SURE IT RUINS THE PLANET, BUT IT'S TOTALLY RAD!

Giant robot made entirely from styrofoam packaging. Ain’t it bitchin cool?

CAPTAIN PLANET F--D UP part 1. (most likely NOT an ongoing series)

My goal was to find one episode where Captain Planet was wrong! Some lesson-to-be-learned or eco-save that didn’t pay out well for the future. I was beginning to think all hope was lost until I stumbled onto episode 8, Rain of Terror.

The plot has the Planeteers trying to stop Verminous Skumm from destroying a city with a giant cloud filled with acid rain. Of course, good triumphs over evil and the cloud was destroyed. 

Though according to a group of scientists at Michigan Technological University's School of Forest Resources and Environmental Science looks like the Captain made the wrong call. It seems that the research concludes that acid rain is actually beneficial for depleted forests. This polluted hot rain (rich with nitrogen) actually improves forest productivity. Meaning it saves the trees from dying out. And last time I checked, that's pretty high on the "Green stuff to accomplish in this century" list. Smooth move Super Cruise.

FREE MILLION DOLLAR IDEA

So why am I giving it to you all? I don’t have the cojones (testicles) to go through with it. No, it’s nothing that illegal. In fact I’ve already seen some people do something like I’m proposing…my idea is just better. Before I tell you swear you’ll cut me in for at least 40%. Fine, I’ll go to 25%, but no lower. Now that we got that formality out of the way here it is…

THE BP TOILET TARGET

For those not hip to “toilet target” technology I’ll explain. Essentially it’s a vinyl (water proof) sticker that adheres to the bottom of toilets or urinals (see photo below for reference).

WHAT’S THAT GOT TO WITH BP?

Here’s what I’m proposing. Just go to zazzle.com and upload a BP logo with this tagline – BP took a dump on our environment, now you can return the favor. From there, Zazzle lets you place design on all types of items on their site – tshirts, coffee mugs, mouse pads, and yes, toilet targets. So just choose the TT and you’re ready to go. From what I read (since you have no operation costs) Zazzle gives you 10% of each sale.

SO WHY AM I NOT REALLY DOING IT?

I’m a fraidy-cat when it comes to the possibility of a law suit. I mean if I got thrown in jail for this I’d have real problems. I’m really cute (see previous post for proof). Oh, and if anyone does decide to do this, I’d donate a portion of your million dollar profits to some sort of gulf clean-up charity (to avoid negative press). Just remember I get 25% as well. Good luck.

ANNOYING GREEN ADVICE (an ongoing series)

SUCK IT CAPTAIN PLANET.

by Greg Colfaz (NWM Staff Writer)

Hey from Cottonwood, Idaho. So I may or may not have been watching my Captain Planet and the Planeteers Season 1 DVD (drunk) this past weekend. Originally I was trying to settle a bet with my friend to see if it was really Tom Cruise’s voice behind the mighty blue eco-avenger. No dice, but after 5 beers and 3 episodes I did figure out why I hated this show waaay more than He-Man. It was too over-the-top preachy throughout the episodes. At least He-Man waited ‘til the end to tell Orko what he learned from dishing out a can of whoop-ass to Skeletor. This epiphany totally changed my mission. Now, my goal was to find one episode where CP was wrong! Some lesson-to-be-learned or eco-save that didn’t pay out well for the future. I was beginning to think all hope was lost until I stumbled onto episode 8, Rain of Terror. The plot has the Planeteers trying to stop Verminous Skumm from destroying a city with a giant cloud filled with acid rain. Of course, good triumphs over evil and the cloud was destroyed. Though according to a group of scientists at Michigan Technological University's School of Forest Resources and Environmental Science looks like the Captain made the wrong call. It seems that the research concludes that acid rain is actually beneficial for depleted forests. This polluted hot rain (rich with nitrogen) actually improves forest productivity. Meaning it saves the trees from dying out. And last time I checked, that's pretty high on the "Green stuff to accomplish in this century" list. Smooth move Super Cruise.

NWM ECO PRODUCT PICK: SHEEP POO PAPER

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

It’s not a good decade to be in the paper biz, that’s for sure.  Everyone’s trying to digitize everything under the sun. New book / Newspaper readers are constantly coming out. And if that ain’t enough, the “Go Green” folks are up in arms about paper mills and their nasty deforestation habits. As a result Creative Paper Wales has changed their business model a bit. They are now 100% committed to going green, by using a bit of off brown  – sheep poo. Their paper plant (in Snowdonia National Park, Wales), runs just like any other mill. Only instead of wood pulp they collect, sterilize and process sheep feces. Why Sheep? Apparently it’s all about how they process their poop. A sheep only digests 50% of the cellulose fibers it eats. And fiber is one of the main ingredients in paper. Win, win for everyone. As far as the digital war goes, right now Creative Paper Wales is using their Sheep Poo product for things that are still in demand: invitations, stationary, birthday cards, book marks, post cards, etc. Click here to shop, learn about Sheep Poo and save a tree.

Watch Gordon Ramsay take part in the sheep poo paper process.   

HEY TREE HUGGER!

We have all heard the term. Basically Tree Huggers are those who oppose the logging industry. Their ultimate goal is to preserve our forests, so they can be enjoyed for generations to come. Corporate suits (with a generous supply of cops) tend to use this term as they are hosing down a bunch of these protesters chained to trees. However, I recently discovered that there is a more direct meaning of Tree Hugger. The term could also refer to someone who suffers from Dendrophilia. It is a condition in which an individual is sexually aroused by trees. Upon further research I was NOT able to determine if the disease has different classifications – Oak Dendrophilia, Christmas Tree Dendrophilia, etc. Either way it must be extremely rare, because at present the D-word has only one Facebook group devoted to it.