KLINGON PHRASE OF THE DAY

Phrase: nuqDaq ‘Oh puchpa‘ ’e’ (pronounced the way it reads)

                                            Definition: Where is the bathroom?

OH NO I SAID TOO MUCH (an ongoing series)

Time for another cringe-worthy post that asks – how well do you really know the freak writing this blog? Again I’m not talking about the topical stuff (my favorite color, Gummi bear's flavor, and hair metal band). Nope. I’m going to reveal some moderately creepy stuff. So buckle up and keep all hands and legs inside.

  

This week’s topic: ANIMALS

We (my wife and I) are cat sitting this week. Our neighbor has 3 cats. Correction, she has one cat. The other 2 are her brother’s cats. One cat in particular is sick. We had to give her medication. After, when we were playing with the sick cat I kissed her backside. Then I wiped my mouth with my hand. My wife was upset because I didn’t wash my hands and face right away.

Why? The cat has rhinotracheitis (aka Feline Herpes).

Humans can't catch it, so it didn’t bother me. FYI…I washed my hands 15 minutes later for completely another reason. Am I a freak?

6 QUESTIONS FOR AN ALASKAN CANNERY WORKER

Brian is a sophomore at a big university. Doing biz undergrad. Unfortunately, big school means ridiculous tuition bills. And working at the Bean Coffee Hut during the year doesn’t even begin cover costs. So this past summer Bri packed a duffle and headed up north – way north to Bristol Bay. He worked in a Salmon cannery. Here are his six questions.

How long were you up there for?

The cannery’s main season is from mid June to around late August. So yeah, I pretty much spent the entire summer up there.

So what did you do?

I was on the slime line. I had the glorious task of pulling guts and egg sacs from the salmon coming down the conveyor belt.

How much did you make per hour?

$7.22 was my regular rate. One and a half times that for any overtime I put in, which was usual for me.

So where did you live?

The company owns bunkhouses. Each one holds about 50 people. The cost is about 5 bucks a day to stay.

What were the bunkhouses like?

Decent. They got the basics. Beds, showers, bathrooms, mini-kitchen and a laundry machine. As far as fun stuff, there was a rec. room with a TV and DVD player. Played a lot of cards. Though most of the time we slept.

What’d you do about food?

They served 3 meals a day. Lunch is free. Breakfast and dinner each cost about 4 bucks. Though thanks to the constant fishy smell I didn't have my usual big appetite.

BLEND UP A FROG FOR SEXUAL HEALTH

Leave it to those wacky Peruvian scientists to come up with such an obvious cure for low sex drive – FROG JUICE. Actually, Kermit’s liquefied innards do that and much, much more. Supposedly it’s a cure-all for…

• Asthma
  
• Bronchitis
  
• Sluggishness
  
• And yes, low sex drive.

You can find this “Peruvian Viagra” at any of the local Lima restaurants. One frog smoothie will cost you about 90¢. Doesn’t include toppings.

And congrats to OK in UK for guessing Alan Stanwyk from FLETCH! I'll have more of those, rest assured. 

GUESS THE MOVIE & CHARACTER – BE NEW BLOG OF THE WEEK

First person to guess the movie this character is from (and his name) will be crowned new blog and blog of the day for the entire week. Starting now!!!!

EBAY ODDBALL FIND: ADULT PIGGY COSTUME

Your search for the perfect Arbor Day outfit is over.  Adult size piggy (to me) screams 1^st place costume contest winner. Here’s what you get with your order…

• Unisex full-body costume made of soft, plush, pink fur.
  
• Fits a man up to 6ft tall (220 pounds).
  
• Piggy hooves fit over any type of shoe.
  
• Hand hooves made of soft pliable rubber (with finger openings).
  
• Padded nose bridge for comfortable fit.

Available now for a bargain – $89.99 

[Click here to buy or bid.]

TODAY’S CAN OF WHOOP ASS COMES FROM RUTLAND, VERMONT

Thank you Bfrog80G for this primo find.

