BLOW OFF WORK TODAY AND GET YOUR ASS ON A REALITY SHOW

Realitywanted.com has like a zillion casting opportunities for r-shows (like below) every day. Play your cards right for the camera and you could be the next Richard Hatch (minus the tax evasion and jail time 1 & 2). Click on each title for more casting information.

FREE DOG TRAINING!!!!! ANIMAL PLANET'S "IT'S ME OR THE DOG" CASTING NOW!!

Are your dogs unruly?  Do they consume your life with their bad behavior?  Is there tension and bickering in your home because of them?   Help is on the way!!!   ANIMAL PLANET'S "ITS ME OR THE DOG"  IS CASTING IT'S 4TH SEASON!!!!

Start: 05/16/2011 End: 05/25/2011

Casting All Real Housewives Enthusiast! New Show For You!

Are you obsessed with the Real Housewives of NYC or NJ? Do you think you should be a cast member? Well, this is a new series that is looking for people with larger-than-life personalities just like theirs to host a quirky-in-theme event that we will cater!  

If interested in appearing on this brand new docu-series for a MAJOR cable network, then please reply with an uproariously hilarious email telling us who you are, the party you would like to throw (i.e. how many guests, possible themes, etc.), your contact info, and any photos or videos you may have of yourself.

Start: 05/20/2011 End: 08/02/2011

Now Casting: Pranksters in the Boston Area!

Are your friends constantly pulling pranks on you? Do you get tired of being the butt of their cruel jokes? If so, Fuel TV wants to help you get them back. Big Time! A new television pilot for Fuel TV and Cheri Sundae Productions wants to give you the opportunity to devise the perfect prank! If you are a good sport, not afraid to express your feelings, live in the Boston area we would like to hear from you!

Start: 05/18/2011 End: 06/01/2011

MY 100% CAN’T MISS PLAN TO GET YOU OUT OF WORK EARLY

Fall is in spitting distance. Which means it’s of vital importance you get your ass in gear and soak up the rest of the sweet summer weather while you still can. Easy enough when it’s a weekend. What about during the work-week? Chances are “THE MAN” won’t be so accommodating. Which is why I cooked up this little scheme that’ll guarantee you'll be able to leave early any day you want, no matter what type of workload you have. The only problem is you can only use this excuse once. FYI…I have successfully executed this plan I call…

THE BLOODY TISSUE

What you need:

Total Cost = $2.52 (includes tax)

INSTRUCTIONS:

Step 1. Grab a brown napkin and a red marker. Then color a red blotch in the center. DO NOT USE A WHITE TISSUE because the red won’t look like blood. 

Step 2. Set up a meeting with your boss. 

Step 3. While you are in his (or her) office start to cough. Gradually let the cough build until you need to use the napkin in your hand.

Step 4. Once you end your cough look at the tissue in shock. Don’t show the tissue you to your boss. Let him (or her) discover the fact that there’s blood on the tissue. He or she will then be so worried you’ll have no problem skipping out early.

Step 5. Go to a neighborhood park or bar and enjoy the beautiful weather.

You're welcome.

BOSS BINGO…COMING TO A MIND NUMBING CONFERENCE CALL NEAR YOU.

by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)

One thing this current recession-laced economy hasn’t squashed in the finance industry – the love for senseless status meetings. No matter where my boss is in the country, he has an absolute mad on for calling impromptu status calls. Usually he’ll get a bunch of us juniors huddled by a phone speaker in some meeting room. Then for the next hour (or three) we listen to him yammer on about deals he’s close to closing. After, he’ll dispense a litany of useless support stuff we need to do to help him nail said deals. Used to be the worst part of my job. Now it’s the only thing I look forward to, thanks to a little known game called BOSS BINGO. Here’s how it’s played…

Before the game, everyone kicks in X number of dollars (nothing’s fun unless there’s some financial reward).

Next, hand out official BOSS BINGO cards to all players.

BB cards consist of 16 boxes filled with catch phrases your boss usually says. 

Examples: 

• Let’s circle back
  
• This is A-game time
  
• Got no room for error
  

Once the conference call starts, the game is officially on!

The first person to get 4 in a row (vertically, horizontally or diagonally) wins the cash.

PLEASE NOTE: Game must only be played when the boss is calling in, and NO senior members are in the room. 

6 QUESTIONS FOR AN ALASKAN CANNERY WORKER.

Brian is a sophomore at a big university. Doing biz undergrad. Unfortunately, big school means ridiculous tuition bills. And working at the Bean Coffee Hut during the year doesn’t even begin cover costs. So this past summer Bri packed a duffle and headed up north – way north to Bristol Bay. He worked in a Salmon cannery. Here are his six questions.

How long were you up there for?

The cannery’s main season is from mid June to around late August. So yeah, I pretty much spent the entire summer up there.

So what did you do?

I was on the slime line. I had the glorious task of pulling guts and egg sacs from the salmon coming down the conveyor belt.

How much did you make per hour?

$7.22 was my regular rate. One and a half times that for any overtime I put in, which was usual for me.

So where did you live?

The company owns bunkhouses. Each one holds about 50 people. The cost is about 5 bucks a day to stay.

What were the bunkhouses like?

Decent. They got the basics. Beds, showers, bathrooms, mini-kitchen and a laundry machine. As far as fun stuff, there was a rec. room with a TV and DVD player. Played a lot of cards. Though most of the time we slept.

What’d you do about food?

They served 3 meals a day. Lunch is free. Breakfast and dinner each cost about 4 bucks. Though thanks to the constant fishy smell I didn't have my usual big appetite.

FULL PROOF PLAN FOR SNEAKING OUT OF WORK EARLY!

by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)

This plan is 100% guaranteed to get you out of the office, no matter what time. If you’re like me, you’ve got one of those bosses that literally never goes home. My boss just sits there like some warden, typing some mysterious memo – and yet not completely eyeing the screen. The other half of the eyeball is glued to the office. Seeing if there are any people trying to escape before the workday’s officially done. To be honest, the sneaking out part is easy. Leaving with the jacket and briefcase in hand, that’s the tricky part. With this plan, you can do it right in front of the boss-man’s face and still won’t get caught. Here’s how it works.

WHAT YOU NEED:

Medium size box: Choose the one that holds all the copier paper. It’s just the right size and it has a removable cover.

Black Sharpie Marker: You’ll need it to label the box FILES. Make sure the letters are large and easy to read. If worse comes to worse, write FILES on more than one side.

OPTIMAL TIME TO ESCAPE:

I prefer to put my plan in motion when the big cheese gets a call from the spouse. Bosses' “corporate watch-dog” powers are at their lowest during personal calls. It takes them out of their game. Again, it can be done at any time, that’s just my personal preference.

THE PLAN:

In private, pack your jacket and briefcase in the box. Cover it up. When you’re ready to leave, grab the box and walk towards the file room. If your boss asks what you’re doing, simply say that you’re doing some early spring-cleaning and moving files to the storage area. When you’re out of view of your boss, ditch the box someplace safe (so it can be used again), grab your coat and briefcase, and head for the elevator or door. Home free and out early.

PLEASE NOTE: The box trick should not be done multiple days in a row, so not to arouse suspicion and ruin the trick for future use.