Thursday, March 15, 2012

TIPS FOR NON-JEWS ON HOW TO FILL OUT A BAR MITZVAH CARD


Next to pet sympathy cards, I’d say Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah cards are one of the more difficult ones to fill out. Just to bring you up to speed, a Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah is a celebration of reaching adulthood. Not unlike being eligible to drive.
  • You need to be a certain age: 13
  • You need to take a test: Reading Torah portion in front of relatives & friends.

THE GIFT...
First off it’s usually customary to give money at these things. So buy one of those BM cards with a check holder in it. The card will probably have a Jewish star and a congratulations phrase on it like Mazel Tov (Good Luck). As far as a proper sign off goes, here are 8 “can’t miss” options with a smidge of appropriate humor.
  1. Great job on your portion!!! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  2. Congrats!!! You’re officially an adult. Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  3. Looks like the practicing paid off!! Love Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  4. Congrats on your special day!!! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  5. Loved the candy cart!!! Congrats!! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  6. Great job chanting! Mazel Tov! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  7. What? No Matzo? Congrats! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  8. Totally nailed your portion!!! Mazel Tov! Love, Mr. & Mrs. Smith

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18 comments:

  1. That reminds me of my friends artwork!

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  2. i like it - its like a piece of naive art :)

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  3. A BM card (bowel movement)? And what do I do if my name isn't Mr. and Mrs. Smith? I'm so confused.

    Love,
    Janie

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  4. This would be so awkward for me.

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  5. My people have Quinceaneras. They are awful. Old men feeling it's okay to hit on young girls because they turned 15, which means they are women and fair game.

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  6. I thought this was the circumcision one, that would be awkward!

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  7. I really had no idea what Mazel Tov meant.

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  8. Haha thanks so much for these tips buddy, I'll make sure to remember them next time I end up at one of these!

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  9. As long as they have that bread that tastes like wine, and some Manischewitz, I'm down.

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  10. I'll remember this should I make any Jew friends in the future.

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  11. I got drunk once on Manischewitz -- does that count?

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  12. or Congrats on being 13 and passing a test!

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  13. very useful post...and cheers for the blog of the day shout

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  14. Oh woooow, I love how stereotypically Jewish guilt number 7's all about~!

    ON THE OTHER HAND, I do find this post informative~! Hell, I knew OF Bar Mitzvahs (I am originally from Southern California, you can't go very far without learning about that or a Quinsenietta or however it's spelled...), but I never realized you needed to bring a card or somethin'. I mean I know you gotta bring GIFTS, but a card?

    Huh! Good info, bro. One never knows when such can be handy, y'know?

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