SHOULD YOU PISS YOURSELF OR LOSE YOUR SUPER BOWL SEAT?

In one of my last Super Bowl posts (about spray cheese) I spoke of the differences between a party with married couples as compared to college-age kids (guys). Obviously if you factor wives into the equation it will be a somewhat civilized experience. The latter I'm afraid will literally be like Thunderdome (view Mad Max3 for definition). A prime example of this is when you get up to go to the bathroom during the game.

If it’s the husband and wives situation, you’ll get your seat back when you return. No one’s going to deny you and your significant other much needed PDA time during a major sporting event. If it’s the latter (and you have a prime view of the game) you could lose your seat depending on the type of friends you keep. That is UNLESS you do one of two things.

#1 – CALL IT.

This situation is similar to calling shotgun to guarantee the front passenger seat before entering a vehicle. Only in this case you are looking to keep the seat you have when you return from the bathroom. Unfortunately, I only know the proper procedure for the tri-state area (NY, NJ & CT). “keeping your seat” laws may differ in other parts of the country.

What you need to do before taking a leak...

When you have everyone’s attention recite the following phrase in an authoritative manner…

“HEY assholes! I’m going to take a leak. I call one-five on my seat.”

You can vary the curse words you use (fartknockers, d*ckheads, f*ckfaces, etc.) The most important part of the statement is the 1-5 part. That essentially is the couch version of shotgun. Alas, I could not find the origin of the code, but I do know (from experience) it is respected in my area. If you are unsure of the couch reserve code in your neck of the woods, simply ask the party host before the game to avoid confusion.

#2– NEVER LEAVE THE COUCH TO PISS.

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PLEASE NOTE: This product is ONLY to be used for #1 not #2.

GO SAINTS (AND COLTS)!!!