Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A DOUCHEY DID YOU KNOW: SPECIAL REPORT.


I am one of the fortunate few that can actually walk to work. 1.6 miles is my total journey through the streets of NY's East and West Village. Along the way I see the usual urbanites – NYU students, Wall Streeters, pot smoking chess crazies, and him. The latter refers to an individual I see every weekday at 8:42 am. Like clockwork he strolls in and out of my life in a handful of seconds. I watch him carefully as he swaggers into a nearby Starbucks without a care in the world. I call him Doctor Douche. Why? Simple. THE MAN IS ALWAYS IN HIS SURGICAL SCRUBS. No jacket at all. Doesn’t matter if the temperature is 40 below, 100 above, Quincy will always walk by wearing his tried-and-true aqua blue. He’s even got the ol’ stethoscope swaying around his neck like male genitalia.

What a douche. I mean I’m quite sure the hospital provides a locker so he can change when he gets there (saw it in Doc Hollywood). Plus, doesn’t DD need to be all hypoallergenic when he scrubs in? How does strolling through the gutters of NY help achieve that goal. No, Mr. God Complex does it just to piss off us mortals. To get a rise out of the hot art student chicks. He simply thinks he’s more awesomer than us ‘cause he knows how to use a scissor and washes his hands better.


All I can say is when I finally grow that set of brass cojones I'm going to wipe that surgeon smirk right off his face. That’s ‘cause for $25.50 (@ Buy.com) I too can be the proud owner of adult surgical scrubs (complete with a plastic stethoscope). Once he sees he’s not the only one looking dope, I’m quite sure he will de-douche his ways and go back to plain clothes. Rest assured, mission [will be] accomplished NY.





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17 comments:

  1. OMG! Hope he's not a real medic else gawd help the fight against MRSA with him strolling from gutter to op theatre or ward!
    Probably just a nut obsessed with medical dramas...bet he's a strippergram or something like that ;-)

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  2. He's probably a medical technician posing as a doctor (not that there is anything wrong with MTs). Then again, Doctors are often a bunch of egotistical dicks. My wife is a PA-C and often has to deal with the superiority illusion.

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  3. Jesse, I love this post! This is so awesome and real. I had one of these encounters for a while only my Dr. Douche would order a slice of turkey and egg white on rye toast every damn day in his lame-ass scrubs thinking he was all Zach Braff hot. I love Zach and this guy was just lame with a capital L.

    See, in the burbs we only meet up with these d-bags in our daily stop to Dunkin or the deli. I do so miss the walk to work as a former NYC person :( I had way more funny freaks to name and ponder from the LIRR platform all the way to the subway then to my cross town walk or bus ride.

    Really well done, man.

    Visit me at FourthGradeNothing.com

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  4. Omg. You need to go find my post called "what are they teaching in medical school" because it co-stars Dr. Douche's med student, Dr. Dbag. What is it with doctors?

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  5. Sounds like Dr. Douche has a case of doctor-itis. Dickhead.

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  6. Eh...he's prolly just a surgical tech trying to look cool. Douchebag!

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  7. I'm guessing he's an escaped patient from NY's finest mental hospital.
    Cheers,
    Robyn

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  8. "I like your nurse's uniform, guy."

    "These are OR scrubs."

    "O R they?"

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  9. Oh, what if you got in an accident and Dr. Douche was your ER Doctor? That would totally suck.

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  10. Think I prefer NOT knowing where those scrubs and stethoscope have been!

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  11. I just love the fact you called him quincy.

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  12. I'm thinking he's not a doctor, he's a patient!
    And not a patient at a "normal" hospital...

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  13. I'm totally with you - wearing scrubs when you're walking down the street is just lazy. And possibly germ-filled. Awesome way to pick up a fun disease.

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  14. LOL, I cannot tell you home much I enjoy reading your blog! I have to agree I think he may not be an actual doctor. Maybe a male nurse pretending to be more outside the hospital.

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  15. That would be awesome if you actually bought the scrubs and wore them down the street to meet up with him. Do it! It's funny already.

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  16. hey now! lol.
    he's either 1. not a doctor, or 2. insecure.
    doctors get these super "God like" images of themselves and think they can get anyone they want. they think they are treated differently (kind of like police officers) if they are in uniform. seriously. they make reservations under "dr." and then their name. who freakin cares.... you're going to sit in the same crappy location as everyone else....

    HOWEVER, coming from the "other" side of the spectrum. i am entirely lazy and would TOTALLY go to get starbucks or donuts after working all night. i didn't go into the hospital in regular clothes though. i didn't have a locker to change my clothes. i went to the hospital in scrubs, and i'd walk out in scrubs. i didn't perform surgery, although i watched surgeries. if anyone was going to get sick, it was me.... and maybe someone if they rubbed up against me in my stinky scrubs, however i'm certain that the smell of yak and terds were enough to keep everyone AT LEAST 7 feet away from me.... =) i was no doctor. nor would i wear a stethoscope around my neck. he could totally be a nurse. they use stethoscopes daily too...

    it's funny how we automatically assume that a man in scrubs is a dr.... or that a woman in scrubs is a nurse....

    you should take a picture of him daily. and post it. =) daily dose of dr douche. =)

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  17. I bet he calls everybody 'babe'....

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