COMMUNICABLE DISEASE CELLS OF THE DAY

My cells invade the host through sexual contact. I cause a burning sensation in your urine. I also can make your testicles tender. What type of diseased cell am I?

Click here for the answer.

3 THINGS I’M 72.8% SURE YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT ROSH HASHANAH (but you’re wrong)

#1- Rosh Hashanah is the celebration of the Jewish New Year, NOT the holiday you smear cow’s blood on doors (that’s Passover).

#2- This is NOT the holiday we eat those Jewish crackers aka Matzo (again, that’s Passover).

 #3- Rosh Hashanah is one of our bigger holidays as opposed to the one that lasts for 8 crazy nights!

BADASS BELT BUCKLE OF THE DAY

Add some funk right above your junk – courtesy of awelldressedbullet.ca. Enter the saloon with this big brass beast and guaranteed all the ladies will be swoonin'. Each buckle is made of authentic rifle cartridges (Full Metal Jacket-style). And you can choose from a variety of gun ammo (Remington, Winchester, Springfield, etc.) Prices range from $18 - $25 ea. Oh and yes, the 45-70 Government issued bullets are still in stock. Click here to order.

SUPER-RAD RECALLED TOYS (an ongoing series)

The toy at the top of my list has to be the Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab. It sold for a whopping 50 bucks from 1950-1951. So why would those Government Fun-killers put an end to this toy? Honestly, I have no clue. The set came with an electroscope, a geiger counter, a manual, a comic book (Dagwood Splits the Atom), and a government manual – that’s it. ). I mean what’s so bad about that?

Ok, maybe if I had to venture a guess, it might be ‘cause the kit also contained 4 types of low level uranium ore: a beta-alpha source (Pb-210), a pure beta source (Ru-106), a gamma source (Zn-65?), a spinthariscope, a cloud chamber with its own short-lived alpha source (Po-210.

FYI…one set sold recently on ebay for 5 grand. 

ONE MOVIE YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY GET AROUND TO SEEING, BUT I’LL JUST SPOIL THE ENDING FOR YOU ANYWAY

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)

Sean goes to Kumata's place and gives him the money. Sean says he’s sorry for messing up Mr. K’s town. Sean then offers Kumata a deal. He and DK will race and the loser will leave town. Kumata accepts so off they go to race. Sean wins, and DK leaves town. 

At the parking garage, Sean is now the new DK with Neela as his main squeeze. Just then Twinkie informs him that an old friend of Han's wants to race. Sean of course agrees and heads to the starting line. Dominic Toretto is there waiting for him, and the race begins – all in Han's memory.

33rd ANNIVERSARY OF AN INCREDIBLY AWKWARD JEWISH-THEMED PSA

I was a wee bit less than a decade old when this gem came out. I was (am) Jewish. And to be honest, I had no clue what the fuss was all about. I mean Jimmy is his Jewish friend – not his Jewish enemy. That's good, right? Now I know better. The PSA is all about horrible haircuts and freaky fishing hats.

NAUGHTY-ISH GENERATOR OF THE DAY

I think we’ve all been privy to the tramp stamp either through real life or Skin-O-Max. Well now you can create your own @ss-terpiece courtesy of ImageChef. Click here to create.

FOREIGN FRIDAY

[Today’s language is Hungarian]

Tudod, néha egyszerűen nem kell semmit mondani, ami miatt én ezt trükk. Úgy értem, nem lehet minden nap. Tudom? Nem. 

Szóval csak írja értelmetlen, és remélem, senki sem kitalálja a trükk. Lennék annyira mérges, ha nem. Hú ez nekem.

Ezek ugyanazok az emberek, hogy született a milliárdokat, vagy apukák az előző nevek, mint a Trump, vagy Walton. Sajnálom, lezuhant dupla adagot a keserű pirula után perusing a 2011 pénzügyi kimutatásokban. Úgy tûnik, ebben a gazdaságban meg kell, hogy valóban fel, hogy a szerencse faktor. Még tekintélyes és jogi diplomát, 'N SYNC, Vannak barátaim, akik még mindig sikerül találni karrierje sikerét.

Szóval itt van ez a típusú, közel a lakásom. Őszintén szólva, hogy van egy csodálatos kiválasztását az alapvető élelmiszerek, mint a juice, tojás, kenyér, bla, bla, bla. És akkor ott van minden típusú japán galuska, tészta, tea, és egy óriási a választék a cookie-kat. 

Nagyjából az összes cookie-k azonos összetevő-bölcs - sütijük szereplő tejcsokoládé. És igen, amikor zümmögött semmi sem jobb, mint scarfing le egy doboz ilyen finom falatokat egy hideg pohár tejet.

RECIPE FOR JOB SUCCESS – EXTRA SAGE

Really annoying people that have really good jobs always say,

“The key to success is talent and a little bit of luck.”

These are the same people that were born into billions or have dads with last names like Trump, or Walton. Sorry, downed a double dose of the bitter pills after perusing my 2011 financial statements. Seems like in this economy you need to really up that luck factor. Even with respectable MBAs and law degrees, I have friends who are still having trouble finding career success. 

Of course if you’re Alison Yates (Wicca extraordinaire), all you need is the right magic tea potion to make all of your financial dreams come true. And here is the spell recipe. Free of charge.

Oh, just a little BTW, before you start. For the Money Tea (that’s what she calls it) to take full effect, it must be made during the Waxing Moon phase. That’s supposedly when it looks like the moon is growing bigger in the sky.

