IF YOU’RE GOING TO SPIKE THE PUNCH BOWL, MAKE IT COUNT.

by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)

The days of lavish Holiday parties have fallen with the economy. However, that doesn’t mean they’re dead and buried. I mean the financial firm I work for is still having one. Though like last year the bean counters now have a budget they actually have to stick to. Usually, all of our pre-Jesus B-day bashes are at some catered hall. Not decked out glitzy mind you, but stodgy all the same. To satisfy the seniors they have the obligatory shellfish/raw bar and a generous supply of finger sandwiches. Of course there’s the open bar that’s usually packed with my crowd. And yes what would a party be without a couple of ice sculptures (or four), and, the classic of all classic holiday staples – the punch bowl. Usually it’s filled with some God awful watered down, fruity, non-alcoholic, red, blah, in a fine crystal bowl. My coworkers and I have a standing bet that whoever has the nerve to spike the punch bowl gets 100 bucks ­– no questions asked. If that day comes (for me) rest assured I will make it count. So without further adieu, here are MY 2 BEST PICKS FOR SPIKING A PUNCH BOWL…and then some.

BACARDI 151 PROOF RUM ($22.99): This sweet ‘n’ spiced stuff usually hovers in 100 proof-range. This isn’t one of those bottles. FYI…Bacardi also makes it a point to tell you that this is one of their more super flammable spirits.

DEVIL SPRINGS 160 PROOF VODKA ($14.39): Any spirit name that starts with Devil will pretty much guarantee how your night will start and end. The perfect power to mellow any power crowd. The bottle warning for this one suggests you dilute the crap out of it before drinking.

Happy Holidays!

I WANT TO BE DRUNK, YESTERDAY.

by Joshen McEwen (NWM Staff Writer)

If you want to be drunk in a jiffy, I found what has to be the most potent alcohol ever. The demon is called Everclear. I have personally never come in contact with this drink for good reason, but I’ll address that later. First, Everclear is a brand of neutral grain spirit. It comes in concentration of 151 proof and 190 proof. Now many people don’t know if you take the alcoholic proof and divide it by 2 you get the percentage of alcohol available – the alcoholic content. Now what’s special about 190 proof or roughly 96% alcohol and 4% water? It forms an azoetrope. Which means no further water may be removed by distillation. And as a result of that Mr. Wizard fact, you're getting the highest alcohol content one can find. Guaranteed to get you f%$ked up. Now the high alcohol content of Everclear makes it illegal and hard to find in many states. Everclear in it’s awesome 190 proof form is illegal in Florida, Hawaii, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nevada, New Hampshire, New York (both a blessing and a curse for me), Pennsylvania, Virginia, West Virginia, California, and Kansas. I can only imagine the increase in 3am club and bar violence if we had Everclear readily available. Not to mention the damage done to the inexperienced 21yr old livers around the city. I feel like I would get drunk just by holding the bottle. Everclear, it does a drinker good.

Everclear drinker speaks...sorta.