REMEMBER TO SAVE THOSE TURKEY BONES FOR THAT 7-YEAR VOODOO SPELL

Mommy bloggers! I'm sure your husband can carve a mean turkey. The real question is, are you still satisfied in the sack? If not, here’s how you can turn a handful of Thanksgiving leftovers and some questionable ingredients into 7 years of guaranteed unbridled passion.

THE BOOK OF SHADOWS: ENDURING LOVE SPELL

INGREDIENTS:

DIRECTIONS:

Step 1. Dry turkey bones and a Yarrow.

Step 2. Place somewhere near your husband’s side of the bed.

Step 3.  Next add a drop of your blood to a chicken heart

Step 4. Bury the heart somewhere near the front entrance to your house.

Step 5. Now when your husband is sleeping gently grab the back of his neck and recite this incantation – "Hands set him on fire, 
with the wildest desire."

Step 6. Repeat “Step 5” at least 10 times.

RESULTS: Husband will have eyes ONLY for you (and no one else) for at least 7 years. Effects may vary depending on placement of ingredients.

CRINGEWORTHY MOMENTS IN HISTORY.

It was1988. A year before maverick director Dorian Walker and hot producer Bob Manning would release the highly anticipated Teen Witch. A film that stars Robyn Elaine Lively as a teen nerd who suddenly discovers she’s a powerful witch. Originally Walker and Manning planned for just a simple jazzy film score to accompany this indie dramedy. Though after reviewing the first cut, the creative team realized a contemporary dance music number would be integral in helping complete a pivotal scene. In a pinch they turned to composer/lyricist extraordinaire Larry Weir. And with the help of a well-choreographed Amanda Ingber they created one of the most Cringeworthy Moments in cinematic history – “TOP THAT!”

JUST HOW COLD IS A WITCH’S TIT?

by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)

Not asking ‘cause I’m about to get to second base with some Wiccan princess. It’s just that since I’ve been on a health kick (for about 5 minutes), I now walk to work. Unfortunately the weather has NOT been cooperating. It’s like really, really, cold, ice water outside. Which is pretty much the main reason that expression keeps popping in and out of my head as snot leaks from my nose and instantly freezes to my face. Sorry for evoking such sexy imagery.

WITCH’S TIT ORIGIN.

The expression began in the 16th century in not so jolly ol’ England. Apparently, the “mark of the witch” was located on her breast. Any woman who had an extra nipple, blemish or beauty dot in that area was instantly considered evil. Old court records even show the deposition of these blasphemic-boobs during witch trails.

SO WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT TEMPERATURE-WISE?

Believe it or not there is an answer! Scholars say that after the whole “witch trials, death to wrongly accused women” thingy, the expression referred to when Mercury (in thermometers) solidified. And as a certain informative wiki post states ...

The temperature at which mercury will freeze is a cool -38.83 °C (-37.89 °F).

You're welcome.