GUESS THE SKIN RASH

I start out as random raised red spots. Quickly I progress to bursting blisters and open sores. I usually begin in the scalp, then I work my way down to the arms and legs. I am attracted to sunburns, eczema and even diaper rash. I am extremely itchy. What am I?

Click here for answer.

10 SICK SIGNS TO WATCH FOR BEFORE YOUR KID SITS ON SANTA’S LAP

‘Tis the season for kids to get all pumped up to sit on some creepy old guy’s lap and tell him what they desire most. On the plus side, malls do provide a freshly laundered costume. On the negative side, they usually don’t screen or test perspective Santas for highly contagious diseases. But have no fear, one New York Jew is going to save Christmas by providing you with life-saving, sick Santa signs you should be on the look out for. 

Check for …

- Red bumps on Santa’s exposed skin.

- Santa intensely itching his waist or groin area.

- Sesame seed size brownish grey lice bugs crawling all over Santa.

Make sure Santa does NOT have…

- A dry cough.

- The chills (in a well heated area).

- Breathing difficulties.

- Muscle aches.

Look for…

- Round red irritated patches on Santa’s skin.

- A rash on Santa’s scalp, legs, or elbows.

- An abundance of dandruff on Santa’s real hair.

BEST CURE FOR SWAMP ASS AND MONKEY BUTT

Laugh all you want lady bloggers, but nearly 5.2 million men deal with these 2 afflictions every day.  I myself tested positive for Swamp Ass in college and my early twenties. And if you think it can’t happen to your man you’re dead wrong. Studies have shown that kept men are 9 times more susceptible to these diseases than single men. In fact, your significant other might have SA or MB at this very moment and you’d never know ‘til it’s too late. 

WHY MEN?

There are two major reasons why the male species are prone to these diseases:

• Abnormal hair growth in and around the buttocks region.
• Laziness when it comes to wiping after #2.

KNOW THE SIGNS OF SWAMP ASS & MONKEY BUTT.

You should probably refrain from engaging in any sort of foreplay or heavy petting if you notice the following symptoms:

• Frequent itching or picking of the butt area.
• Squirming in seat.
• Ungodly smell.

ONLY KNOWN CURE.

At stage 4 of Swamp Ass or Monkey Butt toilet paper will NOT be of any help. Without getting too graphic, just know the TP will only stick to the problem…not wipe it away. The only surefire cure are baby wipes. These medicated, moist towelettes not only remove all excrement, but will also greatly reduce the smell by 60%. My top 2 Wipies picks are...

Cottonelle Fresh Folded Moist Wipes Refill 84: Stings the least, and leaves your ass smelling morning fresh. $6.99 @ Amazon.

Purell Instant Sanitizer Wipes: Stings a bit more than the C-wipes. However these puppies are laced with a germ killing formula. Which is a plus when it comes to preventing the rash that plagues us after the excess poo is exorcised from our butt. Pack of 240 wipes goes for $34.98 on Amazon. 

GUESS THE SKIN RASH

I'm usually more popular in the summertime. I might appear if you sweat a lot after exercising. I tend to affect very young kids and older adults. I can be identified by a red cluster of pimples. I usually hang out near the groin, upper chest, or underneath breasts. What am I?


Answer in comment area.

GUESS THE SKIN RASH.

I usually appear as a singular, pinkish-red bump. You can find me hanging out almost anywhere on the body. I am caused by an infection of hair follicles. I am usually filled with a yellowish, oozy pus. What am I?

Answer: Boil

Solution:
Apply a warm compress to the boil. This will eventually help the boil come to a head and burst (similar to a zit). Resist the urge to lance it. You'd probably wind up making it worse.

GUESS THE SKIN RASH.

I am swollen red bumps that appear on the skin as a result of a reaction from allergies. I can even be brought on by stress. I also cause itching, burning and stinging. My official medical name is Urticaria. What am i?

HIVES

What should you do?

See your local doctor. Most likely he’ll prescribe antihistamines or over the counter topical creams.