Friday, August 13, 2010

MY 100% CAN’T MISS PLAN TO GET YOU OUT OF WORK EARLY


Fall is in spitting distance. Which means it’s of vital importance you get your ass in gear and soak up the rest of the sweet summer weather while you still can. Easy enough when it’s a weekend. What about during the work-week? Chances are “THE MAN” won’t be so accommodating. Which is why I cooked up this little scheme that’ll guarantee you'll be able to leave early any day you want, no matter what type of workload you have. The only problem is you can only use this excuse once. FYI…I have successfully executed this plan I call…

THE BLOODY TISSUE
What you need:
Total Cost = $2.52 (includes tax)


INSTRUCTIONS:

Step 1. Grab a brown napkin and a red marker. Then color a red blotch in the center. DO NOT USE A WHITE TISSUE because the red won’t look like blood. 




Step 2. Set up a meeting with your boss. 


Step 3. While you are in his (or her) office start to cough. Gradually let the cough build until you need to use the napkin in your hand.


Step 4. Once you end your cough look at the tissue in shock. Don’t show the tissue you to your boss. Let him (or her) discover the fact that there’s blood on the tissue. He or she will then be so worried you’ll have no problem skipping out early.



Step 5. Go to a neighborhood park or bar and enjoy the beautiful weather.

You're welcome.

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15 comments:

  1. What can I do to leave school early? I need to practice my cough and try to make it sound real. I like the drawings! =]

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  2. haha Ingenious my friend and quite deviously deceptive although I think I could cough up an actual lung at my job and not be permitted to go home early.

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  3. Were those drawings or photographs? They were so flawless I couldn't tell the difference.

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  4. Oh my gosh, I can't decide whether to laugh my ass off here, or shake my head and call you a sick puppy! LOVE IT!

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  5. LOVE IT!! I "found" you through Housewife Eclectic's Follow Me Friday. I'll be back!

    In the meantime, you can check out my blog: www.kitschysuburbia.blogspot.com

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  6. Speaking of things that are WAY better than working, you have to start sending your people over to the Gucci Shore, Jewce!

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  7. This is a tip I can see myself using. You are so very helpful. lol

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  8. Hi

    New follower here...you have a lovely blog...you can find me at makeupthoughts.blogspot.com

    Dee

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  9. I will try this on Babe but I don't think he will care. Maybe we can just go to the park anyway.

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  10. If kids can't get out of school with bloody noses, I don't know if this would get you out of work... Especially given the unconvincing shade of red and lack of the glisten that comes with fresh blood. Plus, marker doesn't saturate material the same way that amount of blood would. A bit too deceptive for me, but I assume this is all in jest.

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  11. That's too funny! I hope none of my employees are reading this, I'll so be on to them!

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  12. I work overnight and they trap us in there like wild bears with the security alarm set with no manager there. The bloody tissue won't work for me.

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  13. That's a good one! Becaue most of the known world is now aware of your blog, it can never be used...

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  14. That is so very creative! And it might actually work. Putting this in my back pocket for the future...thanks!

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