Monday, November 22, 2010

JUST IN CASE YOU CONFUSE HEAVY PETTING WITH A FULL PAT DOWN


I don’t like to brag, but from 1986 to 2002 I was a heavy petting artist – the rest of the bases…not so much. Now it seems like the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is moving in on my turf with this full pat down policy. If you’re confused between the two let me break down the definitions, complete with full color diagrams.

FULL PAT DOWN
Definition: The act of probing, groping, and rubbing of genitals to ensure no weapons of any sort are being snuck through airline security.




HEAVY PETTING (1986 style)
Definition: The act of sensually probing, groping, and rubbing of genitals to ensure both participants get off.

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32 comments:

  1. heaving petting 1986 style that's what it's all about LOL

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  2. Futon!! I don't know why but that cracked me up the most.

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  3. Glad you've things back into perspective!

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  4. haha! Why, thank you for the explanation! :P
    I can see why those two can be easily mistaken for one another. :P

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  5. Lol, nothing wrong with the full pat down, its all in the name of security :-D

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  6. Unnecessary. Humiliating. That is all.

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  7. You sure no one is getting off with the TSA pat down? I thought I saw a dude go through, come around, go through again, come around, go through again. Apparently, he couldn't convince them he had a banana in his pocket.

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  8. Since we're all friends here I'll come out and reveal that I very much enjoy those airport patdowns. Recently I surprised my favorite TSA associate Bradley with a pair of monogrammed cuff links!

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  9. I a little bit want to go out and buy a futon now.

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  10. HAHAHA...thank god for the diagram. NOW i can see the difference. The entire thing is so overblown anyway. Americans are so uptight!

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  11. LMAO Your stick people are perfect. LOL

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  12. you are one of my favourite blogers

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  13. intresting post! i like it ;)
    if you whant to see cool cars wisit my blog http://live-for-cars.blogspot.com

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  14. I miss my futon. And my corny 80's mood music.

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  15. I bet some people get horny going through the security lines.

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  16. This makes me realize how easy it would be to get a little bit of action if you were really lonely.

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  17. Thanks for breaking that down for us. I was awfully confused.

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  18. you are too funny, love the mood music, Peter Cetera, haha! "I am the man that will fight for your honor....."

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  19. i wonder if the TSA ever picks girls up in mid-grope?

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  20. As soon as the TSA gets wind of this post, they'll start stocking up on fouton couches. Nice work. xo

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  21. That does it!!! All TSA has to do is put on Peter Cetera music, and so many of us women will totally not mind being groped! Ha ha!

    You're funny!!!

    Thanks for the birthday wishes! You're too sweet!

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  22. i saw the groping on the news.... the television that i don't even watch anymore. T.T

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  23. Last time I got patted down in the airport wasn't even in America, it was Canada, and even then I wasn't too bothered by it because, well it was a woman, and I knew I had nothing to hid, I was wearing tight pants after all.

    Now the sensual groping, it's been a while since I've done that.

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

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  24. Strangely, I find the pat downs arousing...
    Well, last time not so much. It was done by a large swarthy woman with a moustache. She violated my "no-fly" zone. I was neither amused, or aroused...

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