Showing posts with label heavy petting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heavy petting. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

HEY, SOMETIMES YOUR BITCH NEEDS SOME HEAVY PETTING!


Look, she wants to feel good. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that sometimes her long hair gets in the way. And of course, the moment you accidentally brush it with your hands she gets all well...bitchy. Hey, she is a bitch. I mean she shouldn't get all mad at you if she’s not properly groomed. Right? All I’m saying is before you show her some love wear the right glove. You do that and I’m sure your bitch will lick you right. Click here for the perfect heavy petting aid she’ll go crazy for (that’s only $37.69). 

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Monday, November 22, 2010

JUST IN CASE YOU CONFUSE HEAVY PETTING WITH A FULL PAT DOWN


I don’t like to brag, but from 1986 to 2002 I was a heavy petting artist – the rest of the bases…not so much. Now it seems like the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is moving in on my turf with this full pat down policy. If you’re confused between the two let me break down the definitions, complete with full color diagrams.

FULL PAT DOWN
Definition: The act of probing, groping, and rubbing of genitals to ensure no weapons of any sort are being snuck through airline security.




HEAVY PETTING (1986 style)
Definition: The act of sensually probing, groping, and rubbing of genitals to ensure both participants get off.

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