THE PERFECT BITCH SLAP FOR BLACK FRIDAY

Unfortunately my words of wisdom are probably too late for all you die-hard BLACK FRIDAYers. You guys have probably been out since 5am. However, for all you casual shoppers here’s a BITCH SLAP technique tip that will not only reward you with that last item you want, but also minimize injury* (to yourself).

Say you’re in MACY’s and you have-to-have the last Charter Club Plus Size Sweater, Cashmere Crewneck that’s regularly $109.00 – NOW only $49.99!!

You grab for the sweater just as another bitch (customer) does. Here’s how you should slap her hand.

Notice how all the fingers are positioned – splayed and flat.

Here’s the wrong way to slap. 

Awkward finger positioning could cause a thumb sprain or break.

Happy Holiday shopping! Be safe!!!

* - Information provided from the now defunct site shopMama.org, eHow, and Doctor Oz. 

THE WINNING STRATEGY FOR ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS.

Wanna guarantee you never have to call for takeout, or wind up being designated driver for the night? Follow this "can't lose" strategy for the ultimate decision method – ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS.

[courtesy of eHow]

Tip 1. Watch for trends in amateurs. For example most players often switch to what just beat them. They will most likely throw rock after just being beat by rock on the previous play. Throw paper on the next round for a near certain victory.

 

Tip 2. Most amateurs lead with rock, so open with an easy win by starting with paper. 

 

Tip 3. Players will almost never throw the same thing three times in a row. If they throw two papers in a row, throw a rock out there and take that round.

HOW DO PSYCHICS CHOOSE THEIR CRYSTAL BALLS?

by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

In an effort to up my cardio quotient for the day I now walk home from work. It’s a little over a mile. My “creature of habit” like instincts cause me to take the same route home every day. Needless to say I’m getting pretty used to all the storefronts I pass. One of which is Anya’s Live Psychic Readings. I usually see her (Anya) sitting there just stroking her cat. On Thursdays she’s with a friend, enjoying take out – always Chinese food. A thousand questions usually pop in my head about Madam Anya as I pass. How does she make a living? Who are her clients? But, I’d have to say the one that rises to the top time and time again, is how she gets her crystal ball? Was it willed to her by a freaky grandmother with that one white eye? Is there a small, smoky store with lots of beeds and mogwai? Does the stuff she buys need to be blessed by a gypsy? Sorta like a Rabbi blessing Kosher beef. After my date with google I did find psychic supplies are a biz just like anything else. There are a bunch of brick and mortar and online store listings. One of the big ones is crystal-balls.com. It’s a pretty no-nonsense site, with a huge selection of enchanted chotchkies. They have like a zillion crystal balls to choose from with prices in the $10 to $20 range. Plus, they got the other stuff like gems, and cosmic trinkets. So now that I know where they get the stuff, it still didn’t answer the other half of my nagging questiom. How does a psychic choose a ball? Here’s what eHow had to say?

Rule #1: Before touching the crystal balls, stand back and just look at them. See if any of them “call” to you. You should feel drawn to your crystal ball, but this is a difficult feeling to explain.

 

Rule #2: Touch and pick up the crystal balls that have called you. If possible, hold each crystal ball in your hands, close your eyes and meditate with it for a few minutes. Feel its energy.

 

Rule #3: Choose the right size. In general, the bigger the crystal ball, the easier scrying (crystal gazing) will be for you.

 

Rule #4: Examine the clarity of the crystal. Most natural crystals contain bubbles and imperfections within the ball. Psychics, however, disagree on whether imperfections are a hindrance to scrying. Some psychics prefer a totally clear, flawless ball because they feel it brings them the clearest visions. Others consider a flawless ball to be somewhat dead.

 

Rule #5: Choose the proper stand for your crystal ball. Many come with a standard little wooden stand, or you can purchase one separately. Make sure the stand fits the crystal ball. If you do not have a stand for your crystal ball, it will roll around and distract you from your visions.

HELP NWM! I’M A HAIRY MAN WHO CAN’T SHAVE HIS NECK PROPERLY WITH AN ELECTRIC RAZOR.

I can totally relate. As I move on in years, I find that I too am the victim of abnormal hair growth in odd areas. For one thing, I am pretty much hairless on my chest, except for one patch of growth (in the top middle quadrant) that seems to grow like wildfire. It looks like a hairy tumbleweed sitting in a vast, open fleshy desert. In short, I look like a Jewish Gollum. Sorry ladies, in case your wondering (after that mental picture) all 38 years of me is off the "Singles" market. But I digress, the neck has always proved to be a challenging area for most men. However, if you tweak your technique and abide by some of these tips you can pretty much eliminate this problem.

[courtesy of eHow]

Tip 1. If you can, buy a razor with a flexible, rotating head (good for odd angle shaving).

Tip 2. Before shaving, soften the hairs and open the pores by taking a hot shower.

Tip 3. When shaving, rotate your razor in quick circular motions.

Tip 4. Press firmly on the razor, but don’t hurt yourself.

Tip 5. As you move up the neck, pull the skin taught to expose more of those pesky hairs.