add freshly made hot tea to mug
  
• Stir, serve and enjoy.