FOR THE COST OF 1 BOOB JOB I COULD GET 4 FREAK SURGERIES.

by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

No joke. In 2010 beauty still trumps freak, and I can prove it. Say I want to get my boobs done by a reputable surgeon. That's gonna cost me somewhere in the neighborhood of 8K. Where if I was going the bizarre body modification route I could get 4 surgeries for that same price. Here's the rundown of what I could surgically alter on my face and head for bargain bucks.

FACIAL TOUNGUE SPLITTING: Patient’s tongue is divided 3cm to 5 cm to give a more snake-like appearance. Average cost $2K.

EAR POINTING: A wedge of the ear is removed, then stitched together to produce an elf-like effect. Price $1,800.

EYEBALL JEWELRY: Ocular surgery that adds a decorative platinum implant inserted under a thin membrane in the eye. English: Doctors glue jewelry to your eyeball. Average cost $1200.

3D IMPLANTS: Inserting objects (made of titanium, silicone, teflon or steel) beneath the skin to form shapes. The most common usage is to create the appearance of horns. Cost 600 bucks.

J LO ASS SURGERY PROCEDURE PERFECTED…WHEW!

by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

Women who have been less than bootyicious all of their lives now have a new surgical option. Goodbye plain old buttock implant augmentation, hello Brazilian Butt Lift. This incredible groundbreaking procedure will literally transform your flat butt into a JLO-esque work of booty art.

BBL BASICS:

Essentially you get two surgeries for the price of one. They lipo the fat out of your abdomen and do multiple injections into your butt. The tush is also lipoed to give it a properly contoured, sexy booty shape.

Average price for J LipO: $16000-$18000