GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME

Last night there was nothing on the tube so I figured I’d play a rousing round of THE GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME. For all you first timers out there, the rules are simple. In the search area type in part of a statement or question. Then simply let Google  finish it off. Here’s how I did while enjoying a refreshing Zima®.

APHRODISIAC IN A CAN.

In my day, you needed to buy the drink (beer or Zima) to get the girl. Now you simply order Yxaiio drink and the girls will flock to you. Still not totally clear if has an ingredient that prevents your buddy from CBing you. But what it does have is a generous supply of male and female pheromones. The chemical-du jour that triggers attraction messages in the brain. More specifically it affects the hypothalamus area, otherwise know as the nervous center switchboard. So how do you jumpstart your night of uninhibited pleasures? All you need to do is drink and inhale a can of Yxaiio with an unsuspecting soul. Supposedly it works as you drink. Oh, and alcohol speeds up the process. Cost for this magic aphrodisiac? 70 bucks for a 24pack. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any testimony from Yxaiio drinkers. However, the site does include 10 things you should know about Yxaiio pheromones®. Not sure if 6-9 are marketing ploys.

1. Yxaiio pheromones® is the first aphrodisiac drink
2. Pheromones are messengers of sexual attraction
3. Yxaiio pheromones® stimulates all your senses
4. Yxaiio pheromones® goes straight to your brain
5. Yxaiio pheromones® is not an energy drink
6. Yxaiio pheromones® may be addictive
7. Yxaiio pheromones® is only for people over the age of 18
8. Watch out: alcohol intensifies the effect of Yxaiio pheromones®
9. Max. 3 cans of Yxaiio pheromones® per day
10. It's hot, alright!

PLEDGING? GRAB A POCKET TOLIET-TO-GO!

I had friends who pledged Fraternities freshman year. Couldn't even think to tell you which one. I recall one of the names had a “theta” or “zima” in it. Of course with pledging came the hazing. They both would fondly tell me about 6hour car runs to get their pledgemasters a pizza from two states over. Scavenger hunts that included getting (kid you not) an impression of an exotic dancer’s nipple in peanut butter. Pretty much all these stories had one thing in common – long ass car trips. Apparently the Greek System doesn’t like to torture incoming pledges within a 46 mile radius of the university campus. So a bit of advice for all you 2009 pledgers out there about to go on one of these horror haze-rides. Bring a clean change of underwear, and the NEW TravelJohn Disposable Urinal. A lot of these hazing rituals don’t just judge on completion of task, but time as well. A road trip bathroom break could cost you valuable minutes, and eventually a spot in the house. TravelJohn gives you the freedom to pea while still putting that petal to the metal. It features…

• Biodegradable polymer that’s spill proof and odorless
• Puncture resistant pouch with spill guard to prevent back flow
• Unisex design
• No clean-up required, simply throw away
• Only 27 bucks for a pack of 18.
• Compact and lightweight for optimal ease-of-use while standing or sitting
• Hygienic, non-toxic and waste disposal safe

PLEASE NOTE: This product is ONLY to be used for #1 not #2.

BTW…my friends never told me what they needed the clean underwear for – sorry.

See how Johnny Depp dealt with hazing in this special 21 Jump Street clip.