HEY COPYBOY! TELL ME ABOUT YOUR “LATE NIGHT, SHOVE STUFF IN YOUR MOUTH” DIET™

Glad you asked. It’s no secret that I’ve lost 17 lbs. I’m 10 pounds away from achieving my goal of walking around shirtless all summer (like Lucky from the 1994 Diet Coke Commercial.)

The hardest part has been keeping it off. Especially when it’s late night after the wife goes to bed. I used to snack on any type of fattening food while watching Smallville repeats. 

Now I know better. I do my “LATE NIGHT, SHOVE STUFF IN YOUR MOUTH” DIET

I have a sensible breakfast, lunch, & dinner. 

Then after 11:30pm...

I watch Xena and eat Hershey’s Special Dark Pieces.

The naughty outfits that Xena and Gabrielle wear up my pulse rate [counts as cardio]

AND I shove handfuls of Hershey’s Special Dark Pieces in my mouth.

50 pieces are only 180 calories.

That’s it. You can thank me once bikini season arrives!

SAVOR THE SCENT OF REAL CHOCOLATE FUDGE SPRAY.

by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

My 10 yr. high school reunion is like a month away. So as you can guess I am in severe diet mode. I think I’m up to a new fad diet per day. Not that it really matters. As far as I’m concerned, they’re all the same. Cut those portions down to microscopic levels. And of course the stuff I can eat needs to be broiled or steamed – NO fattening flavor whatsoever. Now fattening scents is a different story – at least to Chef/Author David Burke. Just for us dieters he’s created a set of scents that you can spray on meals. So it will just SMELL like you’re eating something bad for you. His flavor fragrances cover almost any craving…

Classic Flavors: Butter, Parmesan Cheese, Pesto, Ranch, Smoked Bacon, Tomato Basil

Exotic Flavors: Hot and Sour, Ice Blue Salt, Memphis BBQ, Pepper City, Teriyaki

Sweet Flavors: Banana Split, Birthday Cake, Chocolate Fudge, Cookies & Cream, Marshmallow, Mochaccino, Raspberry Bubblegum, Root Beer Float, Strawberry Shortcake, Cheesecake

Fruit Flavors: Mango, Pineapple, Kiwi, Blueberry

On the plus side ALL the sprays have…

• No Fat
  
• No Cholesterol
  
• No Calories
  
• No Carbohydrates
  
• No Sugar

On the negative side…

IT’S NOT FOOD.

Still it is something to make my meals a bit more bearable. So I guess I shouldn’t complain...that much. Click here for more info, or call Dave’s hotline at 718.793.SPRAY (7772).

BUZZ YOUR BODY: CAFFEINATED SOAP.

I am not a coffee drinker. Don't like the taste. To some, that makes me a freak that never went through puberty properly. I can live with the odd stares when I decline a cup at a meeting or a diner. ‘Cause thankfully, I’ve never had to waste my life savings on a nonfat, skinny, mocha, java with cinnamon, blah, blah. The only thing that does suck about being a non-coffee drinker is I have nothing to wake me up in the morning. Sure, I could grab a Diet Coke at 9am, but then I get the “soda junky” stares. Ooooh, I’m killing my body with caramel, coated toxins! Way worse than the “not drinking coffee” leers. Thankfully, now my caffeine intake is not regulated to the standard ingestion process. All I need to do is lather up with Shower Shock soap and wash myself awake. It’s soap laced with caffeine. 200 milligrams to be exact (coffee has 115). Basically, the caffeine gets absorbed through the skin. So all you need is one good lather to wake up. Two if you’re hung-over. Check it out.