OH NO I SAID TOO MUCH (an ongoing series)

Again, this is my version of the Monday Minute / Q& A stuff. The main difference is I’m not really answering questions. And the stuff I’m revealing will make you extremely uncomfortable borderline nauseous.

THIS WEEK’S TOPIC: MY TESTICLES

When I was a wee lad I used to play with my um wee wee...a lot. Since there was no internet I’d mostly stick to the Sunday circular stuff – JC Penny, Sears, and Macy’s catalogs. 

My second favorite hobby was playing a game I'd like to call... 

HERE COMES THE FREAKY PART

...forcing my testicles to switch places. Ladies if you don’t know what I’m talking about please ask a male companion. He’ll probably just wince and walk away.

WHY?

Honestly, I thought that if I was able to successfully switch the ball positions something magical would happen to me. Maybe I’d gain a mutant power (like the X-men), or I'd unlock some Narnia-ish magical door. Didn’t really care. I just thought that being able to switch my balls was my ticket to being special. 

FLASH FORWARD TO 2006

I’m wasted at some bar having this conversation with my friend (who’s also a smart-ass doctor)...

Doctor: So wait, let me get this straight…you think what?

Me: I can switch my balls at will.

Doctor: No, impossible.

Me: Ok, I haven’t done it yet, but I …

Doctor: Moron! Each testicle is connected to nerves and blood vessels. They can’t physically move. If you do, that's bad.

Me: How bad?

Doctor: Hospital bad. Finish your beer and let’s get the check.

[And that's how my dream died]

BONUS TRADING CARD (Collect ‘em all)

OH NO I SAID TOO MUCH (an ongoing series)

Sure you might have read some of my other posts. And maybe once in a great while I enlightened you, made you sniffle, cringe, or guffaw. But honestly, how well do you really know me? I’m not just talking about the surface stuff. I’m talkin’ real details. Well since this a blog I aim reveal some pretty personal stuff in the coming months. 

This week’s topic: URINE

At night I wake up at least 2 times to pee.

1^st time: 2:48am

2^nd time: 4:42am

During a night of boozing I can drink at least 4.5 beers before breaking the seal.

I have only pissed myself twice in my life:

1st time: Stuck in traffic coming home from a Jets game.

  (I was wasted, but not driving)

2nd time: Wasted while walking home from a NY Knicks game.

(could not find a toilet)

BONUS TRADING CARD (collect all 4):

VISIT YOUR PARENTS, EARN $25,000!!!

EBAY ODDBALL FIND: HARDY BOYS LUNCH BOX (circa. 1977)

This is the officially licensed lunch box from the late 70s mystery series. Comes complete with the original thermos. Lunch box itself is in pristine condition with only a few scratches and almost no rust. 8x10 black & white photo of the Hardy Boys (Shaun Cassidy and Parker Stevenson) will also be included with purchase.

Click here to buy this piece of history for only $49.99.

A FREDDIE BOOM BOOM WASHINGTON ROOKIE CARD IS WORTH MORE THAN YOU THINK.

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

Next time you’re at a garage sale or flea market pay careful attention to all the trading cards offered. Even if they don’t have A-Rod, Pudge Rodriguez or any sports cards, that still doesn’t mean you can’t find some hidden treasures. Case in point…

WELCOME BACK KOTTER 1976 complete card set (mint condition) $34.99

ABBA cards from the 1970s (perfect condition) $134.74

MS. PACMAN 1981 complete set of 36 packs (mint condition) $279.31

$200 STOLI BOTTLES COULD BE SITTING IN YOUR DAD’S LIQUOR CABINET.

I don’t know about you, but my parents haven’t broken out anything from their liquor cabinet in about 15 years plus. I’m quite sure they stocked it in the mid-80s, just in case any Madmen showed up craving about 8 Highballs before cocktail hour. If you can relate, the next time you're home you might want to take a peek at those old, dusty bottles. If any of them are Stolichnaya vodka, check the labels. The bottles that read “Imported from the USSR,” are actually worth some bucks. For the obvious reason that the USSR closed up shop a while back. Now they just say Russia on the label. The flavored vodka USSR bottles go for around $150 on ebay. While the original red USSR bottles can fetch up to 200 ebay bucks. Da! Da!

EBAY ODDBALL FIND: RARE DISNEY DOLLAR.

Actually, it’s a rare Minnie Mouse $10 bill from 1999, to be exact. Its low 5digit serial number ensures it was one of the earlier bills minted that year. Bill is in excellent condition (sharp color with a still crisp feel). Valued at $125. Click here for details. 

6 POGS THAT GAVE POGS A BAD NAME.

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

POGs were a 90s fad that soared and crashed 12 seconds later. If the name eludes you (which it should), it refers to those little discs that originally came under caps of a 1971 brand of juice called POG (made from Passion fruit Orange and Guava). 20 years later, someone then had the bright idea of slapping graphics on these discs, and creating a game. Sorta like a cross between marbles, tiddlywinks and sticker collecting. At first the POGs had simple designs. That was until the brands got a hold of them, and well the rest is forgotten history. While there are probably countless other examples, these are my 6 that are truly Pog-tastic.

• Man-Thing (Marvel Comics character)
  
• Sonic The Hedgehog
  
• 7 Eleven
  
• Alf
  
• Deep Space 9 (Star Trek)
  
• O.J. Simpson Trial 
  

EBAY ODDBALL FIND: THE FALL GUY LUNCH BOX

Now you can bring Colt, Howie and Jody with you to school or work (if that’s the way you roll) everyday. This classic Fall Guy lunch box can be yours for only 20 bucks! Sorry, this one does not include the thermos.