MUTANT MATZO BALL MERVE & SAM by copyboy

ALLOW ME TO REVEAL WHAT MAKES ME THE BIGGEST WIMP ON THE PLANET.

I have read ‘bout a zillion personal blogs in the past year. All really good stuff. Yet I can still say without a doubt that I have actually blogged about something you won’t read anywhere else. I make this claim ‘cause I know no one would waste their keyboard strokes on a topic so pathetic. Most personal bloggers devote their creative energies to venting about something meaningful. Talking about their kid. Speaking of an achievement. Goofing on work, or whatever. I’m not saying that what I have to say is any better. Far from it. I’m just saying you will never read a blogger BRAGGING ABOUT HOW HE OR SHE HAS NO PAIR OF MATZO BALLS (cajones). Well allow me to break that baby-barrier today. For I have truly elevated wimpiness to an art form. And here is my prime example. 

Let’s say I’m at a bar shooting pool with my friends.

All the sudden it’s my turn.

Now I have a totally easy shot.

However the problem is a couple is standing right where I have to shoot. Here’s where the uber-wimpy part comes in.

 First, I’ll go right behind the couple (never making eye contact) and in a barely audible voice softly say, “Oops, I mean, I er need to, um…well, er.”

That almost always accomplishes nothing. So rather than growing a set and tapping one of ‘em on the shoulder, I usually do one of 2 things…

Try to wedge in between the couple and the table and make the shot with no room…

OR I’ll shoot from another angle and miss completely.

To me, it doesn’t get any more wimpy than that. Does it? You tell me if you can beat it.   

MUTANT MATZO BALL MERVE & SAM by Biz-Boy

PARIS HILTON’S FAVORITE KOSHER DELI IS…

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

Pico Kosher Deli in LA. I got this from a pretty reliable source. A girlfriend of mine that lives out on the west coast. Let’s call her Ellen Lipshitz for argument sake. She’s been dating this guy on and off. Let’s just say his name is Sheldon Goldschmidt, and he’s in rabbinical school. Personally, I think they make a very cute couple. A little flighty together, but who isn't these days. Anyway, she says that their favorite place for deli in LA is Pico’s. Ellen swears they’ve got the leanest corned beef, and pastrami you’d kaplatz over. She also told me that they have indeed spotted none other than Paris Hilton there on occasion. Usually she’s in the back corner with a guy or gal pal. Right underneath the black and white (autographed) photo of Jerry Orbach. Ellen also says that Ms. Paris is a creature of habit. Every time she’s there she orders the same thing – chicken matzo ball soup, with a square potato knish and an open-faced turkey sandwich (gravy on the side). Paris does however, change up her drink order. Sometimes she’ll go for seltzer with lime. While other times it’s a Dr. Brown’s Cream soda. No word on what her dog Tinkerbell eats. Ellen also said she saw Pauly Shore once, picking up take out.