Ok, now that we got all that celestial stuff cleared away, here’s what you need to do – word for word.

MONEY TEA SPELL:

Place these dry herbs in a bowl:

3 teaspoons Mint 


3 teaspoons Sage 


2 teaspoons Rosemary 


1 teaspoons Thyme

Now mix them all together while thinking of wealthy, successful thoughts and recite this incantation 3 times …

“Mix and combine to bring to me. Abundant wealth for all to see!”

This blend should last you for 9 days. Or when the oxen cries to the one eye dove (didn’t really get that part).

Each day you must pour a half a cup of boiling water over 1 teaspoon of the mixture. Steep the tea for 5 minutes, and add honey if you like. Then take a sip and recite this second incantation 3 times…

“As I sip this money brew. Bring money and wealth to accrue. Harming none and helping me. So mote it be!”

Repeat for the next 8 days, and drop me a line (and accept my resume) if it actually works.

FUN FACTOID ABOUT PONIES MAKING LOVE (pt 2)

During the lovemaking process the young stallion pony sometime will grab the mare's mane with his teeth in order to position himself better.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT IT TASTES GREAT WHEN I’M DRUNK.

So there’s this Japanese 7-11 type place near my apartment – M2M (Morning to Midnight). Honestly, they have an amazing selection of staple foods like juice, eggs, bread, blah, blah, blah. And then there’s all types of Japanese dumplings, noodles, teas, and a HUGE selection of cookies. Pretty much all the cookies are the same ingredient-wise – shortbread covered in milk chocolate. And yes, when you’re buzzed there’s nothing better than scarfing down a box of these tasty morsels with a cold glass of milk.

And there’s no guilt since I can't read the nutrition content.

The only odd thing is the shape of these cookies and packaging (see visual above.)

I mean what’s the deal with the ax man?

And the yummy deforestation covered in chocolate?

Though at the end of the day I don’t really care since the cookies are delish and the price is perfecto!

AS A PRESENT TO MY WIFE ON HER BIRTHDAY, HERE IS THE SEXIEST FEMALE PROFESSIONAL BOWLER OF 2011.

FYI…today I treated my wife to a day at the spa and a yoga class. Oh and to this post about the sexiest bowler on the PBA circuit. 

Her name is Diandra Asbaty. She was born in 1980. And Diandra will be representing Team USA in some tournament that’s coming up – check your local listings.  Here are her stats. Pretty kick-ass if you ask me. 

Happy birthday hon!!! Hope you like your gift post!

Oh and congrats to Belle! She won my book cover contest! Click here to check out her cover!!!

BITCHIN’ BLOG GENERATOR OF THE DAY

Click here to create your very own “ For Dummies-ish” cover. I’m sure all of you out there in blog land could think of way better covers. If you want, include the links to your covers in the comment section. The best one will be crowned "blog & new blog of the day" sometime next week. Or ignore the contest completely, I won’t be bummed.

YO INTERNET! HOW MUCH DOES THAT GUY IN THE ORANGE JUMPSUIT FROM YO GABBA GABBA MAKE?

Actually the character’s name is DJ Lance Rock. His real name is Lance Robertson. He was born in St. Louis, MO. And he graduated from Hazelwood East High School in 1983. 

So how much does Lance make per year? The world wide web says Nick Jr. shells out $350K for his services. Granted this doesn’t include concerts, and appearances at the Kennedy compound. 

But aside from that I feel like Lance still has pull in closer to a million from the network. So I’m going to say, "sorry internet" I don’t trust your answer for this particular topic. 

4 MORE THINGS I’M 72.8% SURE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE PINK POWER RANGER

#1: Amy Jo Johnson grew up in Cape Cod, Massachusetts.

#2: In her spare time Amy is the lead Singer/Guitarist for the band Valhalla.

#3: Amy played the role of Julie on Felicity.

#4: Amy has a dog named Lucy.

DO THEY SELL ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS ONLINE? IF SO, WHERE?

Most people outside of the NYC area need no defining of this delicacy. The rest of you I got two words – animal testicles. These balls are usually bathed in breading and served with some type of dipping sauce. 


And believe it or not I actually found 'em online at Exocticmeatmarket.com. Not only do they have the classic bull balls, but other species as well. Take a look at these testis. 

BE HONEST BLOGOSPHERE, DO I LOOK YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE ONE OF THOSE JUMP STREET COPS?

This pic was from a couple of months ago at some bar. I was out with my younger advertising cohorts celebrating some win with copious amounts of beer. If I had to look at myself honesty, ok, sure I’m 40. Though seriously I feel like I could give Depp a run for his money…

… definitely Grieco 

... or DeLuise. 

BTW…for those that don’t know, 21 Jump Street was a show on FOX in the late 80s / early 90s.

The premise was these cops looked so young that they could actually pose as high school students. So I ask you blogosphere – could I be one of those Jump Street cops? Be honest, it’s the only way I’ll learn.

 

C’mon! Can’t you just see me in the opening credits?

ARE THERE ANY BI-CURIOUS ANIMALS ON THE PLANET OTHER THAN HUMANS?

Glad you asked. There are a bunch of candidates – from primates to parasites. However, after careful consideration, my favorite bisexual organism has to be [drum roll please] SHEEP!! Specifically rams! 

LOVE THESE GUYS! I mean their on and off again romances with odd farmhands have fueled some of my best blog posts. 

And when it comes to their own kind they still like to experiment, 10% of rams (males) are down with mating with ewes (females), as well as uber-into getting it on with other rams. No wonder they are the animal of choice for condoms.