A DOUCHEY DID YOU KNOW: SPECIAL REPORT

Yours truly is the culprit. Granted I have immediately corrected my arrogant ways, but not before satisfying my douchebag quota. So what is it? I guess once you hear you might not think it’s that bad. In fact you might think it resides lame territory. But I assure you it is douchey.

CHRIST! WHAT IS IT ALREADY? THE SUSPENSE IS SORTA, NOT REALLY KILLING US.

It started with my purchase a couple of months ago – THE IPAD.

Yes, I shelled out $XXX for this glorified Etch-A-Sketch. Though I admit it is pretty cool. Can’t tell you why I needed it. I guess I’m under Steve Job’s i-spell. So anyhow, here’s the douchey part. The ipad has an email app. And when you create an email it looks something like this.

Just in case you still haven’t solved my douchey dilemma I arrowed it. True, when you send an email from an iphone it basically the says the same thing (minus the “ipad” part). The difference is iphones are much more commonplace. While ipads are still kind of a status toy. So the decent thing for me to have done would’ve been to erase the i-tag when sending my e-messages. However deep down I guess I really did want people to know I owned one. Hence the douche label. Now you see where I’m coming from? Or am I douche for making you read this...on a Monday?

TOM SELLECK IS NOSTRADAMUS (THE GOOD VERSION).

The time, 1993. AT&T sets out to prove it’s not just a phone company with a fancier name than its folksy ancestor Bell Atlantic. They wanted to give us a glimpse of the AT&T telecommunication future. Good reasons why we will be more than willing to shell out more for our phone bills. The idea? An ad campaign appropriately titled “You Will”. The spots were directed by David Fincher (Zodiac and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button) and narrated by Tom Selleck. The incredible part is these commercials are from 1993. Before Al Gore creates the internet and Steve Jobs designs his i-stuff. It’s crazy freaky how many predictions actually came true. And it's not just the big stuff. They also nailed the little, convenient day-to-day technologies. Unfortunately, even though AT&T gets the blue ribbon for predicting, they kinda fell short in the producing category. As you will see, they were not "the company that will bring it to you" in most cases.

3.1 MEANS I’M ABOUT TO GO MEDIEVAL ON MY IPHONE – AGAIN!

by Greg Colfaz (NWM Staff Writer)

Hi again, from Cottonwood Idaho. Just caught the apple keynote on my laptop. Definitely happy to see Steve is back in black on stage. What I’m not so happy about is his announcement. Yet again we are being treated to another iPhone update. This one has a bunch of new features like…

- app recommendations

- wireless ringtone download

- organize apps on virtual itune screens (huh?)

- Genius mixing for playlists (double huh?)

- better playback of videos

Now I have zero issues with these planned updates. They excite the consumer to buy more stuff, lots of love for Apple – so is the circle of marketing life. I get it. My problem is I can never update my %^$%^ iPhone without it crashing a cajillion times! Probably due to the fact that I have a very, very old PC laptop. And we all know how well Macs and PCs get along. See I wouldn’t care about any issue if I had one of those Apple store Genius bars near me. Of course I don’t. The nearest one is over in Bellevue – Washington! Conveniently located one state over. I have to stew in update hell all by myself. My one saving grace is NOW, I actually have the ability to act on my iphone rage. I am the proud owner of Otterbox Defender Series iPhone Armor. The toughest case on the planet. It renders my iphone, dustproof, dirtproof, sandproof and yes, my personal favorite ­– DROP-PROOF! So I can torture my evil, vindictive, non-updating, crashing, frozen iPhone – and not have to deal with the 3 hour drive of shame. Yahtzee!

Click here to order Outterbox armor.

See the Otterbox armor defend the iPhone from a puppy mauling.