Purpose: Chili mix

Features:

Makes ½ gallon of chili

Ready in 20 minutes

Feeds 6-8 big people

Really Hot

 Only $4.95 at Basspro.com

Keep those cans of Whoop Ass coming in!

BTW…soooo sorry I’ve been out of the loop on blog reading. Work has been crazy!

YADDA ON JABBA

HIDDEN HUTT FACT #6:
Infant Hutts are the size of an orange, and live in the parent’s pouch for decades until fully developed.

MMM…UNICORN POOP!

This delish doodie extraordinaire is available at Nifty Candy. You get 3 (count ‘em) rainbow bright color flavors with a hint edible glitter. But wait, there’s still more! You also get the candy grass the unicorn crapped on. Double mmm.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

Technically this is the 5th craziest thing I found in a can. Trust me, you don’t wanna know about 1 - 4. Though, it is questionable if this is the exact out-of-the-can pic. Still, this canned cheeseburger can be yours for only 8 bucks or 4 Euro at Trek ‘N Eat.


The Taste Test...

IS IT ME, OR DOES THIS ACTION FIGURE’S NIPPLES SEEM A BIT OFF?

Went to Toy Tokyo in my NYC neighbor that pretty much has every type of fanboy collectible you could imagine. I was on my way out when this Twilight figure caught my attention. Just something seems off about this wolf guy’s nipples. I’m not crazy, right?

SERIOUSLY, TOTALLY NOT KIDDING!

I thought the Naughty by Nature classic “O.P.P.” was about a health club in California. No foolin’. I mean have you seen the video? All they are doing is dancing. That totally says health club aerobics to me. Sadly no one told me the real meaning on the song 'til 1993. Two years after the song was released.

Take a viewing ...

HOW THEY TAKE THEIR BURGERS

In Australia and New Zealand, if you order a Hamburger with the Lot, here's what you get...

A burger topped with melted cheese, sweet pineapple and a fried egg (lettuce and tomato are optional).

WHO WANTS TO SEE AN HONEST-TO-GOD BLOGGER BE PERPLEXED BY A COOKIE?

Went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch. It was decent. I had chicken with broccoli with egg drop soup. And then the bill comes and with it…the fortune cookie. Here’s what yours truly got. So what the %$#% does it mean?

SKINHEADS LOVE BOOTS, BUT NOT NECESSARILY WHITE POWER

Truthfully, it’s really just a handful of racist, religious bashing, badapples that ruined it for the rest of the SKINHEAD population.Skinheads actually first appeared in the UK (in the 1960s) as a peace-loving group that followed ska and soul bands. This whole Neo-Nazi / white supremacist thing didn’t come into play ‘til the late 70s. Unfortunately this uber-evil Skinhead sect gained tremendous popularity. 

Even in ‘87, when visionary / Skinhead Marcus Pacheco formed SHARP (Skinheads Against Racial Prejudice), it did little to stop this monster movement. Since then both Skinhead groups have been in strong opposition of each other for 20 plus years. EXCEPT, when it comes to one subject – BOOTS. Both camps agree that in order to look your Skinhead best, you need a powerful, ass kicking, foot stomping boots. Here are the top two faves of both groups.

Dr. Martens 1460 Boots ($59.99 @ Amazon)

Made from tough leather with the classic Dr. Martens grooved sole pattern.

Solovair 8 eyelet boots ($116 @ aircushionboot.com)

Offers the utmost in strength, flexibility, comfort, and durability.

TO ALL THE LADY BLOGGERS IN MY LIFE …

You know who you are. And in honor of V-day I wanted to present you with this “I heart my lady bloggers” award. Why did I choose to draw a creepy old guy? He is pretty much a symbolic representative of all the creepy, awkward comments I’ve left on your blogs over the past year. This is my special way of paying tribute apologizingto all of you at once. You are very talented, beautiful bloggers that make me laugh, cry, and hate being a jerky male.

