Thursday, December 22, 2011

THE ART OF THE SHOPPER SHOVE & GRAB


‘Tis the season to take advantage of tons of bargains at your neighborhood uber-mega-superstores. Of course to do that you need to wade through a sea of crazed shoppers. Now I’m a native NYer, so I’m no stranger to crowds. It does serve me well during the rest of year shopping in malls and department stores. However, during the holiday season, you need to up your game when it comes to the thrill of the bargain hunt. Here’s my 5step technique to improving your shopper shoving & grabbing skills.

THE SECRET GRAB
Step 1. Eye the prize: When looking for what you want DO NOT be obvious. Treat it like when your girlfriend asks you to nonchalantly look at a cute guy. If you get over-excited and look directly at the prize, you might alert a shopper that’s closer by.
Step 2. Take the angled path: B-lining straight for the product will alert other shoppers to your intended shopping item. So walk in a calm, angled fashion. Go near the product, but not right on top of it. When you are in striking (grabbing) distance, do a gradual turn towards the item in question. Then in a relaxed manner claim your prize.
THE SHOVE FACTOR
Step 3. Shove nicely: The most common misconception of “shopper shoving” is people think it needs to include some ‘tude. WRONG! Always be polite when shoving your way through crowds. Again, you just want to get to the prize, that's all. Pissing someone off will just take vital time away from reaching your goal. While moving through just simply say, “excuse me,” or “oops sorry, my bad,” and be on your merry way.
Step 4. Scoot don’t shove: Don’t bend in, or put your full force into a shove. That will only make the shovee think you’re out for blood, rather than an honest mistake. Instead do a "wiggle scoot" between people. You’ll make much less enemies that way.
Step 5. Hands up: Keeping your hands up while shoving is a sign of submission (that you are just trying the move through the crowd in peace.) It also decreases your surface area making the "wiggle scoot" must easier (see diagram below).

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25 comments:

  1. excellent advice! I like the wiggle scoot diagram. Very insightful :)

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  2. If it's going to be THAT crowded, I prefer to stay home.

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  3. I LOVE the picture. I shall keep your rules in mind tomorrow!

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  4. All good ideas. I'm done shopping now, but I'll remember for next year.

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  5. and people ask me why i like to be done with my shopping before thanksgiving...

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  6. I like to bring my taser along with me to help cut inline at the checkout. Amazing what a little high voltage can do for your wait times.

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  7. Be a fat man wear spandex everyone will avoid you!

    I responded to your comment on my blog if you wanna check it out.

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  8. F*** this s***. Buy stuff early.

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  9. Thank you, the diagram was very helpful. My shopping is done, but I intend to use these hints to get to the buffet on New Year's. :-)

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  10. I absolutely hate driving around this week during the year. It took me 40 minutes to do go to the bank and home which is normally a 15 minute ordeal :|

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  11. I'm going shopping tomorrow and these tips are great for me so thanks for sharing these buddy, excellent stuff. That diagram especially is awesome so thank you very much man.

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  12. ...or receiving training from a New York Giants running back or a SEAL member!

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  13. Most excellent advice! I really hate shopping but I hate large crowds even more!

    I find it hard to be polite when I'm implementing the shove technique!

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  14. thank goodness I already got all my shopping done. lol.

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  15. Its a tough skill to master...but once you do, you're a god

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  16. That's an odd but surprisingly accurate diagram, and solid advice.

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  17. That's good stuff, I hope I never need it.
    I avoid malls and big stores from Thankgiving until the middle of January.

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  18. The wiggle scoot diagram is sheer brilliance. Should be printed on Tshirts...that we'll wear for the day-after-Christmas crowds.

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  19. I don't know if I got it in me to do the wiggle-scoot. But that picture is one that should be posted in stores and malls across the country.

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  20. Excellent advice. Extremely helpful diagram. Thank you so much.

    Love,
    Lola

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