I don’t like to brag, but from 1986 to 2002 I was a heavy petting artist – the rest of the bases…not so much. Now it seems like the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is moving in on my turf with this full pat down policy. If you’re confused between the two let me break down the definitions, complete with full color diagrams.
FULL PAT DOWN
Definition: The act of probing, groping, and rubbing of genitals to ensure no weapons of any sort are being snuck through airline security.
HEAVY PETTING (1986 style)
Definition: The act of sensually probing, groping, and rubbing of genitals to ensure both participants get off.