TIPS FOR NON-JEWS ON HOW TO FILL OUT A BAR MITZVAH CARD

Next to pet sympathy cards, I’d say Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah cards are one of the more difficult ones to fill out. Just to bring you up to speed, a Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah is a celebration of reaching adulthood. Not unlike being eligible to drive.

• You need to be a certain age: 13
• You need to take a test: Reading Torah portion in front of relatives & friends.

THE GIFT...

First off it’s usually customary to give money at these things. So buy one of those BM cards with a check holder in it. The card will probably have a Jewish star and a congratulations phrase on it like Mazel Tov (Good Luck). As far as a proper sign off goes, here are 8 “can’t miss” options with a smidge of appropriate humor.

1. Great job on your portion!!! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
2. Congrats!!! You’re officially an adult. Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
3. Looks like the practicing paid off!! Love Mr. & Mrs. Smith
4. Congrats on your special day!!! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
5. Loved the candy cart!!! Congrats!! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
6. Great job chanting! Mazel Tov! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
7. What? No Matzo? Congrats! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
8. Totally nailed your portion!!! Mazel Tov! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith

BITCHIN’ BAR MITZVAH CAKE OF THE DAY

The sweetest part of becoming a Jewish man or woman – aside from the abnormal hair growth. Mother Mousse bakery (in Staten Island, NY) offers all types of decadent delights for the ultimate Jewish celebration of puberty. Their full sheet cake serves 80 to 100. You can choose from all types of fillings like chocolate mouse, cannoli, Capuccino Mousse, Vanilla Fudge Mousse and more. Each cake creation is also topped with a sweet creamy frosting, plus garnished with either chocolate dipped strawberries or fresh flowers. Cost: $149. Click here for more info.

BITCHIN’ BAR MITZVAH CAKE OF THE DAY.

Courtesy of the cake creatives at A Sweet Design bakery (in Ganada Hills, CA). FYI…they have over 17 cream and jam fillings including: Bavarian chocolate chip, Lemon Mousse and Champagne cream.

TIPS FOR NON-JEWS ON HOW TO FILL OUT A BAR MITZVAH CARD.

by One Hungry Jew (NWM Staff Writer)

Next to pet sympathy cards, I’d say Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah cards are one of the more difficult ones to fill out. Just to bring you up to speed, a Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah is a celebration of reaching adulthood. Not unlike being eligible to drive.

• You need to be a certain age: 13
  
• You need to take a test: Reading Torah portion in front of relatives & friends.
  

THE GIFT...

First off it’s usually customary to give money at these things. So buy one of those BM cards with a check holder in it. The card will probably have a Jewish star and a congratulations phrase on it like Mazel Tov (Good Luck). As far as a proper sign off goes, here are 8 “can’t miss” options with a smidge of appropriate humor.

1. Great job on your portion!!! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
   
2. Congrats!!! You’re officially an adult. Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
   
3. Looks like the practicing paid off!! Love Mr. & Mrs. Smith
   
4. Congrats on your special day!!! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
   
5. Loved the candy cart!!! Congrats!! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
   
6. Great job chanting! Mazel Tov! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
   
7. What? No Matzo? Congrats! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
   
8. Totally nailed your portion!!! Mazel Tov! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith

IF YOU’RE A JEW BORN IN THE 70s I WILL BLOW YOUR BAR MITZVAH LACED MIND.

Listen, read and remember...

Band Leader:

"We’d like to call cousins ____&_____ to light the first candle!"

"Next up we want to call up Aunt ______ & Uncle ________ to light the next candle!"

"Now we’d like to have grandma _______ & grandpa _______ to light a candle!"

And you know how the rest goes.