AN EVENT 40 YEARS (and 1 month) IN THE MAKING….AND YOU CAN HELP.

Take a good look at me now. This picture was taken a couple of weeks ago. Notice I’m smiling. No evidence of pain. No fluid leakage. Well my friends, get ready for some major eye bags and possible weight gain. That’s ‘cause in 38.6 hours I will be on a plane to New Orleans with 4 other 40 yr olds.

WHY?

It’s our way of celebrating all of our birthdays at once. We’ll be polluting our bodies non-stop for 2.5ish days in the BIG EASY.

PLEASE POINT US IN THE DIRECTION OF NC-17 SIN!

I’ve only been to New Orleans one time before in 2004, and it was pretty much a blur. So if any of you have any advice as to where the best places to experience the naughties of life (bars, bad food, strip clubs, etc.) are, I’d be very appreciative.

Oh and yes, I believe we are staying on Bourbon Street (in a room with a balcony). 

Wish my body luck.

GET SOME STONES OR A BIKINI AND RIDE THAT MECHANICAL BULL.

I can honestly say (as a 5’4”, slightly pudgy Lon Gilander) that I will never have the chance to take on a Mechanical Bull. The ultimate, ragin’ ride that was invented by Sherwood Cryer. Back in the 70s, Cryer was looking for something new for his (now legendary) honkey tonk bar Gilley’s. The black-bull was born and became an immediate hit with local factory workers. As the ride’s popularity grew Hollywood even took notice. And the producing powers that be wound up using the bar and bull in the 1980 classic Urban Cowboy (starring John Travolta and Debra Winger). Today, Gilley’s is still around. Though it ain’t the only place you can ride the robo-bull. Bars all over the country feature all kinds of specials around these mammoth-money makers. Here are a few.

COWBOY BILL’S: 610 1/2 Duval Street, Key West, FL (305) 295.8219

Come ride our Mechanical Bull! Wednesday Nights, Our famous Sexy Bikini Bull Riding starts at 11:30pm, $200 first prize! Click on image above for Bull Cam!

WHISKY RIVER: 210 East Trade Street
, Suite A-208 / Charlotte, NC (704) 749-1097

Tune Up Tuesdays. Calling all students, service industry personnel and the rest of y'all who like to have a good time in the middle of the week. Live Bands and Whisky DJs, Mechanical Bull Riding and VIP Tables. $2 ML Long Necks. $2 Tic Tac Shots. $5 Vodka Energy Drinks.

SADDLE RANCH: 4321 N Scottsdale Rd / Scottsdale, AZ / (480) 429-2263

Every Sunday night, Saddle Ranch hosts the Best of the Bull contest. Hop on our infamous mechanical bull and buck your way to cash and prizes. The contest is judged in 2 areas – speed and audience applause, so bring a wagon full of friends to cheer ya on.

OPEN LETTER TO THOSE WHO WHORE IT UP FOR HALLOWEEN.

by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

This is by no means some preachy, “after-school special” speech trying to get young, impressionable girls to face their low self-esteem issues, and not vamp it up for H-day. Wasted words as far as I’m concerned. I was 21. I know the lure of being able to drop your prim and proper façade one day out of the year. Back in the day I totally shoved my size 6 body into a short, short, spandexy, costume that showed off my young curves and perky, ample cleavage. Mostly I did it to impress some guy in my sociology class. Turned out to be creep, but that’s a whole other story. Anyway, as I said before, the advice part is NOT about the “sexing it up." It’s about keeping your brain intact for the evening. Lets face it, 4 hours at a kegger (or bar) full of horned up guys, dressed half naked is going to draw all kinds of attention – good and creepy. So here are my personal Halloween Vamp survival tips for the night...

Costume Choice:

BATGIRL

Reason:

It can be as form fitting as you want (see visual). A utility belt is also part of the costume. Much better than dragging a purse around, that you'll probably lose.

Vamp Belt Supplies (other than the mints, money & makeup):

C-PHONE – For obvious reasons.

EMERGENCY CASH STASH – For cab fare. Rest assured, the crazy party crowd will split you and your friends up (including the one that drove).

PEPPER SPRAY – It might seem silly, ‘til you’re walking to the diner on a dimly lit street.

CONDOM – You might say no, but the 5 beers and shots might make you think otherwise. Regardless if you regret it the next day, you should at least be safe that night.

ASPIRIN – (If you use that condom) helps with all types of headaches the next morning.

Keep some henchmen around:

Probably be a good idea to keep some real guy buddies (you trust) close at hand, just in case some Joker gets a little too touchy feely.

That’s pretty much it. If you need me I’ll be home with my roommate, 3 Netflix DVDs and a pint of something.

GET CLOCKY FOR COLLEGE!

Aside from students with facial hair, the part of college that took the most getting used to for me at least – odd class times. Some days you had to be in at 8am, other days it wasn’t ‘til 1pm. That'll pretty much screw up any internal clock. Throw in quarter draft night or bar buy backs and you’ll be dazed and confused the entire semester. Doesn’t really matter when the professors are passing out syllabuses. Midterms and finals are a different story. Actually knew a guy that slept through one of those. Not the best GPA booster. So make sure you pack the right alarm clock. Anything with music or mood sounds and you’re pretty much guaranteed an extra long snooze. Which is why you need a clock with no mercy like Clocky Alarm Clock on wheels.

Set it for a certain time and it'll wake you up like a regular clock. Though as soon as you hit that snooze bar, Clocky goes to work. It speeds off the nightstand (with its sturdy wheels) and literally looks for a place to hide. Before the snooze alarm sounds off. Then get ready, for a sadistic round of dorm room hide and seek. Click here for Clocky.