Happy V-day!

Thanks for being in my life,

Jesse “Copyboy” Cohen

1 LAST SUPPER

So what would you have if it was your last meal on earth? As a parting gift for being on Death Row, prisoners are given a final dinner of their choosing (courtesy of the state). Here’s what one hardened criminal chose…

Bruno Richard Hauptmann (Nov. 26, 1899 – April 3, 1936) Murdered the Lindbergh baby.

Last meal: Celery, olives, chicken, french fires, butter peas, cherries, and a slice of cake.

HERE’S AT LEAST ONE REASON WHY EVERY DAY YOU SHOULD THANK THE GOOD LORD THAT ACE OF BASE WAS PUT ON THIS PLANET.

On the ACE BOARDS there’s an article about their charity work. Unfortunately it’s in Danish – Engodsag.dk spreder sig til syv lande, og det svenske eurodance-orkester skal synge i den gode sags tjeneste.

[That’s their native tongue, right?]

Here's a picture of ACE of BASE in the act of doing that charity. Again, no clue what it is, but it looks like they're helping people....in a tent.

Here's a BONUS Ace of Base song just for stopping by…

I THINK MICHAEL CERA WANTS TO HANG WITH ME…ON MY COUCH.

How do I know this? I got an email today from him. No foolin’. I admit the subject is a bit curious, but it is his name. Wow! I have so much to do today to prepare. Do you think he likes Wii, white chocolate covered pretzels, and grape Fanta?

YES, THIS IS A SEXUAL FETISH!

Homilophilia:

Arousal from hearing religious sermons from any type of pious figure of authority.

PERFECTO VIDEO RENTAL PICK BY SMURF JESUS

Seems like Smurf Jesus is a bit loopy this week.

KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE (1977): Before Airplane and Naked Gun the Zucker Bros. (with partner Jim Abrams) gave birth to this buffet of cinematic comedy skit classics like Catholic School Girls in Troubleand Fistful of Yen. Stars Bill Bixby (hulk), Donald Sutherland, and bad Bond George Lazenby.

WHERE DOES THE F-WORD COME FROM?

It’s probably the second most famous four-letter word in the English language. People drop this bomb all the time. My question is, where the F—ck did it come from? I took to the World Wide Web for some answers. Unfortunately, I didn’t get anything definitive – just a bunch of urban legends and a Wiki post. So which one is correct? You be the F—ing judge.

GOD ASK THE KING?

In ancient England (the 1500s), the Royals ruled all. They even had power over a commoner’s sex life. If you and the Mrs. wanted to TRY to have a baby you literally had to get consent from the King. If he approved, you’d get an official placard for the door. Sorta like a medieval “Do Not Disturb” sign. Except this one had the F-acronym, which stood for Fornication Under Consent of the King. Most historians believe this to be false and somwhat disturbing.

THE HOOKER STARTED IT.

Here’s acronym number deuce, and probably the most famous. It was used a couple of centuries later in colonial times. This time the F-bomb stood for – For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. It simply meant that you could be punished for prostitution or partaking in the prostitutes. All the guilty involved were locked in the stocks. Then this acronym was plastered all over. The F-term served as a warning to any future sexual deviants (with cash to burn). Again, historians are doubtful about this being the true origin. Still, it is one of the better Van Hagar albums.

CHARTER? I HARDLY KNEW HER.

This F-one dates back all the way to 772 A.D. A version of the F-word was actually found in an Anglo Saxon charter. The document was about some king granting land to a bishop. One of the legalese terms used was Fuccerham. Scholars think this word may have referred to a stud animal (the breeder) or a very mean guy.

GREEK, LATIN OR GERMAN TO ME.

Last and most likely, is that the F-curse simply evolved from other earlier languages. Possibly words in old Greek, Latin or Germanic that referred to copulation or striking someone. The top candidates include Flicken, Futuere or Phyo.