Friday, July 30, 2010

ALLOW ME TO REVEAL WHAT MAKES ME THE BIGGEST WIMP ON THE PLANET.


I have read ‘bout a zillion personal blogs in the past year. All really good stuff. Yet I can still say without a doubt that I have actually blogged about something you won’t read anywhere else. I make this claim ‘cause I know no one would waste their keyboard strokes on a topic so pathetic. Most personal bloggers devote their creative energies to venting about something meaningful. Talking about their kid. Speaking of an achievement. Goofing on work, or whatever. I’m not saying that what I have to say is any better. Far from it. I’m just saying you will never read a blogger BRAGGING ABOUT HOW HE OR SHE HAS NO PAIR OF MATZO BALLS (cajones). Well allow me to break that baby-barrier today. For I have truly elevated wimpiness to an art form. And here is my prime example. 

Let’s say I’m at a bar shooting pool with my friends.


All the sudden it’s my turn.

Now I have a totally easy shot.


However the problem is a couple is standing right where I have to shoot. Here’s where the uber-wimpy part comes in.



 First, I’ll go right behind the couple (never making eye contact) and in a barely audible voice softly say, “Oops, I mean, I er need to, um…well, er.”
That almost always accomplishes nothing. So rather than growing a set and tapping one of ‘em on the shoulder, I usually do one of 2 things…

Try to wedge in between the couple and the table and make the shot with no room…

OR I’ll shoot from another angle and miss completely.

To me, it doesn’t get any more wimpy than that. Does it? You tell me if you can beat it.   

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14 comments:

  1. I prefer to "accidentally" whack 'em upside their heads with the stick, simultaneously making the shot. It's a bit less wimpy and alot more therapeutic.
    xo

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  2. That is pretty wimpy I must admit. This is what I do that is wimpy. I don't smoke and I hate cigarette smoke cuz I used to have athsma BUT! whenever a smoker asks me, "is it cool if I smoke?" I always say, "that's cool.". That makes me a wimp.

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  3. Well, I'd say you have HUGE cajones to be admitting your wimpy tendencies! LOL!!!!!

    Seriously LOVE the stick figure drawings!!!! Classics!!!

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  4. I think that chick in the drawing was pretty hot for a stick figure. But she might have an eating disorder or something. Anyway, I'd just get in between her and the table and gently "butt" her skinny ass out of my way.

    Love your drawings...
    Great ost also...

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  5. That is pretty wimpy.
    Thanks for the illustrated explanation - it really brought it together for me ;)

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  6. I would of gave the guy a little tap tap between his legs to get his attention.

    And yes you are a pussy..lol

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  7. Sorry, I was distracted by the word balls and the stick figz.

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  8. I'm a stick poker...But I take my game serious, it used to pay the bills..well the beer at the bar bills that is.... The middle guy in the first picture's arm bothers me, I'm not an orthopedic surgeon though, but I submit my opinion that he should have it looked at.

    ...And I think you are a genius...just sayn'

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  9. Sounds a lot like me. Inside though I'd be screaming at them to move and picturing myself whacking them with the pool cue.

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  10. LOL! The illustrations just make that story. See, if you were not a whimp then you would not have told that entertaining story for the blog world...see "whimp" is a good thing. :)

    Cheers!

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  11. Why isn't there a Mr. Morita figure for grown-up wimps (I'm one sometimes too). You could use that pool cue like a kendo stick!

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  12. Nice read I used to be like that as well , I have since learned to tell people to get the hell out my way or this crazy Penguins gonna bust a pool cue over your head.

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  13. I'm totally wimpy too, you're not alone!

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