BEST JEANS FOR POCKET PING PONG

Ooo, I forgot to tell you. Totally slipped my mind to let you know I bested my personal record. I wore shorts to work all the way up until Tues, October 5^th. 

I work in advertising. So our bonus isn’t 6 figures of FU money. Instead we get to wear what we want, whenever. Totally a fair trade off. Right?

Anyhow, now that I have just entered into jean mode I’m experiencing what I like to call TESTICULAR POSITIONING ISSUES. Shorts gave ‘em freedom to roam. If there was a problem I’d simply shove my hands in, and pocket ping pong them into position. 

Not so with dungarees. Things are a bit more cramped so sometimes they are pushed a bit too close to the thigh area. To me, that makes walking a bit awkward. And if I try to adjust I immediately get noticed (and judged). Of course that was 2009. 2010 I have the pleasure of wearing LEVIS Silver Tab jeans. Pants that are made with way more room for a discrete game of P ping pong. 

Here are the stitch stats…

Slightly tapered legs.

Deep wide pockets (perfect for poing-ponging)

Generous fit in the seat and thigh.

Zip fly with button closure.

18" back rise.

19" leg opening.

100% cotton.

Go grab a pair at Zappos for only $54

FYI…My testicles usually veer to the left. Which leaves me no choice but to do a southwestern two-finger scoop method...if you care.

IF YOU HAD TO KILL AND EAT A YO GABBA GABBA CREATURE, WHICH ONE WOULD IT BE?

You’ll note I said creature. There’s not a chance I’d eat DJ Lance. That’d be pure savagery. So back to the “EATING A YO GABBA GABBA” scenario.

Imagine if you will a giant room. In this room is one of these Russian mafia kingpins. And this is what he says to you…

IVAN: So, we ready to deal?

YOU: Yes, I’d like to…

IVAN: Time for you to speak is over! You shut up and listen! The deal is this. I erase all your gambling debts. You will owe me nothing more.

YOU: That’s great, what do I need…

IVAN: Quiet! I'm not finished. I erase all debts if you do dis one thing for me. You must eat one of these…these things (points to a large red curtain). NOW Yuri!

The curtain drops. You see all the YO GABBA GABBA characters chained up.

YOU: Christ almighty.

IVAN: Plan is simple. You kill and eat one with a knife. I record the whole thing. I sell it on DVD and make millions. You get your freedom. I get rich. We all win. Now choose.

SO WHO’S IT GONNA BE? Muno, Foofa, Brobee, Toodee and Plex

Give up? The answer is pretty simple. I’ll even show my work.

PLEX: No way can you digest a robot. PASS.

TOODEE: The meat of cat-like creatures are extremely hard to chew.

FOOFA: Pretty sure it’s a female and it looks very human. NOT.

BROBEE: My runner-up. It looks like a cross between a zebra and a chicken. I just wouldn’t be a fan of the hair getting stuck between my teeth.

MUNO: Winner – Looks like the result of a lobster and squid mating. If the Russian czar would allow it, I’d steam Muno up and enjoy it with some melted butter.

Delish? Or am I wrong?

FYI…this DVD is available on Amazon for only $12.99

GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME

I’ll skip the foreplay and get right to it. For all you new peeps, here’s the best way (in my mind) to trap, torture, and eventually kill boredom – THE GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME. 

The rules are easy. In the search area type in part of a statement or question. Then simply let Google finish it off. Here are some uber-odd examples.

BECAUSE I SUCK OFF THE TEAT OF MOMMY BLOGGERS…

…I figured I’d offer you something in return. Oh and by “teat,” I mean of course that I feel honored to be part of your groups. Though understandably some might view me as that weird, freaky, creepy uncle that constantly mumbles to himself. 

Nevertheless, as my gift to you, I figured I’d give you a heads up about the 2011 Social Media Conferences for Mom Bloggers.

Here are two conventions going on in January:

FoodBlogSouth 
January 22, 2011 in Birmingham, Alabama

Blissdom 2011 January 27-28, 2011 in Nashville, Tennessee at the Opryland Hotel 
(Wisdom Workshops on January 26)

For a full rundown of upcoming meetings go to: bloggeruniversity.momcentral.com

BTW….

Is it “suck on the teat?” or “suck off the teat?” 

BITCHIN’ CAR AIR FRESHENER OF THE DAY

Begs the question as to what the scent would be. I’m thinking winter pine with a hint of hazelnut. Thoughts?

Goes for only $2.99 @ Blue Q®.

FUN WITH BLACK TAR HEROIN

Look for our new iPhone game just in time for the holiday season!!!

DEEP FRIED DELICIOUS PIZZA?

Wish I could take credit for this food find, but Brooklyn Heights blog takes the cake (or rather the pie). They did a post about this slice of heaven available at the Chip Shop (in Brooklyn, NY). 

Apparently the restaurant has evolved their use of English beer batter breading (usually reserved for fish ‘n chips). The head chef Randy Carpenter fries up everything from Twix® bars, Snickers®, 3 types of fish, shrimp, and yes, Pizza. You can get a deep fried deep-dish slice of pepperoni with cheese (pictured above) for only $3.50.

FYI…they also have something called the Spotted Dick with Custard for $5. No joke.

Witness how the magic happens…