FUN WITH BLACK TAR HEROIN & VIAGRA

IMPOTENT, DRUGGIE SUPERHERO KILLS STREET TOUGHS WITH A DEAD CAT.

When I was a kid (in the late 70s) I remember reading comic books that had Batman fighting his arch nemesis, the Penguin. Now I’m sure some Freudian could’ve drawn perverted parallels between the Penguin’s umbrella weapon and a penis. Though you’d really have to look long and hard (sorry) to get that hidden message. I mean the comic books I read then were for kids of all ages. 

Can’t really say that about any of the super hero books today. Especially if you thumb through the issue JUSTICE LEAGUE – RISE OF THE ARSENAL #3. Here’s just some of the f'd up freakiness you’ll find. 

Pg. 8 – Red Arrow tries to have sex with his ex-wife and experiences performance anxiety (can't get it up).

Pg. 13 – Red Arrow beats a bunch of street toughs to a pulp trying to get drugs. Once they are out for the count our hero tries to score heroin from the same dealer. 

Pg. 14 – Red Arrow freebases off what looks like an iPad.

Pg. 20- 21 – Red Arrow comes down from his “heroin” high only to realize he's beat the living crap out of a bunch of gang members with a dead cat.

Don’t want to give the rest away, but you can pick up JUSTICE LEAGUE – RISE OF THE ARSENAL #3 at your local comic book store now.

HEROIN CHIC SHOPPING FOR DUMMIES

The CK Heroin Chic look has kinda fallen out of style since the 90s. No more Kate Moss wannabes (except for young B-list celebs). More and more models like Heidi Klum, Tyra Banks, Lady Gaga, and Gisele Bündchen have a bit more meat on their bones. Great news if you’re a young teen looking for role models today. Bad news if you’re trying to buy a gift for someone who might have an unorthodox eating or narcotic habit.

HOW CAN I TELL IF THE PERSON I AM BUYING A GIFT FOR IS HEROIN CHIC?

Physical signs you should look for are as follows…

• Waif type body
• Pale skin
• Dark circles underneath the eyes
• Glazed look
• Jutting facial bones

WHEN BUYING FOR A HEROIN CHIC PERSON YOU SHOULD…

• Shop in the size zero to one section.
• Not buy anything too clingy or with a bare back
• Not buy anything with giant polka dots
• Look for layered or fluffy fabrics.
• Avoid vertical lines.
• Add boots to the ensemble.

SO WHERE CAN I BUY HEROIN CHIC STUFF?

Actually it’s now called Boho-chic (short for Bohemian). The style now has morphed into a hippie, dirty, hobo look. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen lead the way with their line OLSENBOYE at JC Penny.

BONUS: HEROIN MAKE-UP TUTORIAL