A DOUCHEY DID YOU KNOW: SPECIAL REPORT.

I am one of the fortunate few that can actually walk to work. 1.6 miles is my total journey through the streets of NY's East and West Village. Along the way I see the usual urbanites – NYU students, Wall Streeters, pot smoking chess crazies, and him. The latter refers to an individual I see every weekday at 8:42 am. Like clockwork he strolls in and out of my life in a handful of seconds. I watch him carefully as he swaggers into a nearby Starbucks without a care in the world. I call him Doctor Douche. Why? Simple. THE MAN IS ALWAYS IN HIS SURGICAL SCRUBS. No jacket at all. Doesn’t matter if the temperature is 40 below, 100 above, Quincy will always walk by wearing his tried-and-true aqua blue. He’s even got the ol’ stethoscope swaying around his neck like male genitalia.

What a douche. I mean I’m quite sure the hospital provides a locker so he can change when he gets there (saw it in Doc Hollywood). Plus, doesn’t DD need to be all hypoallergenic when he scrubs in? How does strolling through the gutters of NY help achieve that goal. No, Mr. God Complex does it just to piss off us mortals. To get a rise out of the hot art student chicks. He simply thinks he’s more awesomer than us ‘cause he knows how to use a scissor and washes his hands better.

All I can say is when I finally grow that set of brass cojones I'm going to wipe that surgeon smirk right off his face. That’s ‘cause for $25.50 (@ Buy.com) I too can be the proud owner of adult surgical scrubs (complete with a plastic stethoscope). Once he sees he’s not the only one looking dope, I’m quite sure he will de-douche his ways and go back to plain clothes. Rest assured, mission [will be] accomplished NY.

J LO ASS SURGERY PROCEDURE PERFECTED…WHEW!

by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

Women who have been less than bootyicious all of their lives now have a new surgical option. Goodbye plain old buttock implant augmentation, hello Brazilian Butt Lift. This incredible groundbreaking procedure will literally transform your flat butt into a JLO-esque work of booty art.

BBL BASICS:

Essentially you get two surgeries for the price of one. They lipo the fat out of your abdomen and do multiple injections into your butt. The tush is also lipoed to give it a properly contoured, sexy booty shape.

Average price for J LipO: $16000-$18000

STEPHANIE PRATT – ANOTHER HILLS MEMBER USING PLASTIC?

by KC (NWM Staff Writer)

Seems that Stephanie Pratt has had a bit if work done. According to dermatologist Dr. Paul Jarrod Frank, "Stephanie appears to have had Juvederm or Restylane injections in her lips. Her nose also looks much thinner and her overall face looks plump and firm."

Guess she’s following in the steps of perky sis inlaw Heidi.

LOOK MA, NO HUMAN FEATURES!

Not everyone wants to look like a cover girl or Mr. Bodybuilder. In fact, some people don’t even wanna look human. It’s called bizarre body modification. Back in the day that pretty much meant you were getting 2 or more tattoos. Now, it’s taking on a whole different meaning. Everything from horns on the head, cat looking face (see pic), lizard tongue, elf ears and designer jewels IN the eyeball. Ugh! Here are the top 6 bizarre body modification surgeries coming from the home office in Omaha, UK. 

NWM Brutal Truth: Most likely your HMO won’t cover any of this.