“FINGER-RIFFIC” FRIDAY

I was going to mention which jar of goodness I love to finger. However I felt the need to interrupt my mindless post for a peek into my uber-pathetic-ness.

I can say I’ve reached a new low. As a card carrying man I probably shouldn’t admit to this, but what the hell. In the last two months I have heard the following phrase uttered at least 4 maybe 5 times from my DVR…

“Previously on Audrina!”

The show is your basic VH1 / Mtv hellspawn (aka reality show)! 

It centers around the post-Hills, post-Dancing with the Stars hottie Audrina Patridge ... 

... and her wacky family. 

Hey, my wife likes the show not me. It’s stupid. So stupid. Ugh really stupid. Especially the first 3 episodes. The 4^th wasn’t so bad. And I kinda like the 5^th one. And yes, I’m so psyched for episode 6!!!  What’s going to happen between Aurdina and Donald Trump? Will Casey fight with her mom?!!! I truly can’t wait for the next ...

I’m pathetic! My manhood should be revoked. Oh, and to make matters worse I caught myself singing the theme song on my way to work. Bye-bye testicles.

I dare you not to snap your fingers and stomp your feet!!!!

REALITY BYTES.

by KC (NWM Staff Writer)
Melissa Rycroft: the lucky girl who was dumped on national television by Jason Mesnick, is now a part of the Entertainment Tonight team as a correspondent.

Kristin Cavallari: The Hills starlet, was seen clubbing in Miami Beach after the superbowl with NFL pro Mark Sanchez. Sources say they “hooked up” at his place later that night.

Kate Gosselin: Jon and Kate Plus 8 famed mom (minus the eight kids) was seen at Butter in NYC. She knocked back four glasses of wine at dinner and wore a miniskirt w/ strappy, sexy sandals.

OUR APOLOGIES TO HEIDI MONTAG-PRATT’S VAGINA AND BREASTS.

by Klub-Kidz (NWM Staff Writer)

As bloggers it’s expected that we’re going to criticize, offer opinions and poke fun at pop culture. However as news sources, we do owe it to ourselves to try to get our facts straight before doing so. Even we are not impervious to those kind of mistakes. Case in point, previously NWM had reported that Heidi Montag-Pratt had undergone 10 surgical cosmetic procedures which were as follows:

BOTOX, NOSE JOB REVISION, MINI BROW LIFT, CHIN REDUCTION, FAT INJECTIONS, BREAST ENHANCMENTS (to a DD), LIPOSUCTION (on waist, thighs and neck), VAGINAL REJUVENATION and BUTTOCKS CONTOURING.

We were sadly mistaken on two counts. Apparently Mrs. Montag-Pratt had her breasts enhanced to a triple D size and instead of vaginal rejuvenation she had her ears pinned back. Live and learn I guess.

FYI…check out Heidi’s new hit single “Superficial” on iTunes and Amazon now.

LAUREN CONRAD’S HOLIDAY TURN-ONS INCLUDE…

by KC (NWM Staff Writer)

TWITTERED TRUE LOVE: Santa.

COOL X-MAS TUNES: "Last Christmas" by Wham and "Santa Baby" by Taylor Swift.

HOLIDAY TRADITION: Snacking on all the holiday foods because they make me forget about the gym.

FAVE OF 'EM ALL: Chocolate holiday cookies

PERSONAL RECIPE: Just add melted butter, chocolate, egg, flour,baking powder and vanilla extract. Roll into dough balls for 12-15 minutes at 350 degrees. Makes up to 50 cookies.

IN 2010 ALL WILL DRESS LIKE LAUREN CONRAD.

by KC (NWM Staff Writer)

Sometime next year the #1 Hills alumni will be releasing a new book (Lauren Conrad Style) that’s pretty much destined to be yet another NY Times Best Seller. Here’s a sneak peek at some of Lauren's hot tips us everyday mortals can take advantage of…

“Wear neutral colors.”

“Make jeans and heels your go-to-date outfit.”

“Shorten” your “minis.”

STEPHANIE PRATT – ANOTHER HILLS MEMBER USING PLASTIC?

by KC (NWM Staff Writer)

Seems that Stephanie Pratt has had a bit if work done. According to dermatologist Dr. Paul Jarrod Frank, "Stephanie appears to have had Juvederm or Restylane injections in her lips. Her nose also looks much thinner and her overall face looks plump and firm."

Guess she’s following in the steps of perky sis inlaw Heidi.

THE MANY COMPLEX MOODS OF JUSTIN.

Apathetic Justin

Muddled Justin

Vexed Justin

Bruiting Justin

PRATT TWEETs OFF ON ROKER.

by KC (NWM Staff Writer)

There seems to be a major feud brewing between Spencer Pratt and Al Roker. All ‘cause of Al’s canceling of Speidi’s (Heidi + Spencer) Today Show interview on Monday. Pratt seemed to have a field day with this slight change in his schedule by tweeting about Roker. His tweets were, well…you be the judge…

Tweet one:  "WEATHERMAN I thought you were out of town today getting your stomach stapled again?"

Tweet two: "You look very sick? Do you always look like your about to die? How old are you 97? You should retire asap- No one would even know?"

Tweet three: "I heard you snitched on your own kids at school! I bet your kids HATE you!! I would if my own dad came to my school and snitched me."

Tweet four: "Is it true you have been married 6 times? I'm sure all your wives left you when they realized you were abusive to women! Sicko!"

Is it me, or does it seem Pratt wasn’t hugged much as a kid?

MOTHER TERESA vs. HEIDI MONTAG

Sweetest Lord, make me appreciative of the dignity of my high vocation, and its many responsibilities. Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience.

– Mother Teresa

I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God.

– Heidi Montag

ARISTOTLE vs. SPENCER

He who is to be a good ruler must have first been ruled.

- Aristotle

My hustle is just too crazy. I’m trying to take over the world!

- Spencer

Mtv’s POSSIBLE “THE HILLS” AND “THE CITY” SPIN-OFF.