SO WHAT ARE THOSE CRAZY PRIVILEGED TEENS UP TO NOW?

It’s called Vodka eyeballing. The name pretty much says it all. Basically instead of chugging mommy’s Nyquil, kids are now reaching for daddy’s bottle and pouring it into [you guessed it] their eyeballs. Why? Well apparently 4 years of high school science has taught ‘em that alcohol gets absorbed faster through the blood stream this way. And I thought I was cool when I learned that Kangaroos have 2 vaginas.

As expected the medical community has been a real wet blanket on the subject. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, destroys your cornea, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, permanent eye damage BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, possibility of blindness.

JUST CHECK OUT ALL THE AWESOME, STUPID FUN YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON ‘CAUSE YOU’RE AN ADULT AND SO NOT COOL.

HEY, WHAT HOUSEHOLD ITEM ARE THE REALLY DUMB, PRIVILEGED SCHOOL KIDS SNORTING THESE DAYS?

If you run to look in your medicine cabinet for cough medicine you’d be dead wrong. C’mon! That’s so 2005. The latest nose-candy is anything chock full of yummy  Aspartame. One of the main ingredients found in the faux sugar NutraSweet. And the most popular powdered treat on the list is Crystal Light™. 

12-14 yr. olds swear a good snort will get you a really, really cool high. The doctors insist that’s all in your head. However, they do say you'll be rewarded with headaches, mood swings, and grand mal seizures. Not sure who I should trust more.

3 REDEEMING THINGS ABOUT CHARLES IN CHARGE.

1- Doesn’t get much better than a goofy Willie Aames.

2- Ben Stein had a reoccurring role (Stanley Willard).

3- Featured Baywatch beauties Nicole Eggert & Erika Eleniak.

SAVOR THE SCENT OF REAL CHOCOLATE FUDGE SPRAY.

by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

My 10 yr. high school reunion is like a month away. So as you can guess I am in severe diet mode. I think I’m up to a new fad diet per day. Not that it really matters. As far as I’m concerned, they’re all the same. Cut those portions down to microscopic levels. And of course the stuff I can eat needs to be broiled or steamed – NO fattening flavor whatsoever. Now fattening scents is a different story – at least to Chef/Author David Burke. Just for us dieters he’s created a set of scents that you can spray on meals. So it will just SMELL like you’re eating something bad for you. His flavor fragrances cover almost any craving…

Classic Flavors: Butter, Parmesan Cheese, Pesto, Ranch, Smoked Bacon, Tomato Basil

Exotic Flavors: Hot and Sour, Ice Blue Salt, Memphis BBQ, Pepper City, Teriyaki

Sweet Flavors: Banana Split, Birthday Cake, Chocolate Fudge, Cookies & Cream, Marshmallow, Mochaccino, Raspberry Bubblegum, Root Beer Float, Strawberry Shortcake, Cheesecake

Fruit Flavors: Mango, Pineapple, Kiwi, Blueberry

On the plus side ALL the sprays have…

• No Fat
  
• No Cholesterol
  
• No Calories
  
• No Carbohydrates
  
• No Sugar

On the negative side…

IT’S NOT FOOD.

Still it is something to make my meals a bit more bearable. So I guess I shouldn’t complain...that much. Click here for more info, or call Dave’s hotline at 718.793.SPRAY (7772).

WILL SNORTING CRACKERS MAKE ME FALL ASLEEP?

Special thanks to Yahoo Answers for nipping this future teen fad in the bud.

[Official YA Transcript]

Question: Will snorting crackers make me fall asleep? A friend told me he used to snort crackers to fall asleep.

Answer 1. It seems extremely unlikely to me that it would make you fall asleep. Also do not even try it because it will for sure damage your nasal tissue and can cause you health problems. So don't do it.

Answer 2. Do not put any foreign substance into your nose, also crackers are not psychoactive, tell your friend to learn something or get new friends.