JEDI FIGHTING TECHNIQUES.

HOW TO PERFORM A FAKE, YET CONVINCING BITCH SLAP.

An effective, yet totally safe way to keep your street cred.

Step 1. Pick a confidant (someone you trust that won’t squeal.)

Step 2. Stage the “bitch slap” a wee distance from the group.

Step 3. Make sure you and your bitch slappee have enough distance between you so you’re hand won’t make contact (3ft should do the trick).

Step 4. Stare down your partner in a convincing way.

Step 5. Pre-determine a sarcastic remark he can say before you bitch slap him.

Step 6. Keep both hands at your sides. Then lift your bitch slap hand up to the side of your head with your elbow bent at a 90º degree angle.

Step 7. Swing your hand at the bitch slappee while lifting your other hand to the other side of the face.

Step 8. As your had slightly misses the person’s face it will connect with the other hand and make a clapping noise.

Step 9. Make sure the bitch slappee reacts in a convincing fashion. 

BOTCHED BITCH SLAP.

WHO’D WIN IN A BAR FIGHT: ROCKFORD OR ROGER?

JAMES ROCKFORD:

• Nickname: “Jim or Jimmy”
  
• Profession: Private Investigator
  
• Age: 81
  
• Height: 6’ 1 ½”
  
• Weight: 228 lbs
  
• Arm Reach: 78”
  
• Skills: Weapons specialist, hand-to-hand combat training
  

ROGER FEDERER:

• Age: 28
  
• Nickname: Federer Express
  
• Profession: Tennis Player
  
• Height: 6’ 1”
  
• Weight: 177 lbs.
  
• Arm Reach: 80”
  
• Skills: World class athlete with a 135 mph serve

Final Outcome: SPLIT DECISION

Roger has the edge when it comes to age, strength and agility. Rockford has the slight advantage with fighting technique and use of blunt weapons (broken bottle, chair, etc.)

WHO’D WIN IN A BAR FIGHT: GEORGE JETSON OR GEORGE JEFFERSON?

JETSON:

• Age: 47
• Height: 5’ 9”
• Weight: 185 lbs
• Arm Length: 68”
• Skills: Joined the army for an episode. Went toe to toe with Astro and Cogswell’s Cogs.
  

JEFFERSON:

• Age: 71
• Height: 5’ 6”
• Weight: 158 lbs.
• Arm Length: 66”
• Skills: Boxed in the navy. Lived in NY, in the 70s.

Winner: JETSON (age, height & reach being deciding factors.)

LATE NIGHT FIGHTS: CAT vs. DOG