Sunday, February 5, 2012


In one of my last Super Bowl posts (about spray cheese) I spoke of the differences between a party with married couples as compared to college-age kids (guys). Obviously if you factor wives into the equation it will be a somewhat civilized experience. The latter I'm afraid will literally be like Thunderdome (view Mad Max3 for definition). A prime example of this is when you get up to go to the bathroom during the game.

If it’s the husband and wives situation, you’ll get your seat back when you return. No one’s going to deny you and your significant other much needed PDA time during a major sporting event. If it’s the latter (and you have a prime view of the game) you could lose your seat depending on the type of friends you keep. That is UNLESS you do one of two things.

#1 – CALL IT.

This situation is similar to calling shotgun to guarantee the frontpassenger seat before entering a vehicle. Only in this case you are looking to keep the seat you have when you return from the bathroom. Unfortunately, I only know the proper procedure for the tri-state area (NY, NJ & CT). “keeping your seat” laws may differ in other parts of the country.

What you need to do before taking a leak...
When you have everyone’s attention recite the following phrase in an authoritative manner…
“HEY assholes! I’m going to take a leak. I call one-five on my seat.”
You can vary the curse words you use (fartknockers, d*ckheads, f*ckfaces, etc.) The most important part of the statement is the 1-5 part. That essentially is the couch version of shotgun. Alas, I could not find the origin of the code, but I do know (from experience) it is respected in my area. If you are unsure of the couch reserve code in your neck of the woods, simply ask the party host before the game to avoid confusion.


Seems like quite the daunting task after you've had 8 to 10 brews. Not so if you have a modern miracle like the NEW Travel John. When you feel the need to relieve yourself simply unzip, use, seal and your done! It's that easy! The Travel John features…
  • Biodegradable polymer that’s spill proof and odorless
  • Puncture resistant pouch with spill guard to prevent back flow
  • Unisex design
  • No clean-up required, simply throw away
  • Only 27 bucks for a pack of 18.
  • Compact and lightweight for optimal ease-of-use while standing or sitting
  • Hygienic, non-toxic and waste disposal safe
  • Order now for only $26.29 (@ AllegroMedical)

PLEASE NOTE: This product is ONLY to be used for #1 not #2.


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  1. I don't think I'd be comfortable using the Travel John in front of company so I'd just, I don't know maybe hold it in or something!

  2. $26.29????? Are you nuts, man? Just use a piss jug like the long-haul truckers do. Any old empty milk jug will work plus it holds 4 liters. Think of all the beer you'd have to drink to fill it!

  3. 1-5, thats a new one on me. it`s going to get used.

  4. I think I'm grateful my wife will be present during the game tonight. And it's my house. Owner calls the shots!

  5. I think there are people who would rather piss their pants but I don't think there are many people who would whip it out and do it right there into a bag.

  6. You could do like the stalking astronaut and get you some Depends.

  7. Thanks, I'm now picturing my family peeing in bags in the living room while we watch the game!

  8. It's got to be the Travel John!

  9. When I and my fellow Hooligans hang out, there's a place for everyone and everyone respects the seat a man has claimed.

    It's a belief, a founding philosophy of our crew that a dudes' (or dudettes') personal space needs to be respected and valued. Unless it's time to brawl or ball, y'knowwhatImean?

    Seriously, violating a persons' personal space is a direct, willful action and we're all the jumpy type. Me and my homeboy, Ace, are two of the jumpiest. I'm already one of the nastiest dudes to rumble with, but Ace? That motherfucker has cannons for legs.

    So yeaaaaah, we tend not to do anything more then curse and snarl en masse, just get generally loud and rowdy whilst playin' the vidyuh, watchin' movies, hanging out somewhere or whatever have you - but despite our looks, we're actually very respectful.

    Listening to us, especially me, you'd think otherwise.

  10. Travel John for long drives...great idea, might also work while waiting at the DMV! Parckers weren't playing so I lost interest early. Somehow I knew the Giants were going to win.

  11. I don't watch programs with a group of people. I avoid groups. They give me a headache. I grew up in a big family. It sucked shit.



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