COMMUNICABLE DISEASE CELLS OF THE DAY

My cells invade the host through sexual contact. I cause a burning sensation in your urine. I also can make your testicles tender. What type of diseased cell am I?

Click here for the answer.

6 THINGS I’M 72.8% SURE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT EROTIC ASPHYXIATION

Definition (courtesy of Wiki): The intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal.

#1- This sexual act has been nicknamed THE GASPER.

#2- The practice of erotic asphyxiation began in the early 1600s.

#3- Historians feel this probably originated as a result of erections (or ejaculated residue) being discovered on the dead bodies after public hangings.

#4- 250 to 1000 people die each year in the US from this sexual act.

#5- Scandinavia and Germany also lead the way with erotic asphyxiation fatalities.

#6- White males (12-25) are the target most likely to engage in this sort of deviant practice.

FREE SEXUAL ROLE-PLAYING SCRIPT

My main problem with role-play costumes are they don’t come with situational instructions. You’re supposed to put on the outfit and just magically know what to say. And you know you can't just say any ol’ thing. It’s got to be witty, laced with sexual innuendo. And I'm not even going to get into stage direction. 

FREE SOLUTION FOR YOU

As luck would have it I'm a professional writer. Yes, being a food copywriter counts (in my mind). So I took a stab at a sexual role-play script. Use it if you want or not. I won’t be offended. FYI…above naughty student costume available at Discreet Novelty.


Cast: 

- COLLEGE PROFESSOR

- SLUTTY CHICK DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET AN A

Suggestion: If you have the acting chops try playing the professor role with an English accent.

Set-up: Professor is sitting at the desk, slutty student enters the room

SCRIPT

Professor: Aah Candy. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?

Candy: (worried) Oh professor.

Professor: Please, call me Bill.

Candy: Oh professor Bill, I was wondering if you had graded our final papers yet.

Professor: I have indeed.

Candy: And?

Professor: I really shouldn’t be discussing this with you off hours, but I’m afraid you got a C minus.

Candy: C minus? But I needed at least a B plus to pass the course.

Professor: I realize that. But I didn’t think the work merited anything higher.

Candy: Oh professor, I can’t fail this class. If I do, I won’t be able to graduate. Isn’t there anything I can do? Extra credit? (starts to pout)

[Candy unbuttons her shirt to reveal her bra and leans in]

Professor: Ah, well yes, perhaps I know of one service you can perform. It will give us both the raise we need.

[Candy understands perfectly and starts to undo the professor’s pants]

Scene ends and the ecstasy begins.

P.S. Script will also work for same sex couples.

HEY TREE HUGGER!

We have all heard the term. Basically Tree Huggers are those who oppose the logging industry. Their ultimate goal is to preserve our forests, so they can be enjoyed for generations to come. Corporate suits (with a generous supply of cops) tend to use this term as they are hosing down a bunch of these protesters chained to trees. However, I recently discovered that there is a more direct meaning of Tree Hugger. The term could also refer to someone who suffers from Dendrophilia. It is a condition in which an individual is sexually aroused by trees. Upon further research I was NOT able to determine if the disease has different classifications – Oak Dendrophilia, Christmas Tree Dendrophilia, etc. Either way it must be extremely rare, because at present the D-word has only one Facebook group devoted to it.